he would rather prefer my mood swings??

so i'm a smoker and have been for a few years now. i have the desire to quit, but never succeeded and kinda gave up when things got harder, having to deal with insurance issues, medication issues, stability issues in general.
it just so happens that almost all men i "talk" to or date are non-smokers and do not like smoke and the current one is no different. we actually got in a bit of a quarrel during a mini-weekend-vacation we took a couple of weeks ago and my smoking was part of the problem.
i have been "talking"/"dating"/whatever you call it with this guy for about 5 months. he knows i'm bipolar and he know's that i'm a smoker, but i agreed to not smoke around him if it bothers him.

now, i'm not very stable even with my nicotine fix so therefore, if i'm having withdrawals my mood swings creep up no matter how hard i try to suppress them. i was under the impression that stepping out real quick to take a quick cancer stick break was considered "not around him", but i was a bit tipsy and i guess i took a few of those breaks when we were at the bar during our mini-vacation. i was wearing patches during the first few dates we went on, but they kept on falling off and i got lazy so i stayed clean. i explained to him that i'll most likely, definitely be pretty cranky (even while tipsy) because of the nicotine withdrawals. actually, i said "you won't like me with my mood swings", verbatim. he said he would rather deal with my mood swings and that he does not mind, he knows i'm bipolar and knows it comes with the territory. i agreed to keep off the cancer sticks in his presence. this was 2 weeks ago.

we hung out today and i was extra edgy. i was sleep deprived, was back on adderall, and was nicotine deprived so we ended in another little debate in which i ended with a silence (learned my lesson from the past). in the past i was one who always addresses problems whether it was to a family member, friend, or boyfriend/date/whatever. in the duration of being single for 1+ years i closed up, especially towards dates/boyfriends/potential boyfriends. in this case it is especially because this current "date" is under a lot of stress with other things in his life and the last thing i want to do is add more problems on his plate which in my opinion could wait compared to his other issues. he disagreed saying i should bring up any problems/concerns i have and not worry about stressing him out. long story short (although it turned out long anyways..) it came down to that i have a wall and i have somewhat of a trust issue which can not be resolved until further steps are taken from both parties.

basically.... if i was not having withdrawals and mood swings (which were somewhat controlled, very proud of myself) i wouldn't have "unraveled" which was what i called it and i probably would have kept my little mouth shut. in which he was glad (or at least he said he was) that i unraveled and brought it up. this just seems very foreign to me since i haven't "unraveled" and exposed myself to a guy and received a positive reaction from it since my previous relationship 2 years ago...

So.. it sounds like a good thing that you became unraveled? Maybe it will bring you two closer together?

I am too, quitting smoking and using the patch. my pdoc tells me that I can have up to five cigarettes a day while using it if I must. I don't know if I would/could deal with my wife saying I couldn't smoke around her though. I was a smoker when we got together, and if I must smoke then she knew what she was getting when she chose me. It is a huge stressor to have to change that part of your life for someone else, and I hope that he becomes more understanding of it. If he truly cares, then he will understand how hard quitting is and he will understand that if the patches don't work, or if they make life too hard, then you will still smoke.

Even tho I'm a smoker, and have no intention to not be one, I always commend others for kicking the habit. My mom struggled for years and years, strangely enough, she quit 3 weeks before my dad died, and still actually quit, and I'm so proud of her. Buuut, I dont agree with quitting just coz someone else doesnt approve of your habit, ESPECIALLY, if the habit started before you met them and you're not subjecting them to your 2nd hand smoke. Btw, so what if he prefers your moodswings, do you?... Goodluck!

About half way into our marriage my ex quit by sheer will power - no patches, no nothing. He says that cardiovascular exercise helps. You can try it - if you are careful not to injure yourself, it is a method without side effects. And it just might give you the needed endorphins .

very true. i know i smoke more when i'm stressed out. i also do smoke more when i hang out with my smoker friends. i've told him that smoking is one of the hardest substances to quit, i actually learned that it's almost as hard/harder than quitting heroin.

i don't like having mood swings, mainly because of the people around me. i just know i get super edgy and not many people can deal with it so i was just surprised that he said he can deal with them. my ex stopped bothering me and just let me smoke because he was sick of dealing with my mood swings, but at the same time i think i've gotten a lot better at controlling my mood swings than when i was with him.

that's awesome and i'm jealous. when i was still playing soccer, i remember the thought of having a cigarette made me sick after an intense practice. i love exercise and still go to the gym, but i can't do cardio because i messed up my knee (which i have to get surgery for) and can't get surgery yet so i also had to quit jiu jitsu and stopped running. so i've been sticking to weights... i did love the "runners/cardio high" and miss it...

My late grandfather quit many years ago, long before
nicorette was invented. I do not have any first hand experience since, aware how addictive it is, I have never started, but I am thinking that if it was possible before smoking cessation aids were developed it must be possible now when all these new options are available. Where I work, only people from India smoke. So others must have either not begun or quit. So it must be possible and I hope that you will succeed!

I used to want to quit smoking and I'd try and get anxious, panic attacks, trouble concentrating too! I kept trying to quit, would go even a month or two without smoking but, the anxiety and irritability that came from not smoking never wore off nor did it get any easier to stay quit.

What helped? Wellbutrin! I lost the taste for smoking, didn't even crave them. But, the side effects sucked and within the year I started smoking again. After a few months the effects of it sort of wear off I guess and with the crappy side effects like worse sleep issues and lack of appetite, not worth it if I'm smoking!

i'm on day 3 without smoking... this was a short relapse, about a month. october would've been a year. i say: quitting takes practice!

the bf sounds like a nice guy, open to discussions and you "unraveling" in front of him. sounds like he really cares about you.

True! Though for me, quitting smoking or not is probably the only time I really accept bipolar and doctor advice on the subject. Yep, that's right, I've got a disorder! I can smoke all I want and avoid quitting since the stress is too much

I've actually been advised not to quit before! Not don't ever quit but, maybe later instead! When my life isn't so "stressful"...well it always is! Maybe I make it that way but, it is!!

Apparently my moods are worse than increased risk of cancers, heart disease, strokes and all other unpleasant and less than interesting deaths! Sure doc, if that means one less anti-smoking lecture...one less thing to feel like crap about....FINE! I've got bipolar! I'll smoke.

Or maybe these doctors who have said these things are just trying to kill me off early, before I develop dementia, imagine the strain that a bipolar and senile person causes to the tax payer?

But all those black box warnings say not to administer meds to dementia patients, don't they? So the taxpayer cost of what - LT care?

Yep! Drugs are generally not tax payer paid here but, doctors, nurses, hospital stays...police chasing down the naked 80 year old wandering the streets too!

well maybe they shouldn't have taken her smokes away

totally agree. i feel any med should be more helpful than not

i think he does. i just feel bad and have been, because i've built up a wall and i guess i haven't been very open and seem like i'm hiding everything. i hung out with him today and he brought that up and was confused why that is and i don't know...
i can openly explain why i'm so nervous, edgy, cranky, etc. i've rambled in front of him and when i told him it was from the adderall he understood. i think i've been giving him excuses on why i have a wall up and i feel bad, but i'm just scared....

that used to be my all time favorite excuse! i always used to say "i'll do it when i'm not as stressed", but i kinda knew i was lying myself the whole time since there is never a "not as stressed" moment for me to quit

I actually got hypnotized to quit smoking. I was ready, though. So I do this hypnosis thing and have tickets for a Cubs game 2 days after. It is for a bachelorette party; we rented out one of the rooftops in Wrigleyville- this is all you can eat and drink covered in ticket price. Needless to say I was a little tipsy and had smoker friends there- I didn't even have the urge to smoke.

Now I have a drag or bum a smoke once in a while but have never felt inclined to buy a pack or get back on that horse. Good luck- youcan do it but you have to want to.

btw- your bf sounds like a great guy. Sounds like you know that, though so keep on appreciating him

huggles