[kj44]

Hi everyone, I am an avid reader of our community. I don't write much, because I'm intimidated by all the witty thoughtful answers!! I think I've lost some of my brain power due to life in general. So, I have been having this feeling that won't go away, that I just don't belong in this world. I'm not sad about it, it's really just matter of fact. I feel like a robot going through day to day motions. Anyone else ever deal with this? Thanks

Yup, sure have. My brain just gets slow, and stuff doesn't come out. Really foggy and just I don't know ... Auto. Please don't feel like not posting here tho, I've done that too, I'm not highly educated and I am not really articulate so feel intimidated at times. You have lots of experience under you and that's a valueable asset. You fit here just as much as anyone else.

[kindachaotic]

Anika, you do not give yourseld enough credit. YOu are kind, wise & articulate. I always enjoy your post!!

(((kj44))) Could have written this post about myself, you are not alone.
Every day seems the same. I've been to therapy, take the meds. IDK...
Been told to get a hobby, find exercise class, take non-credit class, other suggestions. But, WAAAAAAY easier said than done, for several reasons.
Maybe some day we'll figure this out...

Take care.

[moremi]

You most definately belong here. I feel that way sometimes too. They are all so bright and I feel like the meds have taken my smarts away. I know that it has affected some of my neurological traits. Sometimes I try really hard to say something but it doesnt come out right. I stutter from time to time. This is all since the medication. Its so aggrivating to me. I am also not completely educated and I feel silly at times.

[lad007]

I feel as though this world is not my home. I have to go on day to day and try to stay alive. I feel as a robot, doing the things I need to do, and don't get pleasure from it.
You are not alone. Post as much as you need to. We are not judged by our wit we are a community that helps each other survive.

[grendell]

kj44... I feel kind of like what your describing.... it might be the same sentiment but with different words or something. I feel that I am something other than human (yes weird?) and I am surrounded by humans. It's not a psychotic thing (not today anyhow) but more like being unable to identify with most of the values (esp, the superficial ones) that the humans live by or something.

[kj44]

Wow, thanks for all the replies!! I've tried so hard to be normal, hobbies, and trying to socialize, its just not in me. I do well at work, for a period of time, I can usually last at least a year. People really like me there, and , I wonder why? I am generally a nice person, but, we all have are moments! I guess I just feel fake. I want to come out of the box for a while, live the real life , ya know? Thanks for all your replies, they were wonderful, as usual!!

Grendell,

I know just what you mean, I feel pretty alien at times. Feel like I am not "of" this world. Same reason too, I cannot identify with many things humans do, I am often misunderstood for my values, choices, and what I live by.

What do you think you are holding back Kj? When you say you want to live the real life?

[kj44]

Anika, Do you ever people watch? It could be as simple as living as they do, normally. Or, it could be the extreme, which I prefer, living on the edge, day by day. I've often thought of just leaving, and ending up wherever I end up. I was homeless from 13yrs, until I was 22. Medication puts me in the box, its a safe box, usually. Who wants to be safe all the time? I'm older now, so, I need to be safer. It really sucks! Hope I'm not rambling?

Yup I understand, homeless from 14 to 20 yrs old myself. It was a huge adjustment that took years.

Maybe there is something you could do to get the risk feeling, but still being relatively safe? Rock climbing, stuff like that? Even when I go snowboarding or ride my bmx I get that feeling. I'll try to think of some that are not sports related tho, there must be some.

I was just thinking... Learn how to make sushi, there's gotta be risk in that, that you might get food poisoning. That's not a good idea I don't think haha. Don't do that.

[kj44]

You are too funny! I did go para-sailing, loved it. Just don't live by water like that. If I could ride roller coasters everyday, I would probably be OK. Maybe I should work for the carnival, that would be a risk, huh? Glad you made it through your teen years, I know how hard it was. Thanks for making me laugh today!

[grendell]

Originally Posted by Anika

Grendell,

I know just what you mean, I feel pretty alien at times. Feel like I am not "of" this world. Same reason too, I cannot identify with many things humans do, I am often misunderstood for my values, choices, and what I live by.

Yes thats it Anika... I feel like this and always have to the point that its just how I am or something.

You can also flip it the other way and I think that might pretty much be the point of every zombie film I have ever seen. You know world is full of zombies (normal people)..... but one person isn't one (me)..... they do what they need to do to avoid becoming a zombie (rebel, etc, etc)..... occasionally they come across other survivors (maybe in a forum?)........ and so on and so on...

I think fitting in is a zombie thing to do I suppose...... survivors are survivors because of their individuality and the incredible creativity they have used to survive......... try fitting in around a bunch of survivors and they might think you are a zombie or something...... ok i am raving on.... stop now.

[grandmaof3]

I know what you mean about not belonging. I feel disconnected from people most of the time. I get along alright and I have good relationships with the people I work with but I only have really one close friend.