[Berly0384]

Man I'm struggling and I have been for four years now ever since I met this guy. I hold on too tightly. You see he has a drug addiction and I myself am dually diagnosed. When we met we were both sober but it didn't take long until he relapsed. I relapsed about a yr. later because I just couldnt let go. My question regarding bipolar disorder is this: does anyone else with this disorder find it extremely hard....harder than those without the disorder (b/c I know breakups are hard for everyone) to let go of a toxic relationship? I feel as if my bipolar in some ways won't let me or tricks me into staying in it. I keep going back although it is killing me. He is my drug and biggest relapse trigger. I am sober now and am getting stable on my meds again but if I talk to him forget it I throw everything away and I know I'm doing it at the time. I've done this with other guys but never like this. I'm hanging on til it kills me and it seems like I very well could like this. I must be brutally honest if I want help I guess but sometimes I let this relationship consume my life (like call like 30 times a day consume me). Its embarrassing I know but then Im thinking who else is going to put up with my craziness. He has a schizophrenic brother so he somewhat gets it. Plus we are both drug addicts....i don't know. All iknow is that I have to get away but I always go back. Something is making me obsessed with this and I was just wondering if anyone else has had a similar experience. Thanks so much, Berly

[missbelle]

It is always not just about just being bi-polar. Other people have the same problems. Because you have an addictive personality, you are literally addicted to this guy and to the drama. Therapy can help if you are not already getting it. Also some good books which I have read are about co-dependents. There are some good books out there. You can get them at the library or order on-line from Amazon.com. At our AA club they also have a group for co-dependents using the 12 steps. I went to quite a few meeting years ago and it definately helped me. You might want to check if there are any in your area.

[Clinte89]

Im an alcoholic/addict myself and think it is the personality of addiction. My ex I was and still am addicted to, It made the relationship very difficult cause I wanted her with me all the time so it lead for a very toxic relationship for her as I was either drunk or high and abusive all the time, yes I was a bad person at one point sorry guys/gals. But I figure telling my story may help you. Like I said I was addicted to her and that made me go crazy if she hung out with anyone else. I went manic on her once which wasnt pretty which ended the relationship it was the last straw. So yes I do believe being bp does make it more difficult to have a stable relationship and I believe the being an addict part just leads us for a more addicting personality like missbelle said and we become codependent on the person which makes things even worse. I still try to call her and its been 8 months even though I was the one that ruined it. Well thats my speel. And Missbelle that cat picture is awesome.

[Irreplaceable]

Hi Berly....

It may not necessarily be a bipolar thing....I think that any break up is hard to handle...And letting go, especially after you have invested years, is hard to do in general...And yes that includes not being able to let go of someone even though you know, or feel, that they are not right for you...I think the one characteristic about your situation that comes from bipolar, is the fact that you purposefully want to be with someone even though they are no good...Maybe because you feel you can't get better than what you already have? Clinte articulated what it is that I am trying to say...The attachment issue/obssession may be caused by bipolar....That aspect of your relationship, from what you described, sounds like someone who is bipolar or something along those lines...I have had similar issues with being obssessive...Clingy...etc...It can be a lot to deal with....Being bipolar period makes any relationship hard and makes you do and say things that you normally would not do....

[BlueInanna]

Hey Berly, I'm no good at breakups - every ex was an alcoholic or additionally a drug addict, and I would drag them on for years. I would agree I tend to be obsessed with certain lovers. But I do think I've improved with the men I choose. I've got one now that is only an alcoholic at night (?) go figure. But he's the most stable man I've ever dated and that's something I need for my health. I do go to Alanon and that is really helpful. You've got a double wammy tough situation Glad you're looking to understand it, understand yourself. You're on the right path I think.

[thickntired]

From what I learned in rehab - don't start any new relationships for the first year of sobriety (esp with a fellow addict). Focus on yourself & your sobriety. Unless that's not what you want.

Peace & Hugs,

TnT

yeah they said something similar to us in rehab also...

"get a pot plant...(not weed obviously) and keep it alive for 1 year." ... "then get a pet...(probably smaller than a horse yep) and keep it alive for 2 years, as well as the plant (so don't get an animal that eats the plant)... anyway thats 3 years now of being responsible and unselfish so then we were encouraged to consider being with someone.

hmmm...I still have my plant and I feed the neighbours cat.

I'm not too bad at the meeting person part....the breakup part, however, has always been a heartbreaking inevitability and I'm really not any good at the bit in the middle...thats where my BPD problems will outrun every other problem of mine and it will get me to the finish line all alone everytime...waaah!