[BashfullOne]

I can't seem to stop spending - handbags and books, clothes.... I don't ask, I just buy and then I'm depressed and afraid of what my husband will say!! He tells me to stop. PayPal has become my best and worst friend!!
I'm in a deep depression right now and so afraid I'm oing to have a weak moment and hurt myself.... I'm home alone most of the time. I have agoraphobia. Afraid to leave the house, afraid of people, family, I can't answer thephone unless it's my husband or sons, and I don't answer the door!! My life is spent in the living room on the PC and in front of the TV. I've gained a lot of weight. I can go out with my husband only. I can even ride the motorcycle with him, I don't think people can really see me as I'm behind him! It's the only enjoyment in my life right now. Other then my two precious dogs!! They are puppy pad trained. My husband and I take them out in the evenings to play in out huge back ard - they mind him, not me.
I have this desire to go home.... Eternal peace is what I seek.... But I won't willingly hurt myself, I pray! I've tried before, I was so overwhelmed with depression, the pain was so great, I couldn't go on!! I'm almost there again!!
I'm afraid my p-doc will hospitalize me.... I just couldn't go!!! Please pray for me!!

[moremi]

Are you shopping while you are in a depression? I usually shop when I am hypo like you are describing. Wonder if its some sort of mixed state? I think you need to speak to your doctor. Tell him your fears of being hospitalized. I too have the same fears. Its so hard when you feel this way. As if death seems so peaceful. I hate when I get this way. You are not alone. People are here to listen and support you. Just try to find a way to talk to your husband and your doctor so tht they know whats going on. I know those talks are the hardest but someone needs to know outside of us. Someone who can watch for signs incase things get worse. Im here with you riding the waves of depression.

[cocoabeans]

Sometimes when I'm down I like to shop online so I have something to look forward to, as stupid as whatever I'm buying is, it is something. It is different than "hypomanic" happy spending because during the up periods somehow I'm suddenly full of money and impulse and besides, shopping online then is annoying, it takes forever for things to arrive!!! When I'm down I'm well aware of every penny, just buying a delivery. Maybe even just ordering pizza.

Oh and the agoraphobia thing, I spent months locked up like that too but, exposure helps. Just dare yourself to take a short walk...see you won't fall to pieces.

[BashfullOne]

That's why I spend I think, something to look forward to. Because I don't go outside , or to the post office, my husband picks up the ail. Then I get in trouble. I buy purses. I'm selling some of them on eBay, I have so any!! But things are slw at work for my husband so I HAVE to stop! Books - I have so many I haven't read yet. I need to ake myself pick one up and read!! Then give them away.... I have over 100, 10 Bibles.... I use to love to read!! I just get so depressed all the things I use to love to do I knw longer do. Walk, read, scrapbook.... I've gained so much weight. I have a treadmill and don't use it.... I think I want to live but most of the time I don't feel like it.

Thank you for the reply to my thread. I feel like you knw what I'm going through. As for going out alone - I actually end up in the ER because I have sever pains like a heart attack - sever sweating, chest pains, can't breath, shake, pain up my neck, into my aw so bad I can't talk.... My husband had a real heart attack a year ago, but he's fine now. I recognized the signs only he never had chest pains.... Anyway, I can't leave the house unless I'm with my husband.

Thank you! Hugs!!

((((Bash)))) I am sorry you are struggling so much. I can relate. I struggled with agoraphobia, pan/anx/depression. One of the hardest parts about agoraphobia is the isolation. I too went to the ER for what I thought was heart trouble...it was a severe anx attack. The symptoms are very similar to an MI. I am glad your husband is ok.

Have you been able to pinpoint what caused the anx attack to begin with? If you dont have one I would urge you to speak with a T. It can really help. Also, I hope you will see your dr about the depression. There is absolutely no reason for you to suffer like this. You can get help and start working to get better...you have to just take that step.

The unnecessary spending is a symptom as well of something deeper. Perhaps you can explore that with your T as well. Especially because these actions could have serious consequences on your family's financial health and well being. This could create a situation that could make things a lot worse than they already are

Wishing you the best. I truly hope you will speak with your dr and find a good T so you can start really living life again.

Kind regards
Rose