Very very l-o--w

I dont know what happened, but I've hit a new time low.

Crying all day. Anxious. Worried. Crying in stores, at home, all over.

Dread. That's what I feel. Dread that I'm going to loose everything I care about. And I can't shake it. My head hurts bad. My eyes sting. My heart is aching so bad, I can feel it in my throat. I'm too scared to do or say anything that could make what I'm dreading happen, that I cannot move, or talk.

I think I should take something to sleep instead of being awake but I have no sleeping pills.

Oh lordy, Anika, you sound like me in Phoenix at the end of my vacation. I kept driving, unable to get anywhere I was supposed to be, tears streaming down my face.

I was 2500 miles from home & I had no control. I knew I was going to end up in a psych unit somewhere.

Finally I just made myself stop. Go off, stop. Then I figured out what little there was that I knew I could do & do right. I did that. It got me to a safe motel room. I couldn't sleep but I locked myself in & rolled up in a blanket & rested in a dark, dark room. It helped. Then I got food & made myself eat it. Slowly I came back enough that I began functioning again & finally got myself home.

Do you have any idea whether meds had a part in this? Can you rest at least? Can you do anything to feel safe?

((((( ** Anika ** )))))

Roadrunner

Anika ......
Im so sorry your feeling this bad ... As Roadrunner said ..Try and just Stop .. Deep breathe .. remind yourself you are going to be okay .. I really dont know what to say ..but know this ... your my friend and I just want you to feel safe and be ok .. so Im hugging you really tight right now... I know you feel like your going to lose everything you love ,,BUT I promise you .. you wont !

Please call your doctor tomorrow and see what they think ,,maybe this is from the AD you started on a little while ago . Maybe they can give you something for sleep or to help take the edge off ..

(((((( Anika )))))

Maybe it is the ad. I felt pretty good yesterday. And thought oh yippy it's working. Last time I took a similar ad I started rapid cycling.

I found some seroquel in my jumbo psych med pill box. 100 mg so I cut it into a smaller dose. Hopefully I'll just sleep. I dont know if that's a no no but I don't care right now.

I am safe no worries there. I know as a single mom that my kids need me, they dont have anyone else. I just can't handle the dread and anxiety, it makes me want to rip my skin off. The depression voices are back and I know better than to indulge but it's real hard sometimes ya know.

Thanks for listening to me, I can't exactly talk to my kids. It's been a little lonely around here lately I guess. Thank you for caring.

((((( Anika ))))) very deep hug

Anika my friend, I have no clever words to share with you at this time, but please know that I'm here for you, cheering you on... XOXO

Anika...

Roadrunner

How is everything going today? Did you get any sleep? Hoping you're feeling better...

Anika
I'm sorry you are feeling so badly. Hope you were able to get some sleep and are feeling better. Let us know, ok? Lots and lots of

So sorry you're feeling unwell, hon. Did sleep help any?

I did sleep. Thanks so much you guys for all the support and kindness.

I ended up sleeping to long making my kids late for school. Not a fun morning. But I am ok. Going to force myself to some yoga tonight. And just try to keep my mind here and stop the catastrophic thinking.

I'm feeling a bit less anxious. Maybe that's the seroquel. My bf did not think I was ok at all today even tho I was trying to appear very normal. Ahh well I wasn't ever hoping to be an actress anyways.

Thank you soo much again. Seriously what did I do before I had PC ?? Oh yes. It was worse.

I am glad the sleep helped you feel better. Ahh the stuff we go through to find comfort...and finding the combo of life and meds to keep it comfortable...that's what I hope for for all of us.

I am soooooooooooooooooooooooo relieved that you got some sleep

So good to see you feeling a bit better today ..

Ive been sending you Light, Love and Hugsssssss all day

(((( Hugs ))))

Hugs Anika, hope you got some good rest & sleep and feel better soon.

I realize I am so lucky to have good friends like you here when things are rough and when things are good.

I re-read through the posts here tonight and felt less alone and less sad. I spent the day on the couch sleeping. So today was shot but maybe tomorrow will be better. That's all you can ever really ask for, right?

I love all my friends here at PC and always appreciate your support and care. Thank you

Do warm showers help you to relax? They don't do much for me but I know they are a relief to some people.

How are you doing, Anika?

I'm doing ok. Still struggling alot. Ok really struggling I want Christmas to go good and I have a lot of pressure on me and I can't seem to find the spirit. I've been laying low just trying to get it together.

I keep forgetting to take my meds. I don't know why. Just very absent minded I guess. The kids will be out of school on Wednesday, having them home will hopefully spark something good.

Can you set an alarm or something to remind you on the meds?

Hope things go easier once the kids are out of school - or better yet, sooner!

Glad you posted I was worried
Hoping the kids are able to help you get back in the spirit ..

Just take care of YOU ! Somehow try to remember your meds.

(((( Anika ))))

I have my meds right beside my coffee pot. Is this a real forgetting or a not bothering to remember or put in effort? Guilty.

I didn't mean to worry you Morethingswrong. I'm feeling a little better. Seriously my biggest worry at the moment is that all the sunny weather is melting the little snow we have gotten this year. When I put it in perspective .

My bf has been working non stop for weeks and he has been down, definitely rubbing off on me, and my sisters are busy, everyone is working. Leaving me with all too much time on my hands and alone all too much. My bf and I had a good talk last night about where we need to draw the line about worrying about each other. We both tend to over do it on this. That helped a bit.

So this week I'm just going to focus on doing some baking with the kids, organizing my Christmas dinner, cleaning my house since my family is having Christmas here. And maybe an outing with the kids to the ski hill. I could definatly use a little fun.

I want my kids to have the fondest memories of childhood and sometimes I feel I fail on this. Not being able to get it together at the right times or for long enough to make a difference. Being a single parent is tiring at the best of times. I hope that they are not too disappointed.