[tnlibrarian]

After having the urge to cut last night in the shower I decided if things aren't going better by Friday I'm calling my psych about the outpatient program. I think something is going to have to change or I will end up in the hospital by the end of the month.

My husband keeps telling me to wait in hopes that things will improve. When I told him I'm calling Friday he seemed to get mad. I know it's because of the expense involved but which is worst--to pay for a six week program or a hospital stay? My insurance won't let me stay past three days in the hospital no matter what so the outpatient program may be more effective anyway. I'm sorry my husband is mad but it's not like I have any hope of more than 5 or 6 hours of sleep after the way the baby screamed from 4 until 7 this morning. I got up but my husband immediately got after me to go back to bed. I just ended up laying in bed listening to him scream because I didn't want my husband yelling at me because I wasn't sleeping. Now he's in "never doing it again" mode. From now on staying up with the baby is 100% my problem and not his in any way, shape or form. Well, if I can't get sleep that means I have to do other things to get this under control. Maybe I should ask him which is worst--spending money on six weeks in outpatient treatment or paying for my funeral if things really go downhill . Cold hearted way of dealing with things, I know, but still--come on. I am in trouble here and I need help getting out!

Why is it that when you think you have somebody backing you up they end up turning on you or heading for the hills?

[AniManiac]

It sounds like he's trying to be supportive the best way he knows how. And from your other posts, it sounds like you have pretty good communication too. Just keep trying to keep the communication channels open - I know it's hard, but that's what makes marriages work, so we all have to do it anyway!

Maybe if you can (calmly!) explain that you have a hard time getting back to sleep if the baby's upset, so you don't mind doing the caretaking? Or you could set up an arrangement to swap nights to get up. There are always earplugs - lifesavers for me on flights with cranky infants! With both of you getting too little sleep, it's got to be tough all around, and it really sounds like your husband is trying his best to take care of everyone. One technique that might help (if you don't already do it) is perspective-taking. Try to see things from your husband's perspective, as that might help you better understand his concerns and reactions.

Hang in there - it's a tough row to hoe; no doubt. I can't imagine having an infant screwing up my sleep!

[faerie_moon_x]

I hate it, hate it when I tell my husband I'm not feeling well and he pulls out the "you should be in bed." I'm not an in bed person. I can't just lay there with my racing thoughts. I have to have distractions unless I'm asleep. >.< So unless I'm actually physically sick, I don't tell him when I'm not well. I often don't even tell him when I'm sick anymore.... he expects me to behave a certain way which is different than what I do.

I understand how hard it is without help. Try to work it out with your husband and figure out how to get help, sounds like he is usually supportive and probably just stressed. Maybe you qualify for help like at a county or state program. Hang in there!

[kj44]

I agree with the above. I'm sure your husband is stressed also. My husband says stupid things in the heat of the moment too. I hope you two find a calm moment to talk about it, I'm sure it can be worked out. I thought about outpatient too, but, just not feeling it right now. I have cutting thoughts too, and, I think of how pissed my husband would get, and that stops me, so far. Wishing you sleep and peace
kj