I'm going to fight.

I felt that I needed to make a public declaration of this. Today, I, Secretum, have decided that I am going to fight my depression with all the weapons I have available. I'll take my medication, and let my pdoc know that I'm not satisfied with it. I'll pursue therapy, even though I don't like the therapist I've interviewed (all other options have long wait lists). I'll exercise, though that might take all the strength I have. I will debate my negative thoughts. I will maintain hope on a verbal level until I can feel it truly on an emotional one. I'll reach out to others, and form new relationships. When I go to bed, exhausted from all of this, I won't allow my rest to exceed 8 hours. And no more indulging in 3-4 hr naps. : /

I've already started; I can't tell you how many times I had to substitute "try" with "will" in the above paragraph.

It will be hard, but I have to do it. I can't keep living like this. I can't die, as I've decided that sui is not an option. The only way out is through.

Somebody save me; I have no idea how I'm going to do all of this!

And I already want to give up.

You have a plan. That is great. Some parts will easier than others to complete. Set your feeling hat aside for bits of time and put on your doing hat. Do what you can do and do your best. When the day is done be proud of what you have done and set aside the undone for another day.

(((((Secretum)))))
Well done for putting your determined plan out there.
Give it all you've got!
In a war there are many battles. Don't let individual battle losses dampen your spirits. Keep going!

You can do it!!! And I strongly agree withyoda's and tsunamisurfer's advice.

Secretum, let me offer you some information on a therapy that helped me when i had very little will power, and far too much misery~: it is called Holosync, a brain restoration program, with a very high rate of success in abating depression and other brain disorders. you can learn more at CenterPointe.com. i could not have repaired my brain any other way, which is what a Psych Diagnosis implies, a brain disorder. please remember that you are fighting a real, physical illness, and like any other it requires time and the right supports to manage... best wishes ,, Gus

Great job! We're all right behind you. It has taken a lot of passion and committment for you to even put the above into writing. KEEP GOING!

Good for you for taking the steps toward health.

One thing to try to incorporate into your strategy is giving yourself small rewards along the way. It doesn't have to be anything big or expensive. Like with exercise, for example. For every, oh I don't know, three days you exercise, allow yourself a new song download for your mp3 player (if you have one - or whatever form of music you listen to). They're like 99 cents each on Amazon. Treat yourself to a cup of coffee (or insert tasty beverage here) when you go to therapy. Make it *your* time. Instead of your long naps, try to incorporate some other form of relaxation around the same time of day: journaling, meditation, pick up a new soothing hobby that you only do during those times. We all need some downtime during the day. Give yourself something to look forward to that is associated with your goals. And don't let setbacks derail you. It's sort of like if you miss a med dose: you don't just quit your meds, you pick it up again with the next dose.

You can do this.

I love what you have said above, Secretum. I just want to caution you against beating yourself up if you stray from the plan. The final goal is there, you are making a lifestyle change and that is hard to do. Of course you want to give up. Your system is in a bit of shock. If you fall off the path, you haven't lost what you have already accomplished. Just brush yourself off, get back on the path and then do something nice for yourself.

I know you can do this and you inspire me.

Secretum, excellent job!!! Making this plan in itself is a huge task and it sounds like a very solid well thought out plan. I'm behind you 100% with my support. Take it one moment at a time. I believe you can do this. Keep on going!!

Thank you all so much for the advice.

Day 1 was interesting. Some battles won, more battles lost. And some of those were major battles, like getting to class...ugh...

But, I'll try again tomorrow.