Fiance isnt sure about us anymore

~Christina · Nov 16, 2011, 10:56 PM

Nick.. so much wonderful advice you have been offered ... as the others have said read and read and read about biploar .... If you think you can conform her into something thats easier to " deal with" than you are seriously in trouble ..

Myself being bipolar well ....I cant stand someone trying to " fix" me ....there is no " fix" just management when the world tilts for us.

There are times when I do not want anyone telling me what to do ....The only person that I will listen to is my T... Right now he is the only one I trust will all my demons and the hell of Bipolar .

Being Bipolar is hell for us ..but it can also be hell on those that love us..

Take a step back for both your sakes .

Good Luck

Irreplaceable · Nov 17, 2011, 11:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Anika

I'm going to come at this with a bit different approach. And yes you may have made some mistakes ie. Restraining her. But it don't believe you were doing so in a way intended to harm. Learn from it, don't do it again. And move on.

To me you sound like you are very desperately trying to hold onto this relationship. And I understand that. When we feel like we are loosing someone we love we tend to get that way. I read all the responses here and a lot of talk how to best serve her. What about how to best serve yourself in all this? To me is sounds as tho you have been in a committed relationship with her for quite some time, yes? I'm going to take an unpopular stance here and that is that bipolar or not we are accountable. I would not let someone string me along that I had been committed to for sometime while in the meantime listen to their woes of being confused by the new man at work. In my opinion bipolar or not she needs to make up her mind and not drag this on and on.

That might not be a quick process but I really think you need to step back and just focus on what you want. And what you need. I have bipolar 1 and it sometimes affects my relationship yes. But I also work very hard to make for the best relationship possible. Relationships can be hard no matter who is involved. I'm not convinced her indecisiveness is directly bipolar related or just a normal thing people go through. What bothers me is that she seems very unconcerned about how you are doing and you seem so concerned about she is doing. Where are "you" in all this.

I'm not sure if this was in reference to my comment, but just to clarify, (and I thought about this AFTER i hit reply

) I actually saw that as what he did as being a positive thing...It's hard to explain...I think maybe what i mean/meant is that it shows, well, at least to me, that he was concerned and trying to protect her in a way...

Besides all of that, let's get to the meat of it all...Anika, I TOTALLY agree with everything you said in that last paragraph...Every word of it...Relationships take alot of work...Period...It's something you have to CONSTANTLY work at...And that goes for anyone...No matter how long you are with someone, it will always take work....Having the condition that I have, I realize that this will cause even more work in my relationship...But the key, as Anika said, is to keep the communication open.....And it's possible that her confusion is coming from her bipolar...But if she knows that you are there waiting for her, she needs to sort her feelings out and let you know where you two stand...At the very least, she should at least say, "You know what? I just need a little time to sort my feelings out"...If that means you two taking a break, then that's what it means and you have to accept that...But if she's just shutting you out, then that's another story....I could respect a person more if they are honest about how they feel about me...Either way it goes, you do have to look out for yourself...You can only do so much...Only thing you can do is let her know that you are there for her...And leave it at that....If she comes around, great....If not, you have to know that you did everything you could do on your end....You tried being there for her, it seems like you're really fighting for this relationship....It won't work if one person is doing all of the fighting...Good luck...

Nov 17, 2011, 12:23 PM

Irreplaceable, no the restraining comment was in reference to a point Hankstet brought up, and made me look at it from two sides of the coin, which I didn't the first time I read the thread. Hope that helps.

nicko9000 · Nov 18, 2011, 06:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hankster

A third alternative could have been to go for a walk to begin with. I don't agree that a man should "restrain" a woman or sit on top of her. That is kidnapping. "Love" is not an excuse for holding someone without their consent and I really don't see her consent in this, I see you overpowering her, verbally, and when that doesn't get you the answers and results you want, then physically. She has the right to do whatever she wants to her body; you, sir, do not. If you want to call the police to stop her from harming herself, if you feel she is truly in imminent danger, by law you may do that. I will no longer follow this thread. There should be a trigger for violence against women on it. I wish you all the best.

Okay, that post seriously ****ed me off.

1) You're saying I should have just sat there and left her to it? Made popcorn perhaps?
2) You're saying I kidnapped her? wow, okay. At no point was I trying to overpower her verbally. If you actually read my post I said I was telling her it was okay and that I loved her.
3) Of course she didn't consent. She was trying to hurt herself. I was trying to stop her. I was trying to protect her from herself.
4) What part of 'Sitting on top of her, trying to put her hands in mine, holding her close, and telling her that it was okay and that I loved her' constitutes as violence?

****ing christ, did you even read what I posted?

Sorry everyone.

Anyway, quick update.

Things are 'Back to normal' now. She said she's realised how much she loved me, and how much she misses me. We're meeting up on sunday to cuddle and watch some movies. She admits that it was just a depressive phase and that I was right when I said such.

Thank you to everyone who gave me advice, it seems alot of it wasn't necessary however. I appreciate that you have all taken your time to help. This thread doesn't need any further but you can reply if you wish.

@ Hankster, I also asked her about last week. She said that I was really strong that day, and that although it frustrated her a bit, she was glad I restrained her because if I didnt she said she would have felt like I didnt care. But that doesn't matter since i'm obviously a violent man who kidnapps my fiance and forces her to do my bidding.

unaluna · Nov 18, 2011, 07:12 PM

I'm glad you are guys happy, and sorry if I overstepped. Really I wish you both the best.

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