[faerie_moon_x]

So... I'm nervous. This is the start of my season of crazy cycling. August - December is my worst time of year for some reason. It's also the time of year that I always get written up at work for making mistakes. For the past three years, every year, I have gotten a write up in either Sept or Dec without fail.

I'm especially nervous this year after my horrible review in the Spring, the threat of being fired if I didn't get back to work, due to my hospitalization (and having no leave time left from having the baby,) and still needing to have more surgery and possible hospital time soon... My boss is not the issue on that, it's HR, the director hates me and has no empathy or compassion for people like me... you know... bipolar...

I'm feeling rather manic right now, actually. I definately got over the depression I was in after being sick (haha, funny right? A depressed person over the depression from one thing but still mixed? so now I'm better... better to be mixed.... that feels normal now...)

Anyway, I'm nervous about the fall.

[Miswimmy1]

take a some breathes. it will be ok

[Trippin2.0]

Well, dhx, you have 1 advantage... Experience. Not quite comforting, I realize,as bp even tho cyclical, still catches the best of us off guard, but you do have the upper in that you are aware of what may happen, and you can take steps to 'prepare'... Put safety nets in place, set a 'trap' for your cycle. Identify the tasks that you struggled with the most, and plan ahead how to handle them, should the tornado hit. Eg. If u have a trusted colleague, ask ahead of time if they might be of assistance. #Part 2..

[Trippin2.0]

Diarize meticulously (assuming u dont) for tricky tasks and deadlines. Schedule downtime, thats just for you, even just a 1/2 hr at a time, to give your mind a chance to regroup and not focus on anything except you... If you dont have a sleep schedule, make 1. Make a list of self-soothing activities, refer to it daily, and pick the most suitable (bubble bath is my fav) write down everything, I get so caught up in my mental mess that I forget the most simple exercise, #Part3

[Trippin2.0]

Then I post and someone reminds me that I forgot to breath... Breathing exercises help to centre me... Work on your contingency plan. It will give you a sense of power and control, which will help combat the fear... Not sure how relevent my post/s are, you might have done all this already, but thought I'd post anyway... Sorry for the multi posts, stupid fossil has a text character limit.
You can do this, you did it before, I have faith in you love you girl, you're gonna kick bp butt!

[CastlesInTheAir]

Hey, September and october are not pretty times of the year for me either. Last three years i have had an episode that resulted in hospitalization last year. I tend to call out more and am more unmotivated than usual. Hopefully we will be ok this year.

Sent from my DROID BIONIC using Tapatalk 2

[faerie_moon_x]

Thanks, Trippin. Don't worry about the posts. Breaking things down like that really helps me read them and make sense of them quickly... especially on a day like today.

[treehugger727]

Hang in there. I'll be sending over the positive vibes to you...you can get through it.

[Trippin2.0]

Dhx sssss

My worst time too Darkheart, from about august to probably about end of January. but usually the end of August, September, and October are the worst, and then I spend nov-jan just trying to recover. And I feel fear about it again this year as we approach.

What the heck is it about this time of year I wonder?

Trippin and Miswimmy are both right.

Breathe! Funny how something so simple and automatic is so hard to remember to do. No wonder we don't have remember to do the breathing that keeps us alive, we would all be dead.

I like Trippins idea of mapping out a good plan, just in case. And a plan for how to make it least likely. I am trying to work on one too right now.

First thing on mine is sleep, looks like that one for you is pretty high yours as well. I haven't got past this part of my plan yet haha. I suck at making plans.

And correct you've been here before, hopefully you can get through this time with out near as much trouble. But we are here for you.

[faerie_moon_x]

Yeah, I don't know what it is... Maybe there is a change in the lighting or a change in the weather or something. dubblemonkey shoult tell us if it's the same in Australia where everything is upside down and backwards.... Or if over there it is like February - June that is bad.

Plan... sleep? What's that? My baby isn't sleeping all that good and he's a morning person (a genetic anomoly in my family... he's the only one!) I try though. And... uhm... I'm a terrible planner. I always think I make a good plan.

[BipolaRNurse]

It is a change in the angle of the light. I spent most of my latest pdoc appointment learning about this. I'd noticed a little slippage and wanted to ward off the depression that slams me in late summer (and late winter is even worse). I'm going to try a dawn simulator and/or a light box to cope with it and see what happens; if you don't have one, you may want to try light therapy as well.

In the meantime, I'm looking forward to the autumn (my second-favorite season after summer) and wrestling with the minor mixed episode I found myself in last weekend after trying to go off Zyprexa. I expected a few crappy night's sleep; I did NOT expect to flip right into hypomania. But I did, and now I'm dealing with the ugly end of things---the euphoria and high energy are gone, and instead I'm pissed off and all too easily irritated. Yeccch.

[cocoabeans]

I usually get the same way but, oddly this year is different. Maybe because it still feels like summer here. Usually by the time the leaves change and the frost crops up in the morning, something clicks in my brain, well, just before that, it's like the excitement of knowing I'm doomed, top of a roller coaster, that feeling in your gut when it has just started to drop. Airplane turbulence.

But, I'm off medications, I always found them an awful reminder of being ill.

[BlueInanna]

Dark Heart, i'm worse through fall/winter historically. and it started for me today too, the worry. it was a muggy overcast weird weather day here. i'm so affected by the weather - tried to explain some to my pdoc, and she said "that's eerie". and i pay her.. lol. this year is different, like Trippin and other folks are saying, you have more experience and can better prepare for the intense moods to come, amongst all the other good advice. and you have us here for support

[faerie_moon_x]

Thanks, everyone. Yet again PC is here to remind me I'm not such a weirdo after all, just bipolar like all the other bipolar people... and we seem to have issues with fall. Which is funny, because fall is my #1 most favorite season! And includes my most favorite holiday! (Halloween!) Yet it sends my brain into overload...

Well, oddly last year was different. Aweful, horrible, in the top three worst years of my life. But somehow I navigated it, perhaps because I was going through crisis... I tend to rally in crisis.... and although things are not back to 100% normal, I would say they are more like 90% normal now...

But of course I had struggles happening with my bipolar but I guess they were minimized by the crisis... The problems of course were not pointed out to me until later, because I couldn't see them happening when they were happening.

I have heard of light therapy. Oddly, late winter is always when I get relief. I'm must more focused and steady in January and February. I used to think I had oposite SADS, because I get more depressed the sunnier and warmer it is.

Here right now the weather is warm and sunny and still hot. No frost yet.

[BlueInanna]

I love Halloween too I loooove how the fruiting persimmon trees look all bare, branches only, with orange balls of juicy delish on them! Also, fall is the nicest time to go to the beach here because the fog rolls out, all the tourists are gone, it's quiet, whales swim by

[faerie_moon_x]

Originally Posted by BlueInanna

I love Halloween too I loooove how the fruiting persimmon trees look all bare, branches only, with orange balls of juicy delish on them! Also, fall is the nicest time to go to the beach here because the fog rolls out, all the tourists are gone, it's quiet, whales swim by

That sounds nice. I'm not sure waht a persimmon tree is but I can google a picture. I don't live near an ocean but it must be nice.

Here everything turns bright orange and yellow. The Aspen trees turn the mountains into gold! The air is still warm but has that crispness to it, the mornings become chilly, and it has that smell in the air of the drying leaves and sometimes snow from the high altitudes. The heat of summer goes away but it is still sunny and the yellow and blue leaves and against the blue sky gives the impression that everythign is brilliant and on fire with sunshine.

Mmmmm fall!!!! Halloween leaves, squash, pumpkin patches, first snow fall...