[kazine]

I am pretty positive that I am bipolar II and have been for a long time. I have even compared my symptoms with the description of bipolar II in the DSM and found that they match exactly, but for some reason psychiatrists are continuing to tell me that what I am going through is normal. Here are a list of my symptoms:

Elated Moods:
- 3 months of feeling "elated".
- In this time having casual sex with at least 4 people.
- Not being able to sit still in this time and feeling like I have to be moving.
- Have reckless sex/dangerous sex to the point of tearing my vaginal wall and bleeding a lot and refusing to go to hospital, claiming that I would be fine, and not allowing their partner (one of the casual sex partners) to call an ambulance until I collapsed, nearly passed out and threw up, despite losing a LOT of blood.
- On the way to the hospital even though I was bleeding a lot (had to have 2 blood units in transfusion) I was just laughing and carrying on with the ambulance staff, not realising the seriousness of the situation.
- Have a huge self-esteem that was extremely unrealistic.
- Friends and classmates constantly asking if I'm drunk or high because my mood is so unnaturally elated.
- Sleeping a lot less than usual (3 hours a night at times).
- A lot more motivation to exercise and do school work, and trying to find a job.
- I drank a lot more, and smoked cigarettes and weed when I would usually be against smoking.
- Ideas and thoughts were going through my mind so fast that I couldn't physically talk fast enough to keep up with them.
- A lot more sociable, not scared to talk to random people in the street or on public transport when I wouldn’t usually do this.
- Feeling like I have endless energy.
- These elated moods are getting more intense every year.

Depressed Moods:
- Have been diagnosed as depressed by my GP and have suffered depression annually for the past 4 or 5 years.
- Moods seem to last 4-5 months at a time.
- Completely miserable all day every day.
- Suicidal thoughts and ideation every day.
- Wishing I was dead and that everyone would be better off if I was dead.
- Self harming.
- No motivation whatsoever (failed to attend college quite often)
- No longer interested in anything that I used to do.
- Cut myself off from people because all I do is complain to them about how miserable I am.
- Sleeping more
- Other people noticing that I am clearly depressed as I shut myself off and don’t talk to people.
- Lack of energy.
- I had depression like this for months during my A-Levels and I nearly dropped out of college.
- The only reason I am coping at the minute is because I’m on 600mg of Quetiapine which helped the day I started taking it, which was in August 2011. (I know this is not a placebo as I have been on Citalopram, Sertraline and Fluoxetine and they had no positive effect, only negative effects)
- Hating myself and my self-esteem being rock bottom.
- At worst, I have gotten to the point where I physically cannot get out of bed in the morning, and it takes my partner literally dragging me out of bed to get me up. Showering first thing in the morning seems like the most difficult part of my day, because I feel so low. I could easily stay at home in bed or sitting in front of the PC all day every day.
- These depressive moods are getting more intense every year.

Why are they still continuing to deny me a diagnosis? I need a diagnosis to get put on appropriate medication. I can't depend on my boyfriend to keep supplying me quetiapine forever.

Kaz x

[gina_re]

how many doctors have you seen?

[kazine]

I've seen three psychiatrists, two of which I voiced my suspicions to. The first one was a horrible man who told me that EVERYTHING I told him was normal and downplayed everything - the second one basically said "you're not bipolar because you don't have x y and z" and listed a load of symptoms I know to my MANIA symptoms, not hypomania.

It's driving me insane.

Kaz x

[Clinte89]

Hang in there sometimes finding a good pdoc is hard and they need to at least tell you what they suspect you are.

[kazine]

Originally Posted by Clinte89

Hang in there sometimes finding a good pdoc is hard and they need to at least tell you what they suspect you are.

Example of how terrible the first one was; he said that my depression was "mild to moderate" depressive disorder... Comparing those symptoms above to DSM criteria I should meet the critera for severe depression...

Kaz x

[Clinte89]

Have you tried asking them why they diagnosed you as that? im sure you have just asking. Im no doc so I cant say but maybe they see something you don't Idk?

[alantam]

Many doctors are too careful in finding a diagnosis because they are not "too" sure. Maybe keep on finding the one tdocotor that is suitable for you by referrals from your GP.

[kazine]

Originally Posted by Clinte89

Have you tried asking them why they diagnosed you as that? im sure you have just asking. Im no doc so I cant say but maybe they see something you don't Idk?

I know why he said it. He's a lying twat. Everything I described to him, he wouldn't really listen, he'd cut me off half way through describing my symptoms and tell me that they were nothing even though they're ruining my life.

The first ever time I saw the second woman I presented all of my symptoms and mood charts showing extremely out of the ordinary elated moods and she just said that "if you had bipolar you'd be on a ward by now".

Kaz x

Also, even after they take you on as a patient, it can take months or more for a pdoc to settle on a diagnosis if they prefer to be cautious. I know my pdoc worked with me as MDD for well over a year before he finally personally saw enough pattern and symptoms under his care to arrive at a bipolar diagnosis. Perhaps first you need to just find a pdoc you feel pretty comfortable with and allow them some time to evaluate you before insisting on a diagnosis.

[alantam]

For the time being, ask your GP if it is okay to talk to him/her whenever you do not feel well. If not, talk to your GP once or twice a month. By talking to somebody, it will relieve some of your discomfort.

[kazine]

The problem is though that I need the meds - now! I've been in the system for THREE YEARS and now my meds are wearing off so I need them upped or changed desperately, and I have to have a bipolar diagnosis to get them changed.

I'm stressing so bad because it's been the past week or so that my dose has been wearing off and there's no one to change them or put them up and I really really really don't want the depression I described above to come back... I managed to go without my annual depression last year because of these meds... They usually get worse every year... So it's probably gotten twice as worse since I last had the depression two years ago...

Stressing out because I'm starting uni soon... Last time I had this depression I nearly dropped out of taking my a-levels.

For the time being, ask your GP if it is okay to talk to him/her whenever you do not feel well. If not, talk to your GP once or twice a month. By talking to somebody, it will relieve some of your discomfort.

Talking doesn't help for me. Last time I was depressed I complained to anyone who would listen, I was constantly talking, and it just didn't help at all. The meds are the only thing that have ever helped. :/

Kaz x

[gina_re]

Some docs are quick to give a diagnosis, others not so much. So it does depend on the doc. Have you ever been hospitalized? That might be a clear indicator that you have bipolar disorder. I was first diagnosed with MDD before coming to the Bipolar 2 diagnosis.

[kazine]

Originally Posted by gina_re

Some docs are quick to give a diagnosis, others not so much. So it does depend on the doc. Have you ever been hospitalized? That might be a clear indicator that you have bipolar disorder. I was first diagnosed with MDD before coming to the Bipolar 2 diagnosis.

I was hospitalised because of what happened when I was bipolar, ie. me being reckless and suffering a vaginal tear that required me to need 2 blood units in transfusion. I wouldn't see why I would be hospitalised with hypomania...

Kaz x

[hamster-bamster]

I do not know the English system, but can you go to ER and complain? Say you are fearing suicidal depression (exaggeration seems the order of the day if things are so bad) and your meds stopped working.

[kazine]

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

I do not know the English system, but can you go to ER and complain? Say you are fearing suicidal depression (exaggeration seems the order of the day if things are so bad) and your meds stopped working.

I was thinking of doing this actually... I go to Austria on Friday so unfortunately I won't be able to until I get back... I'm definitely thinking about it though... Last time I went to the hospital because I was so suicidal and dissociated they told me it would be a 4 hour wait so I'm hoping it'll be better this time...

I seriously wish I'd thought of this before taking my meds or I would have gone tonight.. Unfortunately within half an hour I'll be dropping off to sleep so I can't go tonight :/ Might go in the morning if I can get up...

Kaz x

[Eliza Jane]

You might check out a book called "why am I still depressed" and the accompanying website psycheducation.org. It looks specifically at bipolar II and gives specific suggestions on how to talk to your doctor about what you believe to be your diagnosis. I found his info very helpful.

The name of the diagnosis matters less than the meds that they give you. Have they been giving you mood stabilizers or just regular antidepressants? I had a pdoc that said I was maybe BP II and treated me medically like I was BP II, but on my paperwork just listed depression. I thought that was silly, but at least I got the right meds.

Best,
EJ

[kazine]

Originally Posted by Eliza Jane

You might check out a book called "why am I still depressed" and the accompanying website psycheducation.org. It looks specifically at bipolar II and gives specific suggestions on how to talk to your doctor about what you believe to be your diagnosis. I found his info very helpful.

The name of the diagnosis matters less than the meds that they give you. Have they been giving you mood stabilizers or just regular antidepressants? I had a pdoc that said I was maybe BP II and treated me medically like I was BP II, but on my paperwork just listed depression. I thought that was silly, but at least I got the right meds.

Best,
EJ

That's the problem. All I get is "we can't give you mood stabilisers without a diagnosis". I'm currently on seroquel and the only reason they agreed to give me that was because I was taking it illegally thanks to my BF and it was helping... she refused to put my dose up to 600mg when 450mg wore off so I was taking 600mg illegally and now that's wearing off... I know this means it was probably the wrong drug for me but I wish someone would take the opportunity to listen to me and actually try to prescribe me maybe a different type of mood stabiliser... But they won't...

Kaz x

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by kazine

I was thinking of doing this actually... I go to Austria on Friday so unfortunately I won't be able to until I get back... I'm definitely thinking about it though... Last time I went to the hospital because I was so suicidal and dissociated they told me it would be a 4 hour wait so I'm hoping it'll be better this time...

I seriously wish I'd thought of this before taking my meds or I would have gone tonight.. Unfortunately within half an hour I'll be dropping off to sleep so I can't go tonight :/

Kaz x

Go when you are back in England. And let us know how it went.

[kazine]

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

Go when you are back in England. And let us know how it went.

I'll go tomorrow if I can get up early enough as my BF's dad is picking me up after he finishes work which would probably be about 6... But seeing as how late it is now and the fact I've had my meds means I probably won't get up until about 2. So it depends if I can get up - I've put an alarm on for 10.

Kaz x

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by kazine

I'll go tomorrow if I can get up early enough as my BF's dad is picking me up after he finishes work which would probably be about 6... But seeing as how late it is now and the fact I've had my meds means I probably won't get up until about 2. So it depends if I can get up - I've put an alarm on for 10.

Kaz x

Well if you manage to get up at 10 feeling underslept and crappy, it will only make your symptoms more believable . Looking at the bright side now .

[Victoria'smom]

I would seriously, seriously get a good T (psychological) and see her/him weekly. They can help you manage your moods/ track your moods until you can get proper meds. T's have more clout in getting you properly dx'd, meds, and into inpatient or intensive outpatient. I would not tell her what you think you have just go w. the flow. My pdoc & T disagree with what my dx should be but at hasn't interfered.