Apologies?

I was wondering if any one else might have had this problem. its just ruining my life. depression and mania obviously affect behavior. but in my case its SO BAD i don't know how to deal with it. i'm always angry and aggressive, hurting people without even noticing it. i instinctively avoid social interactions sometimes i'm cold, distant, detached. and other times my behavior just seems, well, extreme ( i mean that in the worst possible sense, constantly talking, laughing, smiling hysterically). whatever pops into my head comes out of my mouth. i've done so many stupid, embarrassing mistakes i'm usually terrified about what someone might think. and i end up avoiding a lot of people for the rest of my life. not to mention during times of depression, i can't carry on a conversation, i've been so slow and absent minded people have actually just walked away from me.
i've hurt and offended a lot of people by being the dysfunctional mess that i am.
i feel that i want to let them know it wasn't my intention but i don't know what to say then i don't say anything.
so, have you ever had to apologize for something like that? how can i even start?

Well, in order to give a sincere apology, you might have to come out of the closet. When I get totally whacked out among people who know, I just say something like, "Sorry, i'm a bit on the manic side today" or 'My depression is running amok' or any one of a bunch of pre thought out sentences.

If you don't want to come out of the closet, then think up some sincere lines to use, so you have them ready if you need them.

Agree with Bugs. I've spent most of the winter squirrelled away in my office during lunchtime at work, and under the headphones on the computer at home. Isolating is the only way I could cope with all the rest of life......I just haven't had it to give the past several months. So I can totally sympathize with the OP; otherwise, I might have handed someone their face on a silver platter or pushed 'em down the stairs, LOL!

I think we worry about what other people think about what we say or do more than other people think about us. Most of the time other people are too busy worrying about their own problems rather than our actions. Still it is good to apologise when we have hurt someone... the others make good suggestions. Try to go easy on yourself and don't beat yourself up over things you can't change.

All the time, Nikki, all the time.
I still carry the scars of the childhood friends I lost because I said or did things unwittingly, that alienated them. Sometimes apologising and working at regaining their trust helped, and other times people just didn't want to know. It is the pain and chaos that follows in our wake and makes BP what it is - tough living.

I think that's something we've all dealt with before. I've alienated and pushed people for years. A few of those relationships are gone forever, but I was able to fix some of them thru honesty. Coming out of the closet, so to speak, is a humbling, frightening thing to do but it helped shed some light on why I did what I did and helped a few understand me better.

Please don't feel too bad, though. It was your bipolar that brought on that behavior. It wasn't you as a human being, though I know it might be hard to separate the two. Please remember that you are a good person. I'm sure your true friends know this too.

I wish you peace.

Nice, so many nice responses and all so right. I add my support to each response. I have nothing more to add other then what great responses.

Thats why everyone close to me knows about me being bipolar. So as its not an excuse at all, atleast they know its not them and I will come around. I do appoligise and everyone seems to just accept that sometimes I get that way.

Thanks everyone
a sincere apology is the best i can do. but i don't know, something about walking up to people and start explaining the mental state i was in feels useless, especially if its been going on for months or years.
i'm a college student so i live in a pretty social environment. the whole time i was there all i did was try to be invisible. many people took that personally. or thought it was arrogance or something. even when i'm not trying to, i'm pushing people away.
but yeah, as you can see i do worry about what other people think, at least if they feel hurt because of something i did.

That's true. So true. To the poster, you have to get out of this mentality of worrying about what other people think. I totally understand that you have your appologies. I get it. But don't let it get to the point where you are loosing sleep over it, stressing yourself more than what you already are. I had to get my mind out of the mindframe because it was driving me insane. That constant worrying about what people thought, worrying about if they like me or not, worrying about this and that. What you did, is what you did. It's done and over with. Only thing you can do is appoligize and try to make peace. Wipe your hands clean after that. Move on and don't stay stuck on beating yourself up over something you can't help.

Me: "Sorry."
Them: "It's okay, really."
Me: "Thanks, but I really I am sorry."
Them: "It's really fine, you can't help it".
Me: "But it doesn't make it right."
Them: "Oh my god, stop apologizing, seriously! <3"
Me: "Sorry."

I totally get what you mean, and I emphasize with the others that have replied. The amount of times I've had to apologize for something that's actually quite out of my control is pretty high...but when in a stable mood I can look back and see that, even though I did the right thing by apologizing, it wasn't always for the right reason.

You need to stop beating yourself up about it. Obviously bipolar disorder isn't an excuse for everything, but it's a pretty ******* good reason. What I do is apologize and explain when I get a chance to in private, and explain that my disorder sometimes takes control of me...and the person they occasionally see isn't a person that I like or actually am. Sometimes I wait until an episode has ended so I can apologize at the end without the risk of apologizing for different things all the time.

It may feel useless, but an apology goes a long way: especially when you give an apology coupled with an explanation of the disorder itself. Also include the fact that you think it feels meaningless to be apologizing so many times, but that you don't mean a word of it..and your behaviour is a temporary thing that happens every now and then.

For me, when apologizing to a good friend for something I've done/said or they way I've behaved, I say something like "Please remember it's only temporary, I miss the real me too...but I'm pretty sure he'll be back soon. I'm sorry".

Apologies that this post seems self centred to me, it's just the only way I could think of replying in a helpful way (And there you go, apologizing again )

RB ♥

In Canada we have a reputation for apologizing for EVERYTHING ! Someone bumps into to you a store, you apologize for being in their way. But this has been taken over the top sometimes and I apologize all the time. I just apologized to my bf for texting him that I had a migraine, not really necessary.

But when I've done something out of my behavior while manic or depressed, yes I apologize. Like RB said quite well. You don't have to apologize for everthing tho either, it's not always such a good trait. No my disorder isn't an excuse but sometimes it's quite out of my control. My family and friends are pretty understanding about it. If people don't know your dx tho, you could just say.. Sorry I haven't been feeling quite myself. People are usually ok as long as you acknowledge that your behavior is off, well depending how bad it is.

Constantly apologizing tho takes a toll on your self esteem. It a bad habit I'm trying to break. Same with over worrying about what people think. Takes it's toll, and they usually are not even thinking what you thought they were, like Blackpup said.

you're all right. thanks for sharing your experiences. it really helps
this all ends right now. the way i'm letting it get to me is just making things worse. from now on, apologize only when i need to. moving forward feels good.
its funny but basically i just think if i'm always super nice to people, always apologizing & saying thank you, they might not hate me as much after these encounters with my bad side.