Get upset when people ignore me

This is a huge trigger for me. Ie; when I send someone a pm and they don't reply. Or in a game when I ask someone something and no reply...

I understand an tell myself that maybe they busy, or didn't see it or something...
But it still BOTHERS ME A LOT....every...single...time! And this is a HUGE trigger for me. To the point where I cry and scream out loud, and if it's a really bad day, I get suicidal even. I think it has to do with how I suffered a lot of rejection in my life, and have a weak self esteem sometimes, so when it triggers hard, I break down.
How to cope??

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I try to remind myself that people can be busy or just wrapped up in there own hell at the moment. Its helps some.. self esteem is tough thing to build up , but it can be done.

I look back to who I was a year ago versus who I am today ... HUGE difference! I swear my T literally has saved my life many times .. he has helped me learn how to maneuver life in a healthier way .. Its not an over nite fix. I'm a work in progress .

"try" to not beat yourself , be kind to yourself

They probably are busy, or have some reason for not replying or not replying right away. Maybe they are still thinking on what they want to stay, maybe they keep thinking about it but a lot on their plate. You know what happens to me, I think about what I want to say, but I usually have a lot on my plate, then I come back to it again, then I feel guilty for not replying in a timely manner, then I think it's too late. Then I think what if the person is upset with me, then I procrastinate more because it makes me anxious. I don't have the healthiest thought process going on here either.

Maybe sometimes the person didn't see it, maybe if you text or msg someone it didn't even arrive on their end. There are so many reasons that could have absolutlely nothing to do with you. But I understand your thought process here.

Why does it get to you so much? I don't know. Over thinking it might be part of it. Maybe a tendency to fear being rejected or an automatic response to go to the negative. I am guilty of this too, and I think every one does from time to time.

But if it really gets the best of you, maybe trying to figure out why exactly you feel so strongly about it, what exactly about it bothers you so much, then you can try to work on the root of it. It probably won't go away until you fix the underlying problem.

Low self esteem, fear of rejection, negative thought patterns... only you really know.

I feel a lot the same way too. I think a lot of times people get meaning from these posts, even though they do not respond. That's the point, right? getting meaning or something else that you need from this forum? Don't feel bad. I think we are all searching for some meaning on here, we are all a little desperate sometimes to hear a response when we post something that really matters to us. It's a form of validation. Telling us that yes, we are understood and no, we are not freaks.

It hurts, yes, when we feel ignored. especially when what we are posting is how much we hurt. sometimes we post how much pain we are in, or we approach a post in such a way as we hope someone has felt the same way and will recognize our pain. We all need validation. We all need to know that at least one person cares.

We all need someone, and when it feels like there is no one it really really hurts. So we go onto boards like this looking for that someone. One person. that's all we need sometimes. that one person to look inside of us and say, "everything will be ok". To say, "yes, I have felt that way too and no, you will not feel this way forever". Sometimes it's that one person that offers perspective to the one that is looking for any way out of this hell.

But even if everyone on the board did this for one, what then? The one would still feel as if his or her soul was bleeding, being ripped open slowly and sadistically. Misery does love company and it may make it better temporarily, but in the end we all suffer. In the end we all hurt. We all cry.

I don't know why I am writing this..... sorry to go off topic.

Well"Sesto" Im glad Im not the only one. I know its immature sometimes but it really strikes my anxiety.
"Anika" your probably right about the low self-esteem thing. I have that a lot. Eish i could get over it!!!

yeah this is what i think the reason is. Im in DBT and CBT and i know to control my thoughts and have a change of perspective, and that is how I cope. But it still frequently bothers me which is why I am asking for more tips. Also i am pretty lonely atm so thats a big factor.

But yeah what happened in the past is already over, every second is another chance to turn it all around.

I should make ammends with me, if only for better heaaalth - better heaalth....cuz if u really want to liiiiive, why not try - and make yourseeelf...MAKe - your -seeeeeelff (<- see what I did here? hows the song?)

Geez, I am totally like that! I am an excessive texter, IMer, etc. I want a response right away and I'll check my phone every five seconds (literally). I don't usually get angry, I usually get depressed. Because I think that they're too busy with other things, and they have a life and don't have time to respond to me, and I come up with all these reasons. And it's not that the person doesn't care about me, it's just not everyone obsessively checks their phone! I've been working on this a lot and I must say I have improved greatly!

I definitely know the feeling.

yeah guys its officially okay.

we all feel this way at times, and i don't believe we are ALL messed up this bad...

so i think its safe to assume at times everyone feels this way, i mean you feel ignored....as if your existence doesn't matter to someone - that feeling hurts anyone, except Paris Hilton, when she feels ignored she makes a sex tape hoping more people will notice

but yeah, hang in there guys, we will be okay, its just a feeling, find comfort know we are not alone

I get like that too, especially if I am really wanting to hear back from someone. It is hard to deal with sometimes. I've also had a lot of rejection in life. One big thing recently is facebook, which I don't go on very often, because I post things and over half the time my family doesn't respond to me, which makes me feel like they all talk to each other but ignore me... So I understand it is hard to deal with.

Everyone has to work around a schedule and schedules aren't always apparent. With PMs and things like that sometimes people don't notice, haven't been online, or are busy. Maybe even just trying to think of a response. But, one thing about PC I've noticed is sometimes the PMs don't go through. This has happened to me several times both with responses I've sent and people responding to me, so it could also be technical issues.

In game, a tell or a whisper that goes unanswered may have been missed completely. Maybe they have their combat screen up, or are in a chatter heavy zone, so it even rushes off their screen before they get the chance to see it. In games that have a "sound notification" of tells, a lot of people have their sound off to watch shows or listen to their own music. Also, people go AFK suddenly and a lot, sometimes for a long time.

I think the best way to learn to cope is practice. Maybe write little notes and stick them to your computer. Little reminders or mantras to chant to try to get passed it. Learning to deal with the past rejections and not project them into the present time. Things like, "Maybe they are AFK." Or... "Maybe they didn't see the PM yet." Stuff like that. Also positive self-reinforcers. On my computer I have this one: "You are the main source of your own happiness."

Other tipes: Take a moment, count to ten, get up from the computer and take a short walk (sometimes physical movement and fresh air help.) Take a shower. Just something to get your focus back. I know it's not easy. Getting triggered into an episode isn't any fun, I know, and hard to put the breaks on and reverse after. But, believing you can take steps to slow it, stop it, and turn it around is helpful too.

It's a learning process.

i'm almost the opposite - I ALMOST don't like getting replies cos i'm afraid i'm gonna get yelled at, and I know that comes from my past too - I just tried to keep my parents from noticing me, "flying under the radar" as they say. they didn't want to let me KNOW that they didn't like me, because that would have looked bad for them, but they weren't gonna pretend, either. so I have a very strange view of what affection is, cos I did think they liked me. most people apparently do not think that being blunt or sarcastic is showing affection, but I guess that's how I tried to take it. Stupid, stupid, stupid! Gotta laugh at myself.

I just want to tell everyone THANK YOU soooooo very much for this thread. I feel this a very self-damaging and terrible thing I do and it bothers people. I really think this has helped me. So whenever I do this again I will remember this before I fall on my face in self-loathing after I regret dong it. Awsome Help!

I think us bipolar people are very sensitive to certain things. We are very self-destructive. We are excellent projectors of what we think is happening and it becomes real to us. That's the whole "paranoia" thing, you know? It's not just thinking "what if they don't like me." It's suddenly, and fully, believing: "well, obviously they don't like me because of ________." And paranoia is a powerful thing once it has you.

Aye! dont forget - I MADE THIS THREAD...it was all ME!

lol jk

i'm sorry hankster that you feel like people will yell at you i'm sure in time it will get better so hang in there

but yeah its truly awesome to see other peoples feelings on this....today i felt soooo good because when i felt ignored, i remembered this thread on how most people seem to feel this way too, and i tell myself, "its just part of being human...we want to feel acknowledged and loved.." which is true.

but we ARE loved, wheather we realise it or not, and regardless, theres lots of love here at psycho central

I want you to tell me why do you care if they don't reply. You have to understand that it's not you or your message that is not important for the other person, they just have other priorities.

This is a HUGE issue for my sis. Wanting instant gratification is part of teh disorder. Take a breath. Think about why they may not be answerings- it isn't because they are ignoring you. Then go distract yourself...

I struggle a bit with this issue, too. I grew up with parents who would ignore me a lot. I'd be trying to tell my mom something that happened at school, for example, and in the middle of it, she would turn to my dad and ask him a question totally unrelated to what I was talking about.

I sometimes wonder if that's partly why I became a college prof who liked to lecture about stuff that was not in the textbook. Then if the students weren't listening, they would get penalized by getting questions wrong on tests! Who knows...

I actually read that teenagers especially tend to get very upset if they text someone and don't get an immediate response. They tend to jump to conclusions like you folks were saying. I guess they have gotten used to an "instant" society. When I was growing up, all we had was a landline--and we had to share that with several other families. So, we might have to wait to even get a chance to talk on the phone or get a call back.

Have you ever had a pdoc or T who wasn't listening while you were talking? That really burns me. At least I can say, "Look I am paying for you to listen!"

As folks have basically concluded, often when we feel ignored it's not about us. Other people are busy with other stuff, wrapped up in things, etc. Case in point: My BFF told me she was going to her beach house and wouldn't have access to the Internet. We generally e-mail each other almost every day. I thought she was only going to be gone for a few days, so I got concerned when I didn't hear from her for awhile. Come to find out, she was gone for a whole week. At least I didn't immediately think I was no longer her BFF or that I had just upset her in some way, so I think I'm making progress!

I couldn't have said it better. This exactly! My "husband" is always on me about this. But I can't help it, when someone doesn't respond, I automatically think I've done something wrong, or they're mad at me, or something of the sort. I find that I end up pushing people away rather than drawing them nearer. Thank goodness my best friend is bipolar as well so he understands me a lot better.

You know you don't have to wave up your hands and say, "well it's bipolar thinking" and just accept it right? You are aware of the problems this is causing you. You can choose the thoughts you pay attention to.

Exactly! So as I'm slowly identifying these issues, I'm working super hard to get rid of them. It's just in the realm of people I know (which is pretty small!) no one else is like this at all, and finds it VERY strange! But like I said, as I identify these issues, I'm working hard at them. It gets mentally stressful sometimes, but it pays off!

Aye don't worry kahrey, it takes time and it's not easy at all to control thoughts all the time. Everyone gets upset, part of being human...but as we get stronger mentally our upsets get fewer and fewer

We can tell your doing your best kahrey, so Rock on.

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good job thinking everything through setso. past couple years i learned that feelings are different than thoughts, i'm still figuring it out. but for example last night talking to my son about him relapsing with meth. told him i felt betrayed, also told him i'm not saying that's a fact, just how i feel, i know you weren't trying to betray me, and were just out with your friends doing your thing, but that's how i feel. he nodded and understood (he's possibly had more therapy than me).

so i'm figuring out how to have my feelings and how to think them through, which helps me process the feeling, time to choose how to react, etc.

and hey good song the incubus one, i liked it

I hope this isn't partly me... I haveen't read this whole thread yet but I will admit that I often struggle to keep in contact with people... But it is something I am working on. If this is in any way directed towards me, you have my deepest and most sincere apology. And I owe you a cupcake

nah it's not directed at anyone
Just happens randomly sometimes

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I think you have the right idea. It is they probably just didnt see it or are not online at the time, or have not had time to get back to you yet. Just try and give them a little more time. I know its hard to have patience when its something important but sometimes we have to. Hope your feeling better

I had honestly never considered this before! I would like to hear more things like this. It really gets me thinking about if I am playing victim and giving up or not. Thank you for this Cocoa.

will you start a thread and talk more about this? or at least pm me cuz it's this kind of thinking that I need right now. thnx