Is it important to tell your Therapist everything

I had a visit with my T today. I have been having problems more and more with Depersonalization issues. He asked a few questions about what he said are key events in someones life that can cause this. Anyway one of the answers was a yes. He asked me to discuss it and I told him I could not. He explained the different ways these events can affect you. I still told him I did not think I could discuss this right now and that this is nothing I have never even thought about sharing. He said he wanted to set me up another appointment in three weeks so I could prepare for this discussion. He said he would even understand if I called a day or two out and rescheduled.

I know this is vague and I am sorry about that. But like I said earlier I have never considered sharing this. Is it important?

I see a lot of good opinions come out of this forum and I would just like to hear some of those.

hi there, im jeremy 31 from utah, i have been dealing with some serious mental health issues for as long as i can remember, in and out of hospitals, med after med, i just started therapy again after a yr off and it has really helped, i have found that the more open and honest i am with her the more intense insight i get back, now it has gotten to the point that i am an open book. i mean i have delt with almost all situations that i could now share the wisdom of my experiences, since you are having trouble talking about some things feel free to start small and please ask any question you might have. i can relate...

While I think it's important especially if it's something that is distressing to you, ultimately I think think it's important that you feel comfortable and want to share rather than bring or feeling pushed into it.

Since you're uncomfortable even considering sharing this, then yes--probably it is important that it come into your therapy.

Jeremy pointed out, i noticed, that he got to be "an open book" with his therapist after a process, during which they developed a give-&-take, working relationship built on trust.

For your T to schedule this "in three weeks" is not how my tdoc approaches subjects even less sensitive than what you're dealing with. This really has to be your call, in my opinion.

Seriously? It takes him like 3 guesses to pinpoint what's causing your depersonalization, and you are asking if it's IMPORTANT? Okay, I get it - if it were something unusual, of course only you could explain it. But if he got it in 3 guesses, isn't it a common experience, so how does telling your story make a difference in your care plan? Like it's a simple broken arm, does it matter HOW you broke your arm? No, doctor just fix it. So can T fix THIS without you having to go into detail? Isn't that what they make us do in DBT group therapy all the time? No time for personal stories, just get on with the MODULES. So maybe you want a different approach to therapy.

I really do feel like I have a trusting relationship with this TDoc. Just as Jeremy stated. This is just not that easy for me to walk through again. I have been seeing my TDoc for about 8 to 10 months now. I read a ton of threads here prior to seeing him and my PDoc and the continuing theme was to be open and they can help you. That advice I have followed throughout this process. And I have shared a lot of things with these two. A lot of these things were so personal that I have never shared them with anyone. Through these doctors and meds a lot of the fog has lifted but he is concerned about the Depersonalization that is growing worse.

Thanks for the advice RoadRunnerBeepBeep!

Thanks Jeremy. Your statement about being open and honest and getting more intense insight back is close to what my TDoc said about this. Hankster asked isn't this common? ... It is common ... But it doesn't make it any easier to discuss face to face.

Thanks Anika. I am just not sure I am comfortable in sharing this. Especially face to face with someone. I am not sure what kind of details will be discussed and I just am not sure.

Could you write it in a letter to your therapist? That would prevent you from being on the spot and give you time to breathe if you need a break in talking about it. Perhaps give it to him a day or two before your appointment, and maybe even move the appointment up a bit, so you don't have to wait the three weeks and have this tear you up inside.

I also suffer from lots of depersonalization and derealization and talking about it in therapy has helped. I believe it is a necessary step to move forward, and I have learned strategies to help myself stay focused. Sometimes therapy is painful. It's not pleasant, but it's part of the process of healing, especially from past trauma.

I have to agree with Dragonfly.

When I was seeing my old pdoc, I used to write him letters as to how I was feeling or what I was doing. It made it so much easier to hand it to him than for me to talk to him about things.

I would give this a try.

I really feel like you can't take full advantage of the benefits of therapy if you won't talk about and examine your experiences and feelings. Good Ts don't ask you to talk about things that are not relevant to you moving forward or healing. I guess I kind of look at it like a medical doctor taking a history so they can determine your risks and how to best help you. Everyone has different feelings but it does seem to be that not working through the fear and pain is a roadblock.

Sorry I was really off yesterday. What I was trying to find out is, do you just want like cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) for the symptoms, if that is possible? Or are you trying to desensitize yourself somewhat here? Or find out what it's like to talk about these things? You keep saying "face-to-face" - really, you shouldn't have to literally be looking at your T when you're in session - Freud had people on a couch behind him, my T offers me the same option, yours should too. I've talked about some pretty yucky girl stuff with my very handsome male T - hey, he's got a daughter, he's a single dad, that handsome face was the warmest, most understanding face ever. So not sure what you're asking us here? I think you know, yeah, sure we're going to say it's important - but what's your real question about it? I can't put my finger on it.

Hankster ... I am sorry but I do not really understand what DBT group therapy or CBT is or how they work. I am just not familiar with these.

The face to face here is just that ... Two chairs facing each other about 3 to 5 feet apart. That is it. And I do find myself looking at the walls when trying to talk through things.

You are probably correct. I might be hoping everyone will say it is important hoping I will make myself build up the courage to just do it. Not really sure. And to answer you last question "what is your real question about?" This thing is embarrassing and degrading. For me I feel it will be very difficult to talk about. And I was questioning the importance of sharing everything ... every event that a T deems necessary. Is there a point where people just say no? And if so, is that the point where you are saying I no longer need or want help?

Thanks Hankster

The therapist is YOUR employee, people here like to say. I think however YOU choose to deal with that incident in therapy is your right. In today's society, everybody knows all the details to everything already, right? That's what I meant by, if it's "common", at this point both of you already know the type of incident, so what is the purpose of you spelling out the gory details?

What is more important is how you felt, what happened as a result. For example, you tried to talk to someone and they didn't believe you, or you hated hockey from that point on, or whatever, you know what I'm saying.

Would you be okay with saying, 'When The Thing happened, I felt etc...'. I mean, your FRIENDS might not appreciate you holding back the details of a story, but your therapist isn't there to satisfy his own curiosity. At this point, it's not The Thing that's important anymore anyway, really, it's all the psychological "stuff" that happened or didn't happen - stunted emotional growth, weird defenses, poor relationship and coping skills (i'm referring to myself, of course!) that are fallout from The Thing.

I get the feeling your therapist recognizes and acknowledges your pace and your space. You had this unpleasantness foisted upon you. Is there some reason you can't deal with it tastefully, as YOU would prefer? Not to sound like Miss Manners, but she may have a point!

Is this a workable compromise? Because I don't think a judgment should be (or will be) made that you "don't want" help because you don't live up to some predetermined requirement. I don't think there IS such a requirement. It's pretty much just show up and work it out between the two of you. If that T doesn't work, find someone else. I feel very hopeful about your situation.

I would definitely be ok with the "what I felt as a result of this incident." I just did not really know how much detail my T would expect. You are right that I can decide that. Thanks for this post Hankster. I appreciate it.

Never really thought about it this way. But it makes sense.

Thanks DragonFly2 and SunAngel. Looks like most of you are saying the same thing but offering different options. This one would never have crossed my mind. When he fist told me the appointment would be three weeks I thought that it would be too soon. However now I cant get this out of my head. I stopped sleeping. This is staying on my mind more than I thought it would. Thanks for the post and I appreciate it.