It's been 7 years since I was dx for the second with Bipolar. I have done therapy, done the meds, and all that. But I still find myself not wanting to accept. Not like in a day to day kinda way. When I picture things I want for my future, it's just never part of the picture, then it hits me. "oh yeah, forgot about that part". I know lots of people here who have Bipolar who are accomplishing big things, and I think that's awesome!!!!!

The things I dream about for myself seem so far out of reach. It isn't just the Bipolar that got me here, my crummy abusive marriage, having to start over with three kids and nothing to our name. It's all compounded. But I feel really really really stuck! I dream of running my own inn, it's what I went to college for before being dx. I dream of being happy and surrounded by good friends, and people who strive to be good to each other ( in real life ). I have all these dreams of what I want my life to look like, and I seriously do not know how to get there.

Real life, I have a very small support system, not really much functional family, and no friends. I'm a stay at home mom on disability even tho my kids are nearing teens. I'm 33 years old and have no money in savings or credit. In 7 years of treatment I have had a few months here and there of being stable, and the illness has progressed. Is it being unrealistic of me to still hold onto these dreams? How do you approach this in your own lives?

[Travelinglady]

Sometimes folks with bipolar can get stable enough to do the kinds of things you dream of. Maybe you could even go into business with somebody else, so you wouldn't have so much pressure.....

I am able to have some friends now, who understand my bipolar, either because they have it, or are just decent folks. And, overall, I can say I am "happy."

Some of us, though, do need to adjust our dreams. I never thought I'd develop bipolar disorder and have to go on disability. I had to leave my life-long career. But I do what I can.

I think this topic might be a good one to talk to your T/pdoc about, and maybe they can help!

[grandmaof3]

Thats a hard question. I wish I had some useful advice but I don't. I think I know how you feel. I've got dreams that I don't know how to accomplish too. I want to go back to school to be a nurse practitioner but I don't know how to get myself to the point that I can...mentally or finacially. I would love to have some good friends, my support system is just my husband. My family lives too far away to be of any help. Stability would be nice but that seems out of reach at the moment. I'm 45 years old and I feel like I've gotten nowhere and I'm too old to try anything but I don't want to give up on my dreams and I don't think you should give up on yours.

[nacht]

I wish I had better advice than "never give up." I have a dream I want to accomplish but if I think about what it would take to get there from where I am, it would be overwhelming. So my attack plan is, I set up steps that can get me to my eventual goal, and start with what can I do to get to the first point. It makes things slightly easier for me.

[argv]

Originally Posted by Anika

It's been 7 years since I was dx for the second with Bipolar. I have done therapy, done the meds, and all that. But I still find myself not wanting to accept. Not like in a day to day kinda way. When I picture things I want for my future, it's just never part of the picture, then it hits me. "oh yeah, forgot about that part". I know lots of people here who have Bipolar who are accomplishing big things, and I think that's awesome!!!!!

The things I dream about for myself seem so far out of reach. It isn't just the Bipolar that got me here, my crummy abusive marriage, having to start over with three kids and nothing to our name. It's all compounded. But I feel really really really stuck! I dream of running my own inn, it's what I went to college for before being dx. I dream of being happy and surrounded by good friends, and people who strive to be good to each other ( in real life ). I have all these dreams of what I want my life to look like, and I seriously do not know how to get there.

Real life, I have a very small support system, not really much functional family, and no friends. I'm a stay at home mom on disability even tho my kids are nearing teens. I'm 33 years old and have no money in savings or credit. In 7 years of treatment I have had a few months here and there of being stable, and the illness has progressed. Is it being unrealistic of me to still hold onto these dreams? How do you approach this in your own lives?

I don't really have any input in this, because I have no kids and have never been married, but I was married to the bottle for a while, and drugs, and I kick myself for spending so much time trying to find solace in those things. If I had been dx earlier in life, and got on the right meds, and was reading the right books and talking to the right people, I'd probably be much further along in life.

I don't have much more than you do, even as a single guy that has a decent job.

Being dx'd properly doesn't make my life any easier, so much as just opens my eyes to my self destructive behaviors.

I'm trying to achieve my dreams by just picking away at it little by little every day, nose to the grindstone (in fact I SHOULD be working right now!) but I did a bunch last night, so I think I'm good. I generally work ALL weekend on my stuff and I know it's gonna take some time, but I want to be confident when I'm on my deathbed that I did the best I could and at least TRIED to do stuff.

[~Christina]

I dont have any answers I had planned once my daughter was off to college I was going to go get my LPN nursing license but Fibromyalgia hit me ...some days I can barely stand to be touched ( not good for nursing) then the eventual your not depressed from fibro you have bipolar .. did explain alot about my life ..but so I sit here thinking Im 44 no where near stable ( my happiness a week ago is gone.. simply vanished) im rather depressed but very angry. I am fighting to get disability with all my doctors agreeing I need and deserve it .. I'm bored to death cant seem to find any kinda of hobby or anything that is of interest to me .. I was sleeping 12 hours a day which was great I only had 12 hours to wander aimlessly trying to find something to do .. now im sleeping 5 if im lucky and just praying I dont have another meltdown since I no longer have health insurance

Bipolar has a way of stripping away so many things in our lives not fair not fair not fair not fair !

Anika just like you I search for something in my life that makes me feel good and productive .... Im sure we will both find something fullfilling

Lots of warm fuzzy ((((( Hugs )))))

[Forgive77]

I wonder this like every day. I'm going to be 35 this year, and I'm still trying to figure out what I'm going to be when I grow up! All of my family that knows my diagnosis are dream killers. As of late, I want to get a dog and show it. I almost bought one at Christmas...but I didn't. I'm going to check out some shows, and see if I want to do it or if I just need a new pet to baby. All mine will be in school next year, and I'm looking forward to it. When your kids are out of high school maybe you should start looking into the Inn thing again. Do what the others have said...make tiny baby steps to get you ready...work for a hotel for a little while, do some research on a location...work on finding a rich man that wants to help you in all your endeavors. LOL I think some good baby steps would be making friends with some people. Are you chatty with any of your kids' friends moms? Maybe start there. Volunteer at your kids' schools. Reach out baby. =)

[hanners]

Originally Posted by morethingswrong

Bipolar has a way of stripping away so many things in our lives not fair not fair not fair not fair !

This I agree with. I hoped to have a career by now. Instead I'm languishing working as a part time web developer, living on $800/month and eating from the food bank while I struggle to pay off my debts, which I accumulated while manic. I'm contemplating quitting my job and applying for disability, as I'm struggling even to keep up the few hours a week I get now.

[Lauru]

Basically, I have given up my dreams. I don't have the education or the job I wanted. I am so much less than I had hoped I would be. I have no friends, a partner who doesn't accept my bipolar, and no kids because I'm not strong enough to and I didn;t want to be pregnant and on meds. So, none of my dreams have come true, they have all been dashed. And my T says I am one of the lucky ones, the "higher functioning" ones. really?? The past few weeks have been spending every second trying not to kill myself, and I am not out of the woods yet. So, I give up on dreams, life sucks, and if I am lucky, I will die before I lose too much else.

[AniManiac]

I just refuse to give up. I know that other people with this illness have succeeded before me, so I can do it too. I'm one of those people where the best way to get me to do something is to tell me you don't think I can do it.

[missmorganxo]

I just started on the road to recovery with pyschotherapy and meds and I'm hoping one day that I can achieve my dreams. I think people with bipolar can do anything they set their mind to! It's a mood disorder, not a death sentence. Although it feels like it sometimes.

Just keep your head up, and have faith in yourself. Bipolar doesn't define you

[venusss]

I am also ****ing refusing to give up just because I have few quirks. So what? I have other things working for me.

I am gonna be awesome do-gooder and do some nation building or whatnot.

Yes, I wish I was further in my life and I did screw up a bit... and I will probably screw up more. But you know what? I refuse to blame it on my quirks and cry about how life is not fair....

I am gonna find my way. Myself, my quirks, the world, economic crises and social upheavals... I am gonna live my life with purpose. Anybody wanna join?

Oh I'm not going to give up! I was just wondering if I should maybe change my dreams to fit reality better. Just contemplating. Bipolar is not this biggest thing challenging me. It's a combination of things. The biggest thing challenging me from achieving what I want to is myself.

I'm working on it, and the small steps towards the direction is exactly what I need to do but have not been doing. Also I've been going through what seems like some sort of spiritual, identity breakdown ( or breakthrough ? ) for lack of better words for quite a while. Not as in I didn't know who I was before. I think my dreams are changing a bit. Since I posted this, I have come to some better understandings of myself and what I want, and why I have been stuck. When I posted this I was in the midst of spiritual crisis, I think I am slowly moving on to awakening ( I hope ). And now I just made myself sound crazy. Meh.

The only thing keeping me stuck is me. I think I am done with that.

[Lauru]

Well....I'm giving up. I just don't have that "cherry pie in the sky" feeling anymore. I do what I am supposed to do, and there are good times here and there, but I am an utter failure to myself. I am sure that is all my fault and has nothing to do with anyone else with bipolar or any other mental illness. I am just a failure, a waste of space. Really, I should not have ever been born. I just realized the other day that I am 39 years old. I do not have ONE picture of me when I was happy or in a good space. There is no previous me that I want to get back to. My life has always been crappy. It started with the sexual abuse by my father at four, to sexual assaults as an adult, abusive boyfriend, abusive girlfriend, OCD, bipolar, PTSD, borderline, fat, ugly, useless, worthless, you name it. I have never been someone I am proud of. Not once. Not once in 39 years. I wish I could say that I accept myself and my quirks, but I can't. I have lived too long in this shithole of a body in this putrid place. I wish I were like some of you. But, obviously I am no where near as good as you guys are. Which goes back to what I have thought and said all along. I am a waste of space and I wish I would just cease to exist. I wish I was dead.

[BuggsBunny]

Sounds like a very tough place to be in, Lauru. Maybe in time, with therapy and stable meds, you will begin to feel a little better about yourself. I sure hope so. For your sake, anyway.

I sometimes feel like I have accomplished nothing in my 47 years on this earth. But then I remember that I am very important to my sister, her two children, and my two friends. Granted, that's not a lot, but their lives would be harder and sadder without me, and that keeps me going when I get into a worthless mood.

Is there anyone in your life that would miss you if you were gone?

[venusss]

Some Coelho quotes to ponder:

"Only one thing makes a dream impossible: fear of failure."

"The Good Fight is the one we fight in the name of our dreams, it was brought from battlefields into our very selves."

"Dreams nourish the soul just as food nourishes the body. The pleasure of the search and adventures feeds our dreams."

"The world lies in the hands of those who have the courage to dream and who take the risk of living out their dream - each according to their own talent."

"When we renounce our dreams and find peace, we go through a short period of tranquility. But the dead dreams begin to rot within us and to infect our entire being.
We become cruel to those around us, and then we begin to direct this cruelty against ourselves. That’s when illnesses and psychoses arise. What we sought to avoid in combat – disappointment and defeat – come upon us because of our cowardice."

[bluematador]

It is inspiring to hear you aren't giving.g up. I k.ow how hard it is. I've had to alter my dreams a little to eliminate high stress situations. I have 4 disadilities But I have survived 3 years ofcollege in pursuit of my dreams. It helps me finds strength and gives me the spirit to live. I am also a single mother. I have had to learn to be kind and accepting of myself. These conditions I have are genetic and one was caused by a head injury. Leaned not to judge myself and beat myself up ov er these conditions has helped. Dreams are important. It may take longer to achieve them but it doesn't sound unrealistic.

Originally Posted by Anika

Oh I'm not going to give up! I was just wondering if I should maybe change my dreams to fit reality better. Just contemplating. Bipolar is not this biggest thing challenging me. It's a combination of things. The biggest thing challenging me from achieving what I want to is myself.

I'm working on it, and the small steps towards the direction is exactly what I need to do but have not been doing. Also I've been going through what seems like some sort of spiritual, identity breakdown ( or breakthrough ? ) for lack of better words for quite a while. Not as in I didn't know who I was before. I think my dreams are changing a bit. Since I posted this, I have come to some better understandings of myself and what I want, and why I have been stuck. When I posted this I was in the midst of spiritual crisis, I think I am slowly moving on to awakening ( I hope ). And now I just made myself sound crazy. Meh.

The only thing keeping me stuck is me. I think I am done with that.

[roads]

Originally Posted by Anika

When I posted this I was in the midst of spiritual crisis, I think I am slowly moving on to awakening ( I hope ). And now I just made myself sound crazy. Meh.

Wait. You, ? How????

Bwahahaha

[BuggsBunny]

Originally Posted by bluematador

Dreams are important. It may take longer to achieve them but it doesn't sound unrealistic.

It took me 10 years to graduate from a 4 year college, but graduate I did, fulfilling one of my biggest dreams (at the time).

Don't give up on realistic dreams, just find a way to work around the obstacles. It may take much longer than you planned, but it can be done.