[grey_aj]

I've never posted in this forum before, but lately I've been feeling like I can't really predict what I'll feel like the next day. It's nothing that serious, but I really don't want it to escalate into something that will be serious. I'm thinking maybe cyclothymia? Also, I've been taking a lot of crap from my mom recently, who constantly contradicts herself from one day to the next and I'm getting sick of her unpredictability as well.

Some stuff about me: Used to cut, don't have a T, don't a pdoc, don't intend on getting a T or a pdoc anywhere in the near future.

Just wondering if any of you guys can help me out a little... thanks

I wish I could help you, ajbpdijhsk, but I'm not a doctor, as you know, and we can't
diagnose.

I can tell you, though, that cutting is one symptom of bipolar illness for some people.

You really need to see a psychiatrist to get a definite diagnosis so that you may take proper medication to ease the symptoms. If it is bipolar, it can only get worse
over the years unless you do seek treatment.

To change the subject, you also should correct your mother gently in her behavior.
It isn't healthy for you to be around negativity, because that is a loading for depression. You don't want that in your life if you can avoid it.

Take care of yourself and please decide to see a pscyhiatrist soon; it's the best possible thing you can do for yourself and your well-being, in my view.

Thanks for posting and continue to keep in touch as you wish.

Genetic

[Confusedinomicon]

Cutting is not a symptom. Its a way to deal with pain and a consequence of feeling bad. I SI for several years and it was a maladaptive behavior I picked up because I didnt know how to deal with the pain I was experiencing. A symptom is the depression youd be feeling.

Your mood is probably unstable because your mom is being sour. Anybody in that situation would feel out of control. Moods can be unpredictable at times especially when under a lot of stress. I think you should keep writing and try to find a solution to deal with your mom. If mood continues to be totally unstable then its a good idea to see a t at the very least.

[Clinte89]

I agree that you need to see a pdoc if you feel this way, don't resist getting one as they are the only ones who can dx you properly and get you on the right medication.

[grey_aj]

Thanks for the suggestions guys, but it's really not feasible for me to get a pdoc. I have highly judgmental parents, and junior year of high school is coming up and I really need to work hard to get into a good college. Pdoc or T are just not possibilities for me. And what would I say? "Mom, I think I might be a little bipolar because of you?"??

I've read how environmental factors can cause bipolar and how sometimes it is just learned behavior from an unstable guardian figure. My mom thinks I'm lazy and that I don't set high enough expectations. Well, if I didn't have high expectations, would I have started SI?! Btw, SI is something that I *used* to do, past tense, I don't anymore + NO ONE in real life knows/ knew about it.

Honestly, all I want is just a *little* stability.

[Clinte89]

You don't have to say it like that, just go talk to your regular doctor and say you feel like something is wrong and your having difficulties and you need to see a pdoc and he can refer you to one. Then you just say to your mom your doc recommends you see a pdoc. I'm just saying do that and your parents can't deny you medical help legally. At least here in the states they can't deny you needed help.

[grey_aj]

Unfortunately, I'm not in states, that's another issue I forgot to bring up. Anyways, I know I'm probably sounding stubborn right now but I'm not going to get actual medical help. I just need to suss out what I'm feeling right now. But thanks anyways.

[Clinte89]

Well we will be here so you say whatever you need to get off your chest. At least we can be of help in that way.

ajbpdljhsk, cuting does occur in bipolar illness as a result of poor stress management from early childhood, in some cases. I've never done that so I know very little about it. However, it can also be related to another personality disorder, so you really need to be evaluated to find out what's happening. With a doctor's advice, you may be able to talk to your mother more rationally so that she will believe what you are saying.

I'm genuinely sorry you feel you can't see a physician, but as Clinte and I have recommended, please keep in touch if you need to discuss things further.

I hope you feel a little better after discussing this.

Genetic

[hamster-bamster]

I've never cut, but I have borderline personality disorder and therefore I have read a bit here and there about bpd and know that they often cut (or HAVE CUT IN THE PAST). Here on these boards there is a forum for borderline personality disorder. It might make sense to peruse it.

[Confusedinomicon]

Sometimes it isnt bp or bpd. Sometimes a person can be genuinely stressed. If my mom kept telling me I was lazy and worthless, I would feel the same. The answer is not always "take medicines." A more appropriate answer would be to see a therapist. Schools should have a counselor so talk to them about stress management and getting into a good uni. Uni typically have affordable healthcare plans that allow you to see a therapist and potentially a pdoc.

When you are underaged in the US your parents are paying the bill and can deny you access to a pdoc. I didnt see one until I was legally an adult.

If, on the other hand, you do have either bipolar illness or borderline personality disorder; and you know that you will not or cannot see a psychiatrist, you may be able to help yourself by trying some of the following things:

1. Keep in touch here whenever you need to vent regarding what's happening at home.

2. Try removing all the caffeinated sodas and coffee and tea (which has caffeine in it) for several weeks--say three (3) and see if your feeling tone improves. If it does,
you know that you are one who may be sensitive to caffeine and you might wish to avoid it.

3. Try to cut back on the use of sugar as much as you can, since it can mimic the
highs and lows of bipolar illness.

4. Don't try to medicate by using anything that contains alcohol. It is a depressant
and will make your feeling tone worse after it wears off.

These are just suggestions. If you do have bipolar illness and it is a mild case, even aspirin can help relieve some symptoms, according to my psychiatrist.

I won't go further than this, except to say that these are all things which my psychiatrist recommended, and if they help you, you have learned a good bit about what to do to aid in relief.

A major help may be to talk about what's happening to you at home so that experienced members here may be able to give you some sound advice.

Please try to take good care of yourself and know that you are a good person with valuable talents to contribute as you go forward with your education.

Genetic

[grey_aj]

Thanks guys. I have considered BPD briefly before and I've looked at the criteria list several times but I don't feel like I fit, and my SI was never very severe. Anyways, bipolar was just running through my thoughts because I was feeling frustrated at all the irrationality. Shouldn't be that much of an issue...

A very large part of me is saying that everything is fine and that this is just a phase of adolescence or something. Only a very tiny part of me thinks that something is wrong.

Cutting is a tool. Period. VERY effective tool at that because the rush of it replaces anxiety and those depressive feelings... but it is a trade off. It breeds self hate. You really have to be careful of any sui. feelings you may have while cutting because it can amplify those feelings. It QUICKLY becomes habit for those that are using it as a tool for relief.. and can become an addiction too. I cut to the point that it was like an addiction before. Not anymore though.. but I still think about it. Actually, I would like to but I know that I can't afford to get caught lol.

Please stop cutting if you are, it's something that stays with you always and no one needs that kind of crap in their life.

[grey_aj]

At least today felt normal. Thank god.

PS. Thanks to everyone who's posted.