[ishy]

I am fed up with not being sure what's really going on with me. I have schizophrenia. I was diagnosed with it two years ago by my pdoc and until now I’ve been quite good with taking my meds so I’ve never had a relapse.

But here’s the problem. My GP put me on an antidepressant because I requested one for anxiety. Within a space of two months I tried all these meds: Citalopram, Sertraline, Escitalopram, and back to Sertraline (the first time it made me bleed continuously but we decided to try it again to see if it did it again).

Anyway, it apparently sent me manic and I was only on it two weeks. I decided to stop taking it, but the mania continued for three weeks after. I have been spending without guilt. I saw my pdoc a few days ago who claims its AD induced mania which is not true bipolar mania. I tried to explain to my pdoc that this can't be mania because I don't feel euphoric. I do feel better than normal, but not euphoric. My aunt who works in the mental health field as a social worker said she's seen bipolar patients and I have nothing to worry about because I don't look manic.

Euphoric is what I felt before my psychotic break. I felt "high". I felt like I was on something. I was working in another job at the time, and I even asked my colleagues why they seemed more down than usual. The problem wasn't that they were down. The problem was that I was up. At least I think so. Two years is a long time but I can still recall some of it. I tried to pursue one of my colleagues and I would NEVER do such a thing in a million years. This is the embarrasing part. I would read into peoples conversations and add sexual meaning to them when I got psychotic. I know it's odd but I thought I had special powers where I could feel what the other person was feeling too. I was laughing a lot more at jokes and it was horrendous. My colleagues were like "wow, I've never seen you laugh before" and kept making comments like "why are you laughing" or "smiling"? It was because of all these random thoughts in my head.

[Forgive77]

Originally Posted by ishy

I am fed up with not being sure what's really going on with me. I have schizophrenia. I was diagnosed with it two years ago by my pdoc and until now I’ve been quite good with taking my meds so I’ve never had a relapse.

But here’s the problem. My GP put me on an antidepressant because I requested one for anxiety. Within a space of two months I tried all these meds: Citalopram, Sertraline, Escitalopram, and back to Sertraline (the first time it made me bleed continuously but we decided to try it again to see if it did it again).

Anyway, it apparently sent me manic and I was only on it two weeks. I decided to stop taking it, but the mania continued for three weeks after. I have been spending without guilt. I saw my pdoc a few days ago who claims its AD induced mania which is not true bipolar mania. I tried to explain to my pdoc that this can't be mania because I don't feel euphoric. I do feel better than normal, but not euphoric. My aunt who works in the mental health field as a social worker said she's seen bipolar patients and I have nothing to worry about because I don't look manic.

Euphoric is what I felt before my psychotic break. I felt "high". I felt like I was on something. I was working in another job at the time, and I even asked my colleagues why they seemed more down than usual. The problem wasn't that they were down. The problem was that I was up. At least I think so. Two years is a long time but I can still recall some of it. I tried to pursue one of my colleagues and I would NEVER do such a thing in a million years. This is the embarrasing part. I would read into peoples conversations and add sexual meaning to them when I got psychotic. I know it's odd but I thought I had special powers where I could feel what the other person was feeling too. I was laughing a lot more at jokes and it was horrendous. My colleagues were like "wow, I've never seen you laugh before" and kept making comments like "why are you laughing" or "smiling"? It was because of all these random thoughts in my head.

Mine is like what you're saying. I feel high. Like a really awesome day. I'm really happy or depressed...it just depends on the day...I 'feel' normal today...but who knows what it'll turn out to be! I'm easily triggered by religion, and my MIL's puppy (so freakin cute, and I loved it) made me want to go out and buy a $2,500. Bichon Frise. I didn't do it thank goodness...but I really would have if my daughter didn't talk me into clothes!!! Woo Hoo that was fun! So the puppy triggered me. Anything can really, and just because I'm happy I think I'm having a 'normal' day. I have no clue. LOL Then some things came up with my husband's job and he'll be gone for three months or so...I spiked, paniced, and then boom!! depressed. That was in a span of 48 hours. I feel good today, like I said...but I also think it's because he is home, and he's going to get me a mother's helper for when he's gone. I like it, but I hate it at the same time. (mother's helper) I have had psychotic episodes...those are usually induced by watching Ghost adventures, and religious shows on tv. No good. Anyway...that's me.

Don't forget to check out the schizophrenia forum here too!

[ishy]

Originally Posted by Forgive77

Mine is like what you're saying. I feel high. Like a really awesome day. I'm really happy or depressed...it just depends on the day...I 'feel' normal today...but who knows what it'll turn out to be! I'm easily triggered by religion, and my MIL's puppy (so freakin cute, and I loved it) made me want to go out and buy a $2,500. Bichon Frise. I didn't do it thank goodness...but I really would have if my daughter didn't talk me into clothes!!! Woo Hoo that was fun! So the puppy triggered me. Anything can really, and just because I'm happy I think I'm having a 'normal' day. I have no clue. LOL Then some things came up with my husband's job and he'll be gone for three months or so...I spiked, paniced, and then boom!! depressed. That was in a span of 48 hours. I feel good today, like I said...but I also think it's because he is home, and he's going to get me a mother's helper for when he's gone. I like it, but I hate it at the same time. (mother's helper) I have had psychotic episodes...those are usually induced by watching Ghost adventures, and religious shows on tv. No good. Anyway...that's me.

Don't forget to check out the schizophrenia forum here too!

Thank you so much . Yeah I feel normal on some days. But my normal isn't that great. Like yestrday I found out my dad has cancer so I'm back to my usual worrying self. My pdoc said shopping is a sign of euphoria. I just feel "normal". I would like to go back on the antidepressant. But I can't

[grandmaof3]

I don't always feel euphoric when I'm manic. I usually get psychotic when I'm manic. I don't sleep, I don't eat. I have racing thoughts. I talk too fast for people to understand me, I spend rediculous amounts of money..... and it goes on. I don't have a problem when I am euphoric manic. It's the other times that are the problem. I take Paxil for my anxiety and occassional ativan. It usually works good. Your symptoms sound like bipolar mania to me..but then I'm not a doctor.

[Forgive77]

Oh! A good book to read is "Living with someone who is living with bipolar." That helped me and the parts of my family who cared!

[grandmaof3]

Originally Posted by Forgive77

Oh! A good book to read is "Living with someone who is living with bipolar." That helped me and the parts of my family who cared!

I'll try to find that book. Who wrote it ?

[Forgive77]

Originally Posted by grandmaof3

I'll try to find that book. Who wrote it ?

http://www.amazon.com/Living-Someone...7084792&sr=8-1

It's a great book! Gave you the link to amazon!

[dragonfly2]

There are also different degrees of mania. You could be experiencing hypomania, which is a milder form. There isn't quite the soaring mood, but more like a "really really good day", along with some of the other symptoms you've mentioned...the shopping, the sexual impulses, the excessive or inappropriate laughter...one of the big things I watch for is a lack of sleep. If I'm running around on 3 or 4 hours of sleep, feeling great and resenting even the thought of having to sleep because I have all these wonderful plans...that's a sure sign that I'm getting manic.

Were you on any antidepressants during your euphoria before your psychotic break? If not, does your current pdoc know about it? You can have symptoms of both a mood disorder and schizophrenia in something called schizoaffective disorder. But your doctor is right, technically he can't call it true mania (at least not where I live) if it only happens when you take an antidepressant. But mania (or depression) can also include psychotic features. It's a very murky pool to sort out sometimes. But I would try to take an honest look back to see if you can remember any periods of your life that your mood was, maybe not truly euphoric, but more elevated than usual and you had some of those manic behaviors. Or elevated and really really angry or agitated. Your doctor needs to know about them.

[grandmaof3]

Originally Posted by Forgive77

http://www.amazon.com/Living-Someone...7084792&sr=8-1

It's a great book! Gave you the link to amazon!

Thanks !

[ishy]

Originally Posted by dragonfly2

There are also different degrees of mania. You could be experiencing hypomania, which is a milder form. There isn't quite the soaring mood, but more like a "really really good day", along with some of the other symptoms you've mentioned...the shopping, the sexual impulses, the excessive or inappropriate laughter...one of the big things I watch for is a lack of sleep. If I'm running around on 3 or 4 hours of sleep, feeling great and resenting even the thought of having to sleep because I have all these wonderful plans...that's a sure sign that I'm getting manic.

Were you on any antidepressants during your euphoria before your psychotic break? If not, does your current pdoc know about it? You can have symptoms of both a mood disorder and schizophrenia in something called schizoaffective disorder. But your doctor is right, technically he can't call it true mania (at least not where I live) if it only happens when you take an antidepressant. But mania (or depression) can also include psychotic features. It's a very murky pool to sort out sometimes. But I would try to take an honest look back to see if you can remember any periods of your life that your mood was, maybe not truly euphoric, but more elevated than usual and you had some of those manic behaviors. Or elevated and really really angry or agitated. Your doctor needs to know about them.

No I was not on any kind of medications. She does know about it but she thinks it's schizophrenia alone. First after she read my symptoms ( I presented a list to her) she mentioned schizo-affective but I didn't have symptoms in front of her so she changed it back to schizophrenia.


See, three years ago I had a good job (before I had a psychotic episode). I quit it on an impulse. I decided I was having enough one day at work so I wrote my resignation letter there and then right at my desk. I didn't feel that my colleagues liked me there. I was having a horrible time, I was so miserable in that job. I remember crying in the toilets every day. The instant I quit that job my mood switched to really euphoric. My jaw hurt that day because I couldn’t stop smiling. But I’m not even sure if this is a symptom. But I noticed something odd.


Anyway, so I went on the internet and did a search online about mental illness and out came bipolar. I asked a few questions about it online on YA. I can even post a link here to my question but not sure if I’m allowed so I won’t. But I let it go and didn’t go to see anyone. 3 weeks after I quit that job I landed another really good job. This is where I had my psychotic episode. I think my mood must have escalated to that point there. Because I remember writing excessively. I really tried to stop. I cried so much because I couldn’t stop writing to this person. I wrote to him every single day, and almost every 5-15 minutes for three months. My sleep was fine thank god so I didn't write then. I really wish he had blocked me on facebook and changed his number but he didn’t. He didn’t even complain to my colleagues and just laughed it off. I HAD to leave that job.

Sorry this is long.

[dragonfly2]

It may be worth getting a second opinion from a different pdoc. If she's discounting your earlier euphoria and then also dismissing your antidepressant reaction...something's not quite adding up here. If you do have a bipolar element to your illness and it's not being treated or recognized, it can be very problematic, as you have already seen.

Not all pdocs are created equal. I've had some who have been amazing and then there were others who weren't worth the ink on their diplomas.

[Sophia57]

I'm a little confused. I know all kinds of people diagnosed bipolar when AD's made them manic. I thought that was one of the diagnostic clues for bipolar. AD's make you manic. I can't take them or I am off the wall.

Perhaps you have schizo-affective? Sort of a combination of both schizophrenia and bipolar. I have some good, intelligent friends with that. Maybe you do need to be re-evaluated by a new pdoc.

[dragonfly2]

Originally Posted by Sophia57

I'm a little confused. I know all kinds of people diagnosed bipolar when AD's made them manic. I thought that was one of the diagnostic clues for bipolar. AD's make you manic. I can't take them or I am off the wall.

Yes, many people who have bipolar disorder will become manic when given antidepressants. But an antidepressant making someone manic who has no prior history of any degree of mania cannot, technically, be the criteria for a diagnosis of bipolar disorder.

What often happens is that someone who is being treated for unipolar depression is given an antidepressant without any sort of counteracting mood stabilizing agent and they soar off into a manic episode. Well, upon closer examination, once the patient is asked the right questions, it is discovered that they have, in fact, had some history of mania but it was not diagnosed as such. It may have been a very angry, dysphoric mania or perhaps the person had just come out of a depression and was finally feeling really (really, really!) good and the last thing they thought about doing was going to a doctor because, hell, they're feeling GREAT now! Those are the people who can, technically, be diagnosed with bipolar after becoming manic on antidepressants. The antidepressants bring attention to the history that was already there. They do not create the history by themselves.

[ishy]

Originally Posted by dragonfly2

It may be worth getting a second opinion from a different pdoc. If she's discounting your earlier euphoria and then also dismissing your antidepressant reaction...something's not quite adding up here. If you do have a bipolar element to your illness and it's not being treated or recognized, it can be very problematic, as you have already seen.

Not all pdocs are created equal. I've had some who have been amazing and then there were others who weren't worth the ink on their diplomas.

Sorry I thought I replied to this. I am unfortunately stuck with my free pdoc on the NHS. I tried to get a second opinion but they talked me out of it. I have a feeling something else is going on too, but I can't do anything until I have more symptoms.

I spent £50 on a charm yesterday. Btw I’m 26 years old. I can buy whatever i want without my parents watching over me all the bloody time. But when my mother found out she went through the roof. Because I’m going to the US soon and I could have bought it for less but i couldn’t really wait two weeks could I? I really thought I was coming down from this!

[dragonfly2]

Originally Posted by ishy

Sorry I thought I replied to this. I am unfortunately stuck with my free pdoc on the NHS. I tried to get a second opinion but they talked me out of it. I have a feeling something else is going on too, but I can't do anything until I have more symptoms.

I spent £50 on a charm yesterday. Btw I’m 26 years old. I can buy whatever i want without my parents watching over me all the bloody time. But when my mother found out she went through the roof. Because I’m going to the US soon and I could have bought it for less but i couldn’t really wait two weeks could I? I really thought I was coming down from this!

I'm sorry your hands are tied right now. That must be very frustrating for you. Hopefully you and your current pdoc can come to a better understanding of what's happening.

I wonder if your mother wasn't simply just upset that you may have spent too much, as opposed to your shopping at all. It would have been okay for you to shop for it in the US, right? So it wasn't really the shopping that bothered her. I agree, though, it is unnerving when our loved ones seem hypervigilant about our actions and perceive every good mood as mania. It may be helpful to sit down with her (or anyone in your life who tends to monitor your moods excessively) and have both of you write down what you each think mania or depression looks like. What behaviors do each of perceive as abnormal? It helps if you can give her clear cut parameters, like hours of sleep, dollar amounts or frequency of shopping, buying 8 pairs of shoes instead of 2, having multiple romantic partners in a short time, social withdrawal, changes in eating patterns, etc, etc. Then you can understand what worries her and you can help her put things into perspective. My husband and I have had similar conversations.

One word of caution...and I'm not sure how much long distance traveling you have done (so please don't take this the wrong way...), but when you come to the US, be mindful of the effects of crossing time zones. It can really mess with things.

[ishy]

Originally Posted by dragonfly2

I'm sorry your hands are tied right now. That must be very frustrating for you. Hopefully you and your current pdoc can come to a better understanding of what's happening.

I wonder if your mother wasn't simply just upset that you may have spent too much, as opposed to your shopping at all. It would have been okay for you to shop for it in the US, right? So it wasn't really the shopping that bothered her. I agree, though, it is unnerving when our loved ones seem hypervigilant about our actions and perceive every good mood as mania. It may be helpful to sit down with her (or anyone in your life who tends to monitor your moods excessively) and have both of you write down what you each think mania or depression looks like. What behaviors do each of perceive as abnormal? It helps if you can give her clear cut parameters, like hours of sleep, dollar amounts or frequency of shopping, buying 8 pairs of shoes instead of 2, having multiple romantic partners in a short time, social withdrawal, changes in eating patterns, etc, etc. Then you can understand what worries her and you can help her put things into perspective. My husband and I have had similar conversations.

One word of caution...and I'm not sure how much long distance traveling you have done (so please don't take this the wrong way...), but when you come to the US, be mindful of the effects of crossing time zones. It can really mess with things.

She doesn't believe I have mania. She doesn't even know what it is. She just thinks I'm spending too much and asks me if I've gone "crazy". She think's I'm doing it all on purpose. But I can't really help it. It's because I've never spent this much in my life in one go that she's worried. I think i must take her down to my pdoc to explain things to her a bit.

Btw, I am in the UK thanks for the advice.

[dragonfly2]

Originally Posted by ishy

I think i must take her down to my pdoc to explain things to her a bit.

That sounds like a fabulous idea.

[moremi]

Mania can definately range atleast mine can. Sometimes im super happy and feel like shopping, sometimes i get extremely aggravated and cant sleep or eat, sometimes i have euphoria and it feels amazing until my psychosis rears its ugly head and sometimes i realize whats happening and can get help before hospialization is needed. The euphoria is awesome but usually create major problems in my life and i usually crash into depression. Right now i have been stuck in a depression for a few months and if normalcy is out of the question then i wouldnt mind a little euphoria just a little. Gosh is that aweful of me to be wanting that???

[dragonfly2]

Originally Posted by moremi

Right now i have been stuck in a depression for a few months and if normalcy is out of the question then i wouldnt mind a little euphoria just a little. Gosh is that aweful of me to be wanting that???

I don't think so at all. That's one of the really complicating aspects of bipolar - sometimes it feels good. So it leaves us actually missing being "ill" (though some aspects of hypomania can be very positive) and we end up wanting to go off our meds and play with fire when the mania does start to creep in. At least that's my experience.

[ishy]

Originally Posted by dragonfly2

I don't think so at all. That's one of the really complicating aspects of bipolar - sometimes it feels good. So it leaves us actually missing being "ill" (though some aspects of hypomania can be very positive) and we end up wanting to go off our meds and play with fire when the mania does start to creep in. At least that's my experience.

I have been religiously taking meds since my schizophrenia was diagnosed. But lately I have been missing doses and I don't really know why this is happening. I feel so "normal". I suppose this "normal" feeling is not really good though

[moremi]

Originally Posted by dragonfly2

I don't think so at all. That's one of the really complicating aspects of bipolar - sometimes it feels good. So it leaves us actually missing being "ill" (though some aspects of hypomania can be very positive) and we end up wanting to go off our meds and play with fire when the mania does start to creep in. At least that's my experience.

Its so nice to be understood. Thank you so much

[dragonfly2]

Originally Posted by ishy

I have been religiously taking meds since my schizophrenia was diagnosed. But lately I have been missing doses and I don't really know why this is happening. I feel so "normal". I suppose this "normal" feeling is not really good though

For me, feelings are so subjective. To try to determine my state of "normalcy" can be tricky if I only judge it by how I'm feeling. I look at the more objective signs: how many hours a night am I sleeping, am I eating, have I been spending more than I usually do, how often have I needed sex, have I been reading a lot of religious books, have I been furiously writing lately....and on and on. It's up to the individual to figure out what his or her parameters are.

So, what are yours? And where are you on those scales?

[moremi]

Originally Posted by ishy

Sorry I thought I replied to this. I am unfortunately stuck with my free pdoc on the NHS. I tried to get a second opinion but they talked me out of it. I have a feeling something else is going on too, but I can't do anything until I have more symptoms.

I spent £50 on a charm yesterday. Btw I’m 26 years old. I can buy whatever i want without my parents watching over me all the bloody time. But when my mother found out she went through the roof. Because I’m going to the US soon and I could have bought it for less but i couldn’t really wait two weeks could I? I really thought I was coming down from this!

Spending is definately one of my biggest signs that mania is coming on. It can range anywhere from shopping constantly for cleaning supplies or going to kohls and spending four thousand dollars on clothes in a weekend bc i was getting such great deals so in my mind at that time why not. Ive gone as far as racking up ten thousand in credit in two weeks. I landed in the hospital on that one. Sometimes its not so major though. It just depends fortunately i was bailed out of the ten grand, but am currently dealing with the kohls shopping spree weekend.

[ishy]

Originally Posted by dragonfly2

For me, feelings are so subjective. To try to determine my state of "normalcy" can be tricky if I only judge it by how I'm feeling. I look at the more objective signs: how many hours a night am I sleeping, am I eating, have I been spending more than I usually do, how often have I needed sex, have I been reading a lot of religious books, have I been furiously writing lately....and on and on. It's up to the individual to figure out what his or her parameters are.

So, what are yours? And where are you on those scales?

Well in my last "episode" which I recall I was sleeping fine, writing excessively to this one person, crying and racy thoughts. The day they said I had "psychosis" I remember I went out shopping. i really didn't feel ill. I don't remember if I was shopping before that. My sleep however was fine.

This time I seem to have spent a lot of money on junk I probably won't need. I don't have racing thoughts (maybe because I'm on an AP?), and my sleep is yet again fine. I also don't write to an excess or maybe I do. I am all over the place in around about three different forums. So I'm sorry if I do come across as writing too much. I spend most of my time online either looking at things to buy or talking on forums.