Bipolar? Really?

And let me just add to the schizo experience, it was not BS. His visions, dreams and visitors spoke another language. He spent half his life trying to figure out what language was it. With my help we found out it was Hebrew. So he finally was able to fully understand the tons of note works he had made over the years. It wasn't something his mind made up, it wasn't crazy. They were actual messages to help him in life.

In some ways illness implies it is "bad" to experience bipolar and it is beyond our control to get better like our thinking and choices have nothing to do with it but, they do to a point at least in how you cope.

Making it medical makes bipolar impersonal.

that is true

It's true and it's not. I care deeply about what happens in the world, but I also try to see the positive changes in the world as well. If I only ever looked at the bad parts I'd probably be dead, or so cynical that I would be the loneliest number.

I think the news headlines should read more like " Jimmy got an A on his science test for the first time", " Mystery gardener installs planter boxes as love offering to San Fancisco" . You get the idea, maybe more of a balance instead of 50 horrible stories with one fluff piece at the end. It might be a good place to start. The last example is actually a real headline.

Exactly! That's what I believe that we do have control with every choice we make, the association of illness to it all just doesn't work for me.


True! I think news should show more positive headlines.

I don't know that I agree with that either. That sort of thinking resulted in several (very unsuccessful) attempts to stop my meds. I'm tough, I can will it away, therapy "fixed" me, etc. I think getting to the point where I could accept my condition as a legitimate medical illness allowed me to have some compassion for myself. It also allowed me to recognize that going off my meds is unrealistic for now and unlikely to be successful in the future. That isn't fun, but I think that conceptualization fits with the reality of what I have experienced and it more likely to keep me safe and well in the future.

Again, not saying anyone has to share my experiences or views. Just sharing about my own journey.

Best,
EJ

A man in my support group took that route, stopped meds, believed he had no depression. It led him to a suicide attempt, then multiple sessions of ECT before any med would have an effect. So much for thinking he didn't have an illness.

There are illnesses that have no cheerful side to them. Take social anxiety, for example. Or phobias. Or diabetes. There are illnesses that have a cheerful side to them. Migraines are awful, but are correlated with high sexual activity. So something fun. Bipolar, too, has a fun component to it, but statistically (and you lucked out - you are not part of that statistic) bp spend more time depressed than manic.

I have dated a guy whose diagnosis is still unclear to me - bp or schizophrenic. Most likely bp. When I left him (stupidly) for my would be first H, he attempted suicide but was saved. He was a genius composer. Many years later, when I was no longer in touch with him and already living in another country, he did commit suicide. He was not properly helped. But he sure had a beautiful mind. Wrote classical music.

I then encountered schizophrenics and schizoaffectives on a locked psychiatric unit. Terrible human suffering. One of them had to be there all the time - her family could not deal with her at home. Another, a Ukrainian physicist from Stanford Physics department, tried to talk to me about his delusions about Jesus Christ. Very sad. He was lucky - he had a very caring sister who visited daily. I do not know whether he was able to finish his PhD.

You are clearly unfamiliar with the human suffering part of mi. You drew a lucky card - enjoy and stay away from generalizations. Statistically, it is a very very lucky card (low probability event).

I also would like to add that I don't think that "accepting you have an illness" and "seeing light at the end of the tunnel" are mutually exclusive. In many ways, my illness is managed much better than it was 5 years ago. Just because it is an illness doesn't mean that it is the end of the line. Many people can and do improve with appropriate treatment and lead good and happy lives in spite of having MI.

Best,
EJ

I can't disagree with a single thing you've said, EJ. Well done!

By accepting I have something I can't control alone, I've made it easier to live with. This doesn't mean I think that by accepting it it defines me OR that it will go away.

I think the issues in this thread are that we all experience our illness differently and regardless of how we cope, we all need to learn to cope; it doesn't go away. It's like willing diabetes away. Wishful thinking doesn't make it so. For some, believing its a flaw to be worked on might work. For others, simply making it day by day works. And then there are still others who embrace it as part of who they are and that works.

Generalizing any part of any mental illness will land you in a bad place.

Jesus, I think some of us are really sensitive. We all have different opinions on what works and what not. I didn't mean to offend those of you that need medication and that disagree with what I say. I'm just giving a different perspective that helps me, I'm not being judgmental or generalizing on other conditions etc etc.
I'm choosing for myself to view a positive, different perspective on things. Doesn't mean it works for all cases etc etc. Again I decided to share it not to upset those of you that don't share my view but to give hope to those that may find it. So peace out.

We are super sensitive, imho part of bp, and may also vary with our moods. Sometimes nothing anyone says can bother me. Other times i'm easily ticked off. I've screamed at some of the posts I've read... but right now thinking back on those it's like, meh, no big deal, really, let it go.

I've always been a hippy and avoiding doctors and medicines unless totally necessary. What changed for me was when my daughter attempted sui at age 14, and it was touch and go in the picu. She was then hospitalized, I had no experience with such a thing, never pictured it in being in our lives. I knew about my grandma's gorey sui, but it was before I was born. I was only told about it in my teens when I was depressed and suicidal. (at that time I decided I had to break the chain of sui in my family, and that's a good thought for me, I have a strong will). So I was desparate for help and they said she needed meds...realizing this is some dangerous thing that apparantly runs in my family. And then my son got depressed and then we're all dx'd bp... and it's mayhem. Trying to force the teens to take meds has not worked... I take some and they seem to help.... for now.

The views on bp vary widely. I still think it's part of my personality, and that meds can help when it flares up and I feel ill from it. I'm also well aware I'm lucky I don't have a more severe case, havent heard voices or hallucinated. But both my bp kids have those schizoaffective experiences, but they are choosing to go unmedicated for the time being. Maybe, if things happen for a reason, I have a less serious case so that i'm more able to care for my babies...

Just my ramblings, I'm glad you are here creativelight I'm thinking about things again that I havent thought about in some time.

Dang, BlueInnana......I can't even imagine what your family life's been like. My mother was probably BP, my grandmother had a "nervous breakdown", and my sister's always been dysthymic, but I'm the only known bipolar in the family and God knows I create enough drama for several people. (So far one of my grown sons has shown a likelihood of being BP as well.) I cannot fathom what it must be like to have a whole houseful of BPers. Lord, give this woman strength!

Amen to that! Lol, the bp family is a weird thing, but i'm so used to it.

I took the 2 teens to Denny's for dinner the other night. I've been manic, my son was stoned and in a good mood, my daughter was crying and stayed in the car. So my son and I began tearing up little pieces of napkin and paper and blowing them at each other across the table, I found it quite amusing. my daughter finally came inside with us and we said, why are you crying, why are you said? and she snapped, "because i'm bipolar!" my son asked what we could do to help. and i said why we can't just all be manic at the same time, would be much more fun. she said, "it doesn't work that way mom". .... lol and it really doesnt work that way. she started to eat and we made her laugh. This was a fabulous dinner!

Love is my consistency. There is little else I'm able to stay consistent about, since I really cant figure out when the moods are going to hit. it's been judgement and advice from every direction - you must be consistent and discipline! My consistency is my love for them, unwavering. Just a human woman takin it day by day. I hope your sons ok, hope it's not bp, but if it is he's got mom's wealth of experience to help.

You know I really hate the "you don't take meds, hence you don't suffer" generalization.

I cannot speak for the OP, but I gotten the same crap before... TBH, I think it's a lot about attitude. You can whine about being ill ill ill and oh-so-powerless, or you can accept yourself for what you are... and learn to work around your feelings.

Just go browse Icarus forums. There are many bipolars, even schizophrenics who go the non-med route for various reasons. Not because they are "lucky", but because that is what they chose. Because their own problems are more acceptable to them than problems that come from meds (yeah, I rather feel depressed then not being recall words in my native language. And my second languague). It may be bad, but mayb the other scenarios are even worse for us....
(After all after Chernobyl exploded many people stayed living there in the danger zone. ANd not because it was excellent place to live).

Not to put words in hamster's mouth (please jump in if I'm wrong) but I think she was reacting to the part of the OP's post where she said, "I suppose I have the cheerful side and I speak in its behalf..." I don't think her comments were meant to be about the unmedicated part. Not too many of us have just the "cheerful half" of the disorder.

That said, I understand why you would feel frustrated with people minimizing your suffering. Thank you for sharing that here in an attempt to make us all more sensitive.

Best,
EJ

Sometimes I think we misunderstand what others write because we have our own perspective on things. Kind of like we see what we want to see. It all comes down to what other member said (sorry I'm bad with names, hamster should know that by now) we bring our own experiences of how we deal with our own situations but at the end of the day we are just trying to find ways to cope.

I was like you very hippy because again my own experiences led me to be that way. I never attempted suicide nor anyone in my family that I know of. But I did have episodes of haluccinations.. I think it was also due to my lifestyle at the moment. I can tell you that I was hospitalized for two weeks and I was out, they didn't think I would return... I was thinking I was dead and in some type of pulgatory. It wasen't until my family was able to visit that I realized I was alive lol. I have been Blessed with a very loving family, they are my support system. However, they all should have mental diagnosis but I'm the only one that due to bla bla well I'm the only one with the diagnostic.
I'm sure we can all find in our families different types of disorders. I know my dad is bipolar like me, my mom is OCD and so on and so on.. But I honestly tell you, I wouldn't know how to handle it if my children were to develop any of our illnesses and attempt suicide. I guess life prepares you to handle what you can and we find ways to cope. I'm proud that you have not imposed to your children x or y. Your letting them experience their own journey, while taking good care of them.

I'm also happy to be here, I think I'm embarking new lesssons... I burried my past like it didn't happen. Almost as if I were ashamed of it when I used to be very proud of wearing my scars... Let's see what unfolds

I like what you say

You've missed my entire point. I was not referring to the OP's taking or not taking meds, but only to her mention of the cheerful side of her bp. And her schizophrenic bf did not die, unlike mine. That is why I do not see in her familiarity with the tragic part of the illness. I was not saying anything about meds, nor do I have any knowledge of whether the OP takes them. I know for example that you do not take meds and you suffer from lack of sleep and unexplained suicidality (heights? if I recall correctly) - I am well aware that not taking meds and suffering can go hand in hand. Re-read the post to which I was responding and you will get my point. I do not appreciate when my posts are called crap by people who did not take the trouble to understand the point, btw.

Exactly. I made a simple, statistically watertight comment that her card is very lucky because she is experiencing a very low probability happy event.

well, tbh.... we don't know what OP experienced... One may be optimistic despite what they been through... in general.

Being able to see the light in any situation IS a gift. Maybe it can be cultivate who knows. Deities know I do whine quite a big deal too. Don't call other person "lucky" unless you know their story. Sometime overly optimistic view indeed comes out of being a surviver.

that was not the impression the series of posts made, but in general what you are saying it is true. The choice of words ("cheerful") reflects more on mood than on attitude (optimism is an attitude and cheerful is a mood). So just a lucky mood.

I, in general, like to read about people overcoming struggles. I have read here about a person who peed on herself in bed in such depth of depression that she did not care she stayed in her own piss, and later she did find strength to get up. That is the kind of thing I like to read (and we may majorly disagree on important topics, that is OK). I did not have the impression that OP has such stories to share, but of course I might be wrong. Of course, it is always nice to know that someone has been lucky enough to have been dealt the cheerful side of things.

Ah, that was me .

And I think the real issue here is not being articulated. I'll make an attempt.

OP seems to be questioning the foundations of "bipolar disorder" and later the implications of what it means to hear, "you have a psychiatric illness". This is something that is difficult to do once you've accepted and internalized the medical view of "bipolar disorder" and from what I can understand, as someone who also questions this perspective, is that the medical view must be accepted for it to really work in some peoples lives. I've observed, not in this thread alone, that many who accept this perspective take questions as personal attack, much like patriotism or religion.

Some terms like "personality" were used which confused the issue for those all too familiar and ingrained with the "academic" understanding of the words too.

It's like you're talking about the same thing but on two different plains.

I've had psychotic episodes where I've hurt myself, I don't want to insult anyone but I think we need to be cautious in even suggesting to one another that we should stop taking our meds without consulting our doctors. I am not a professional & I'm sure most of the people posting on here aren't either. That being said I think if you have the opportunity & support to attempt to go it without meds or prof help I say more power to you! But I have a young son who depends on me & with my medication & a few life choices I find myself much more stable now. My son needs me to be healthy and I can't risk what could happen if I went back to handling things on my own. Logically I don't see why it would be any different then before I was on meds & tried to off myself then slept with eight men in a year. I'm sure people around me may think I'm claiming to have a disorder to excuse my actions. But they're wrong. I don't think I am blameless in my negative actions, but I feel guilty because I didn't reach out for help as soon as I felt out of control. The actions themselves were just a biproduct of a deeper problem that I chose to ignore or try to "fix" on my own. But I would rather deal with some uninformed people being afraid of me or judging me because of some label I'm associated with than try to pretend there's nothing wrong with me & hurt or let down my family (or myself) in any way.