[Clinte89]

Well tonight I tried to alleviate my depression which has been going on for about three weeks of course not consistently but its been there, by riding my bike. You know what I found? Well it made me lonely it was dark and spooky and I had no riding partner I was by myself which made my depression even more worse, for the time being. Now its about an hour later and Im feeling good again. But I felt good on my ride, so how does that make sense? I pushed myself to get out of the house which hasnt been done in a while well not under my own power, I do try to get out when someone offers but sometimes it just doesnt happen. How do you deal with depression? Do you have to force yourself to do things you would otherwise enjoy. Im just confused, because my depression comes and goes but i never feel un-depressed or unhappy, but not happy. Does this make sense I guess not, oh well I give up anyway. At least Im not contemplating sui like I was earlier.

[Moose72]

You rode in the dark? That could do weird things to me, too. Ride in the daylight and try to get going pretty quickly off and on. The exercise should help with depression.

[Trippin2.0]

Some nice warm vitamin D does wonders for me. So I try to relax and soak up the sun for a while when I'm blue. And yes, I have to force myself to do everything, even taking a chair into the garden... I agree with Moose, try daytime cycling, use some headphones next time if you can. A good tune is always a great idea

Originally Posted by Clinte89

Does this make sense I guess not, .

sure does buddy....

thats all I got for now....ummm....nah, actually I get on my pushy and zoom up the nearest hill and just stare at the road in front of me instead of looking way ahead....keep peddling and then I get to the top...

my mood after is almost the complete opposite....weird....to get my butt on that bike seat is the tricky bit!

thats when I have to look far ahead up the road, (in my depressed mind....sorta visualise) to make sure I get on the bike..

[Clinte89]

Thanks everyone, well today I had another small granual of success. I flew my helicopter for the first time in weeks, although only to find I now have to do some work on it. But its success non the less. Its weird Ill have bits of normality and bits of what my doctor calls mania all during this depressed time period. I guess thats why he says I rapid cycle. IDK Im gonna find out tomorrow! I call them grains of happiness sprinkled in an other wise dark and sad world.

[Clinte89]

Is it weird that I feel wide open right now but still no desire to do anything?

[faerie_moon_x]

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

Some nice warm vitamin D does wonders for me. So I try to relax and soak up the sun for a while when I'm blue. And yes, I have to force myself to do everything, even taking a chair into the garden... I agree with Moose, try daytime cycling, use some headphones next time if you can. A good tune is always a great idea

I'm with Trippin on the Vitamin D. I was Dx with a vit D deficiency about 3 months ago. Everyday I got sit outside by a tree on these benches in a park like area of my work. The calm quiet, the warm sun, the breeze... I really feel good out in the sunshine for a while, and I'm not an outdoor sunshine type person.

On days I don't go, I feel kind of like I missed something. Even when it's hot I got sit at least 5 minutes. But not when it rains.

Dark night riding alone would freak me out. LOL. I get paranoid being outside at night.

And yes, I try to do things I normally enjoy as much as possible. And comedy. Comedy, comedy, comedy. Even if I'm not laughing, it is less likely to start me on a doom and gloom cycle than the news or drama.

[Clinte89]

I'll try that. Yeah my paranoia has been in overdrive eversince he upped my abilify it has curbed mania however now everything freaks me out. Or what my doc describes as mania, anyway thanks for the advice I'll try that even if it's only for a few minuets each day. Thanks

I do force myself to do things I would otherwise enjoy. Its almost impossible to just change feelings, it's much more doable to change actions, actions change thoughts and thoughts change feelings. So I try to start at the beginning and work on the actions and the rest will follow, eventually, but it will if you consistently work on the actions. That's really hard but everything is hard when you are depressed.

I try to do the opposite of what I want to when I'm depressed. I think depression tells us what we want to do, and it's the exact things that will worsen the depression. It's a bit like slaying a monster or feeding it.

When I am depressed I get blips of feeling great even if it's only for an hour or a whole day. When I feel stable I could feel depressed for a day here or there, it's never a solid thing for me. But I think and this makes me curious , that to qualify as mania it has to last a week or more? I'm just trying to remember what I read in the diagnostic criteria. It sounds a bit and I don't want to be out of line, that your dr. Could be over analyzing every blip in the road.

Moods are very pliable, they shift a lot, it's pretty normal to a varying degrees of depression and even good times throughout a depressed period. I think it's kinda of normal for the mood to shift a bit, especially for short periods. But this is just my opinion on it.

[Clinte89]

Thanks for that it does make sense. I do wonder of he misdiagnosed me entirely sometimes because I don't ever have, what he calls mania, for more than a day or two and sometimes only for a few hours and he describes it as mania because I act way more wild then my usual self and feel all the same things as described by mania so idk. I do think your right about that. I'll check into it

[Clinte89]

I fit ultradian cycles but that's it so I guess im stilll Bp damn I still wonder if I'm just cyclothymia or bpd

[BlueInanna]

You have a helicopter! How cool is that

Yes, I have to fooooorrrrrce myself to get up & out & moving, to exercise, or even sit in the sun for the VitD. It has been working in recent weeks too. It's like if I keep going and going / and get regular sleep then the depression can't catch me.

[BlackPup]

I make myself go out for walks or coffee when I'm depressed. It helps me to get out of the house and be active. I tend to go to sleep early when I'm depressed.