[Moose72]

The guy running the class said I aught to be able to do an exercise since I'm a brown belt. (obviously not if I'm not in shape like I was). Ive known him for years. Only in judo though he did sell me his old car.

Later, he came up to me and nastily said that what I was doing wasn't what he'd said to do. I told him that I didn't realize I was doing the wrong thing. Nicely. But it got to me. It's been this way for weeks. Whether or not he is singling me out I still felt like he was being harsh. In other weeks I've just sat there blinking thinking "Boy am I glad the Zyprexa is working; I feel no emotion at all.". Today I walked out of the dojo -bowed out but didn't ask to leave- because I was about to cry. And I did cry - in the bathroom. Locked myself in the big stall. My brain has been having a devil of a time retaining short-term information - new, not rote things- since Zyprexa, and especially so since this last 5 daysor so when my Zyprexa was doubled.

[tnlibrarian]

Let me be the first to say that the guy sounds like a total ***. Sorry to be harsh but it's the truth. I would find a new instructor.

[RapidFlyer]

Sorry you're having such a hard time. I am having my meds adjusted radically right now because I've gone manic and my ability to learn or remember anything new is shot right now. I can't remember or retain information at all. This has happened to me before and I still hate it. I keep hanging on to the fact that I have always gotten to the other side before no longer how long it took. I hope you can do something nice for yourself and pay attention to the most important person, You.

I'm new to the forum. I've been dealing with Bi Polar since 1991 when I was diagnosed. I hope this helped.

[manicminer]

Hang in there, J. Things will come around.

[Moose72]

Thanks. . I ate too much dinner. Gonna go read the rest of my book tonight.

I'm sleepy from my dinner.

Out with a friend at the moment.

[Moose72]

Also as an aside, I say the wrong words, struggle to find words or stutter- even unable to start a word. Cuts getting worse.

[Moose72]

Maybe the crying was pms.

[~Christina]

((((( Moose ))))))

Sorry your having a rough day. Heres hoping things improve !!!!

Feel free to PM me anytime

[venusss]

"Boy am I glad the Zyprexa is working; I feel no emotion at all."

hmmmmmmmmmmmmm..... not sure I would call emotionlessness a sign of things working....

and the inability to process information doesn't sound good either.

[Trippin2.0]

Hope you feel better real soon Moose! XOXO

[Resident Bipolar]

Originally Posted by VenusHalley

hmmmmmmmmmmmmm..... not sure I would call emotionlessness a sign of things working....

and the inability to process information doesn't sound good either.

To some of us, feeling emotionally numb is a brilliant thing - away from the feeling of despair and sorrow.

I remember desperately taking my meds (Seroquel 600mg) just to get a few hours of being a zombie - so I could stop crying my eyes out.

[venusss]

Originally Posted by Resident Bipolar

To some of us, feeling emotionally numb is a brilliant thing - away from the feeling of despair and sorrow.

I remember desperately taking my meds (Seroquel 600mg) just to get a few hours of being a zombie - so I could stop crying my eyes out.

I don't know about this. How different is it from drinking or doing illegal drugs to forget? Seems results would be the same.

And emotions cannot be supressed. They will come out in some way... so crying is actually quite preferable, imho.

[Resident Bipolar]

Originally Posted by VenusHalley

I don't know about this. How different is it from drinking or doing illegal drugs to forget? Seems results would be the same.

And emotions cannot be supressed. They will come out in some way... so crying is actually quite preferable, imho.

I think you're being slightly judgemental.
All I'm saying is that to some of us, being emotionally numb is better than feeling in despair 24/7 - as that leads to suicidal thoughts in some cases.

Of course it's not the same as drinking or doing illegal drugs. It's prescribed medication and is prescribed for a REASON.

[venusss]

I know for myself I get much more dangerous when feeling nothing when feeling something. Doing stupid **** to feel something. Or feeling that it does not matter I die, because I am not alive anyways. So this is a sensitive issue to me, I guess. I know many experienced the simmilar thing.


and I doubt that emotional numbness is desired result of psychdrugs. no reasonable doctor should aim this on long term.

[Resident Bipolar]

Originally Posted by VenusHalley

I know for myself I get much more dangerous when feeling nothing when feeling something. Doing stupid **** to feel something. Or feeling that it does not matter I die, because I am not alive anyways. So this is a sensitive issue to me, I guess. I know many experienced the simmilar thing.


and I doubt that emotional numbness is desired result of psychdrugs. no reasonable doctor should aim this on long term.

When my boyfriend committed suicide, I was in despair. I mean. Totally in despair. Complete and utter sorrow. The emotional numbness caused by my meds gave me a few days of relaxation. Of sleep. That was what I needed at the time.

I can understand where you're coming from. But sometimes that state of being "numb" CAN help a little. Temporarily anyway.

RB ♥

[Trippin2.0]

I agree with both of you! I experienced being numb, and it was ok in the context of my rage issues ( my mom even commented that I wasn't 'throwing tantrums') but when it got right down to it, i was N0T enjoying my watered down existance. My pain didn't cut as deep, and my joy wasn't nearly as blissful. I missed FEELING! And that's a huge part of the reason i quit my meds. Temporary numbness CAN be helpful, but i could never live like that long-term... Guess it boils down to being a personal choice. XOXO

[AniManiac]

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

I agree with both of you! I experienced being numb, and it was ok in the context of my rage issues ( my mom even commented that I wasn't 'throwing tantrums') but when it got right down to it, i was N0T enjoying my watered down existance. My pain didn't cut as deep, and my joy wasn't nearly as blissful. I missed FEELING! And that's a huge part of the reason i quit my meds. Temporary numbness CAN be helpful, but i could never live like that long-term... Guess it boils down to being a personal choice. XOXO

I have had meds make me "flat" and "numb" and that was better than utterly miserable and sui, at least for awhile. That much loss of affect isn't generally the goal, but sometimes that's where you end up. It can be a short-term relief from other symptoms, but I doubt that many people like or even tolerate that state for very long!

I usually take numbness to mean that the meds aren't doing their job very well. Feeling numb for a long time led me to SI in the past, and I don't want that to happen ever ever ever again.

[venusss]

I usually take numbness to mean that the meds aren't doing their job very well. Feeling numb for a long time led me to SI in the past, and I don't want that to happen ever ever ever again.

yeah, that was my issue too. Need to feel something. Old people joke that when something hurts, it means you are alive. Well, I quite young, at times pain is the only proof I am alive. My numbness was natural though.... so in a way I cannot understand why would anybody want to feel like that (i think there is also difference between subtances that provide temp numbness and being flatlined on long term.... Few hours of numbness when we want it may be desirable.... long term inability to have and express emotions can be dangerous imho. And being numb when it comes to interaction to other people can give a way to manipulation and other nasty things).