[gigi8032]

My bipolar boyfriend left me a lil over 2 weeks ago without warning. He left me a sweet love not and cut all ties to me. Its been the hardest 2 weeks ever. I found out that he read an old note to my x and it hurt him, scared him and made him think I was insincere. He abruptly quit his job 2 days before this so he was already not thinking clear. I've sent gifts and letters over these 2 weeks and no response. I got his new number and started to txt him. Today he finally called. He hasn't been able to tell me he has bp but his best friend shared what I already knew. Today he told me he missed me but that he still thinks I am insincere and that I don't love him. He said he told his mother the only way it would work is if him and I were on a remote island, together every day and I had no cell phone. He said that if his best friend would call him with me on 3 way ans tell him that he thinks I am sincere and that I have his best interest in mind that he would come back to me. He told me his mom doesn't think he should be with me right now as he sorts things out. I'm dying inside without him. I know what we had was real. Ill fight for that with all my might. I want him to know I understand what he is going through, I've been reading books on BP and I want to be there to support him and love him. Why can't he see what's so obvious to everyone else. I'm crazy about him, madly in love and I don't know what else to do. I want my baby back. I txt jim and said take all the time u need ill be right here waiting I promise. I want u to get right and be happy and understand that u have the right to be in love and be happy. Whaty else can I say or do? This is killing me and what he and I shared was good, real amd just special! The other day he called and played marvin gaye let's stay together the entire song then hung up. I know he loves me he needs to not sabotage himself. HELP

[insideout]

in my opinion you are better off without him.

What you're doing isn't helping the situation, even in the slightest.

You need to put down the phone and stop texting. You need to stop talking to his friends. You need to stop sending him gifts. You need to stop convincing yourself that you had the absolute, most awesome love in the whole wide world.

You need to move on.

Even if this strategy somehow buys you another 6-8 months, this guy sounds unstable. If he dumped you because he read a silly note, then the bar is set pretty low and he'll leave you again. Save yourself some time and use it to heal your obviously torn psyche.

[insideout]

Originally Posted by gigi8032

My bipolar boyfriend left me a lil over 2 weeks ago without warning. He left me a sweet love not and cut all ties to me. Its been the hardest 2 weeks ever. I found out that he read an old note to my x and it hurt him, scared him and made him think I was insincere. He abruptly quit his job 2 days before this so he was already not thinking clear. I've sent gifts and letters over these 2 weeks and no response. I got his new number and started to txt him. Today he finally called. He hasn't been able to tell me he has bp but his best friend shared what I already knew. Today he told me he missed me but that he still thinks I am insincere and that I don't love him. He said he told his mother the only way it would work is if him and I were on a remote island, together every day and I had no cell phone. He said that if his best friend would call him with me on 3 way ans tell him that he thinks I am sincere and that I have his best interest in mind that he would come back to me. He told me his mom doesn't think he should be with me right now as he sorts things out. I'm dying inside without him. I know what we had was real. Ill fight for that with all my might. I want him to know I understand what he is going through, I've been reading books on BP and I want to be there to support him and love him. Why can't he see what's so obvious to everyone else. I'm crazy about him, madly in love and I don't know what else to do. I want my baby back. I txt jim and said take all the time u need ill be right here waiting I promise. I want u to get right and be happy and understand that u have the right to be in love and be happy. Whaty else can I say or do? This is killing me and what he and I shared was good, real amd just special! The other day he called and played marvin gaye let's stay together the entire song then hung up. I know he loves me he needs to not sabotage himself. HELP

That sounds like a hard situation to be in. earlier i said you are better off without him, and in a way you are, if he is too unstable that wont help you in your life, but there are exception. i can see in your post that you do love him, you want to give him support, and you want to be in this for the long haul. I dont know your age so I'm not sure how to respond further. also depends on what your future plans are for your life, college, career, etc... if you can get into therapy together, thts one way to see if it has potential to work out. you did mention his mom being involved to some degree so I have to assume you both are quite young.
Guys will come and they will go. when you find the right one, it lasts, but that only happens when you both are willing and ready.

[Butterflies Are Free]

I am sorry you have to go through this. It would be helpful if you could have some closure with him. You may need to wait until he is more stable. Remember, this is not about anything you did or who you are. When a mood disorder is present, people can really struggle.

[gigi8032]

I'm not young I am 36 and he is 30. His mother is his caretaker. He and I had an amazing love and its worth the fight. I don't want to neglect someone because they are having an episode. I guess all I can do is give up but I was just trying to be supportive. Some how he is blaming me for this spiral and sees me as a threat and possible trigger and he doesn't trust me and I've done nothing wrong so I'm trying to prove this.

Honestly, it sounds like he has more issues than just bipolar. Don't take it to heart.

Your ex bf sounds like he has trust issues. This was an old letter, part of your past, not future. It sounds like he took this and blew it up 100 fold. He sounds insecure, and yet he is telling you that you are. There probably isn't anything more you can do. But why grovel and beg, when you didn't do something wrong in the first place.. Regarding the letter. If you have done nothing wrong you have nothing to prove.

I'm sorry that you are going through this, I know it hurts. And that's not easy to deal with. Focus on yourself here too, take care of yourself. Take some time and reflect on if this is really what you want.

[cocoabeans]

Having an episode is not an excuse. Your relationship sounds extreme. Love is great but, all that drama and that this is "killing" you? Take a step back. Be alone for awhile. It isn't as if your break up means you need to jump into a new relationship. He knows you're there so, go on with life living for yourself.

[JsterJ]

Honestly it sounds like you both need space. He needs space to work his own issues out, and you need space because being away from a person should not make you feel like you are "dying inside".

All healthy relationships involve fights at some point. This is because you are different people and bound to disagree on at least one thing. Granted, someone who isn't stable at the moment is going to be more extreme, it doesn't mean that this isn't a normal thing for a relationship.

Insincerity is a tough thing to fight about because it can be the end of a relationship, whether you want it to be or not. If it's not, great, both you and him can laugh about it later. If it is, do you really want to be with someone who thinks you're going to cheat on him?

[moremi]

Originally Posted by gigi8032

I'm not young I am 36 and he is 30. His mother is his caretaker. He and I had an amazing love and its worth the fight. I don't want to neglect someone because they are having an episode. I guess all I can do is give up but I was just trying to be supportive. Some how he is blaming me for this spiral and sees me as a threat and possible trigger and he doesn't trust me and I've done nothing wrong so I'm trying to prove this.

e

Only time will tell what will happen. You should take care of yourself in the mean time. He may just need time and space before he realizes what he has given up or lost. Its hard to see past the moment when you are in it. Just back off and give him space, Im sure you will hear from him one way or the other. Hope all goes good.

Ok. I will open up here, maybe you can get something out of it. I am bipolar II and adult ADD. What I don't tell people is that I have abandonment issues. Serious ones. I am married with two kids. I don't know how I managed to stay married to my wife for 12 years. 12 years of hell i put everyone through, selfishly. I would fight with my wife for no reason. I would use that as an excuse to get out of the house. I would go off and not even realize or care what i did. I never cheated on her, thank god, but what does it even matter? With all of the things I did... All of the ways I hurt her... I tried to push her away. I never stopped! NEVER! I was absolutely horrible! I could see myself doing this, I HATED myself for doing it... but I never stopped. I never hit her or physically hurt her or the kids... but emotional hurt scars far worse in my opinion. When I wasn't being an absolute monster... I would be depressed. Withdrawn. Showing NO emotion. Karen (my wife) said I would just dissapear. I would become secretive. Almost on the paranoid side and I would hide everything from everybody. Then I would even out. I would build up everyone around me as high as I possibly could. I tried to erase the damage I had done by getting everyone around me to soar as high as the moon. Then the swing hit. I would get elevated. I didn't even realize what that was that was happening. Even now when it happens... My biggest indicator that i am more than just a little elevated is when EVERYTHING changes around me. I could feel just fine on the inside. I can feel like everything is okay. But everyone around me starts reacting to me like I am angry when I am happy, or like I am depressed when I am angry. Everything changes. I hate, hate, hate that!!!! Be very careful for what you ask for when pursuing someone that has this. No one has those magic hands... the ones that can reach inside of you and take away all of the hurt they caused you. But you will sit there and watch them break, like I break, because they want nothing more in the entire world than to take back what they never, ever, ever meant to do! But when the damage is done, it's done! I stood in my kitchen yesterday. I stood still. Very, very still because everyone around me was crying or yelling. My wife was yelling at me to try. My kids were crying because we had driven to the theatre to see the Hunger Games but came home instead. My wife says I checked out. That I wasn't honest with her that morning when we "check in" with each other. She says I completely withdrew. inside I felt fine, I was only a little worked up, but she saw otherwise. This had made her mad, as it will you if your husband was like me, and she got scared. Scared! A fear response to my moods! We came home and the more she yelled, the more I withdrew, until all I could do is stand there and try not to move. I break down now, something I used to hide. I ended up leaving, walking to the store to buy cigarettes. But the store was the other way than I was walking. I had ALL the physical signs of high elevation and I couldn't think for the life of me. I just kept going. Desperately needing something, and fast, but not having any idea what I was doing. I was capable of any number of bad things yesterday walking. Karen had found me in the car and I had no choice but get in. She had calmed down and took me home. But getting into that car, I felt like a mental patient. NO CONTROL. I resigned! long story short we did see the movie, and I was left feeling "sick". Really sick!!! I convince myself I am ok. I minimize EVERYTHING and really believe I am ok. I am not.

This is a glimpse into my life... it's what I have to offer anyone pursuing another who has this same thing. My condition is "mixed", My elevation matches my depression on my mood charts, and my emotions can quickly show both extremes throughout the days my moods are moderate and severe. I really hope you take this "snapshot" of my life and really consider it. If you are successful with the man you are chasing... the worst thing you can EVER do is change your mind as he gets more comfortable and his symptoms show more. It would be devastating. Please consider this. And good luck, because every man needs that special someone... someone that makes everything ok. I hurt for those that don't have that.

[SmokeyPoole2012]

Having bipolar makes it hard for someone to understand themselves let alone others.

The confusion is overwhelming and not uncommon for them to run away from everything and everyone. Sometimes BP believes his confusion is being caused by others when in reality its actually his own instability causing the destruction.

A lesson I had to learn the hard way as well.

[SmokeyPoole2012]

Originally Posted by landskaperdan

Ok. I will open up here, maybe you can get something out of it. I am bipolar II and adult ADD. What I don't tell people is that I have abandonment issues. Serious ones. I am married with two kids. I don't know how I managed to stay married to my wife for 12 years. 12 years of hell i put everyone through, selfishly. I would fight with my wife for no reason. I would use that as an excuse to get out of the house. I would go off and not even realize or care what i did. I never cheated on her, thank god, but what does it even matter? With all of the things I did... All of the ways I hurt her... I tried to push her away. I never stopped! NEVER! I was absolutely horrible! I could see myself doing this, I HATED myself for doing it... but I never stopped. I never hit her or physically hurt her or the kids... but emotional hurt scars far worse in my opinion. When I wasn't being an absolute monster... I would be depressed. Withdrawn. Showing NO emotion. Karen (my wife) said I would just dissapear. I would become secretive. Almost on the paranoid side and I would hide everything from everybody. Then I would even out. I would build up everyone around me as high as I possibly could. I tried to erase the damage I had done by getting everyone around me to soar as high as the moon. Then the swing hit. I would get elevated. I didn't even realize what that was that was happening. Even now when it happens... My biggest indicator that i am more than just a little elevated is when EVERYTHING changes around me. I could feel just fine on the inside. I can feel like everything is okay. But everyone around me starts reacting to me like I am angry when I am happy, or like I am depressed when I am angry. Everything changes. I hate, hate, hate that!!!! Be very careful for what you ask for when pursuing someone that has this. No one has those magic hands... the ones that can reach inside of you and take away all of the hurt they caused you. But you will sit there and watch them break, like I break, because they want nothing more in the entire world than to take back what they never, ever, ever meant to do! But when the damage is done, it's done! I stood in my kitchen yesterday. I stood still. Very, very still because everyone around me was crying or yelling. My wife was yelling at me to try. My kids were crying because we had driven to the theatre to see the Hunger Games but came home instead. My wife says I checked out. That I wasn't honest with her that morning when we "check in" with each other. She says I completely withdrew. inside I felt fine, I was only a little worked up, but she saw otherwise. This had made her mad, as it will you if your husband was like me, and she got scared. Scared! A fear response to my moods! We came home and the more she yelled, the more I withdrew, until all I could do is stand there and try not to move. I break down now, something I used to hide. I ended up leaving, walking to the store to buy cigarettes. But the store was the other way than I was walking. I had ALL the physical signs of high elevation and I couldn't think for the life of me. I just kept going. Desperately needing something, and fast, but not having any idea what I was doing. I was capable of any number of bad things yesterday walking. Karen had found me in the car and I had no choice but get in. She had calmed down and took me home. But getting into that car, I felt like a mental patient. NO CONTROL. I resigned! long story short we did see the movie, and I was left feeling "sick". Really sick!!! I convince myself I am ok. I minimize EVERYTHING and really believe I am ok. I am not.

This is a glimpse into my life... it's what I have to offer anyone pursuing another who has this same thing. My condition is "mixed", My elevation matches my depression on my mood charts, and my emotions can quickly show both extremes throughout the days my moods are moderate and severe. I really hope you take this "snapshot" of my life and really consider it. If you are successful with the man you are chasing... the worst thing you can EVER do is change your mind as he gets more comfortable and his symptoms show more. It would be devastating. Please consider this. And good luck, because every man needs that special someone... someone that makes everything ok. I hurt for those that don't have that.

Very well put lands.

Your a very lucky man to have such a devoted wife and family. Good fortune to you and yours.

PS where do I find such an understanding woman.

[ladyjrnlist]

I am BPD2 and have put my husband of four years (together seven) through some major trials. Sometimes I wonder why he stuck around. I only recently got on a good path to stability with a new pdoc and therapist, but I still have really bad days/weeks. If your b/f is having an episode, there is not much you can do but let him go through it. It sounds like his mom is the one caring for him, so you don't have to worry about that part. Stress can make bipolar worse, so try not to add any to his life right now.

[Irreplaceable]

Originally Posted by landskaperdan

Ok. I will open up here, maybe you can get something out of it. I am bipolar II and adult ADD. What I don't tell people is that I have abandonment issues. Serious ones. I am married with two kids. I don't know how I managed to stay married to my wife for 12 years. 12 years of hell i put everyone through, selfishly. I would fight with my wife for no reason. I would use that as an excuse to get out of the house. I would go off and not even realize or care what i did. I never cheated on her, thank god, but what does it even matter? With all of the things I did... All of the ways I hurt her... I tried to push her away. I never stopped! NEVER! I was absolutely horrible! I could see myself doing this, I HATED myself for doing it... but I never stopped. I never hit her or physically hurt her or the kids... but emotional hurt scars far worse in my opinion. When I wasn't being an absolute monster... I would be depressed. Withdrawn. Showing NO emotion. Karen (my wife) said I would just dissapear. I would become secretive. Almost on the paranoid side and I would hide everything from everybody. Then I would even out. I would build up everyone around me as high as I possibly could. I tried to erase the damage I had done by getting everyone around me to soar as high as the moon. Then the swing hit. I would get elevated. I didn't even realize what that was that was happening. Even now when it happens... My biggest indicator that i am more than just a little elevated is when EVERYTHING changes around me. I could feel just fine on the inside. I can feel like everything is okay. But everyone around me starts reacting to me like I am angry when I am happy, or like I am depressed when I am angry. Everything changes. I hate, hate, hate that!!!! Be very careful for what you ask for when pursuing someone that has this. No one has those magic hands... the ones that can reach inside of you and take away all of the hurt they caused you. But you will sit there and watch them break, like I break, because they want nothing more in the entire world than to take back what they never, ever, ever meant to do! But when the damage is done, it's done! I stood in my kitchen yesterday. I stood still. Very, very still because everyone around me was crying or yelling. My wife was yelling at me to try. My kids were crying because we had driven to the theatre to see the Hunger Games but came home instead. My wife says I checked out. That I wasn't honest with her that morning when we "check in" with each other. She says I completely withdrew. inside I felt fine, I was only a little worked up, but she saw otherwise. This had made her mad, as it will you if your husband was like me, and she got scared. Scared! A fear response to my moods! We came home and the more she yelled, the more I withdrew, until all I could do is stand there and try not to move. I break down now, something I used to hide. I ended up leaving, walking to the store to buy cigarettes. But the store was the other way than I was walking. I had ALL the physical signs of high elevation and I couldn't think for the life of me. I just kept going. Desperately needing something, and fast, but not having any idea what I was doing. I was capable of any number of bad things yesterday walking. Karen had found me in the car and I had no choice but get in. She had calmed down and took me home. But getting into that car, I felt like a mental patient. NO CONTROL. I resigned! long story short we did see the movie, and I was left feeling "sick". Really sick!!! I convince myself I am ok. I minimize EVERYTHING and really believe I am ok. I am not.

This is a glimpse into my life... it's what I have to offer anyone pursuing another who has this same thing. My condition is "mixed", My elevation matches my depression on my mood charts, and my emotions can quickly show both extremes throughout the days my moods are moderate and severe. I really hope you take this "snapshot" of my life and really consider it. If you are successful with the man you are chasing... the worst thing you can EVER do is change your mind as he gets more comfortable and his symptoms show more. It would be devastating. Please consider this. And good luck, because every man needs that special someone... someone that makes everything ok. I hurt for those that don't have that.

Your wife loves you. What you have, a lot of people like me, that has this, wished they had. Really. Step back and look at what you have. You are very fortunate. I'm sure you two have your ups and downs, but she is there for you. And she tries to understand you. When I go through my bad days, I wish I had that... Your wife sounds a lot like my step mother. Very strong woman. Very understanding,nurturing, non judgemental, accomodating to people like us. My father goes through his episodes. It stresses her out to no end. But she stays by his side.

Yes. She does! I don't know why she does after 12 years but she does. It's really, really hard on her. That is what I was trying to tell the original poster. It's really hard on me too... watching the hurt my wife goes through. It's like my heart breaks every time my mood... or should I say my mind... shifts. The closeness Karen needs is different if not gone and she feels alone. It's all so stupid! Ugh! enough about that. Thank you irreplaceable... I really do hope, very soon, you find real love with someone who will stay and not change their mind.

[xraydiva09]

Sorry to say sweetie, but I agree with everyone that you need to back away for a bit and let him heal. He definitley sounds Bi-Polar, and if he doesnt seek treatment, then your relationship with him (or any relationship he gets into for that matter) will not work out. I dont know about all Bi-Polar people, but my Bi-Polar wreaked havoc on my relationship. It turned me into a green eyed jealous monster and made me think horrible things; things that werent even true and things that my mate would never do to me in a million years. Once I got medication, these thoughts and actions quieted down....and thank God I have a wonderful man who understood I was sick....I think in the meantime that you should let him get the help he needs, and maybe step back and build yourself back up as well. Best of luck to you.