no chill, no do, no nothin

sorry Anika, doesn't sound good could it be melancholy boredom, depressed mood coming on? sometimes i don't feel the depression come on. and then i'm in it. doesn't mean i get stuck in it, sometimes can pull myself out fairly quick. working with the kundalini helps. i do get the paranoia sometimes that someone is sucking energy from me. and remember, that could be purposely by someone, but more likely imho you could be freely giving too much of your energy, and get drained. giving is wonderful and beautiful, but sometimes we're drained and don't know why. maybe run some kundalini energy up your spine out of head and down around to fill your aura, layer with a royal blue for protection. this will transmute any negative psychic energy or influences. i do the same sort of quick meditation around my whole house and property.

Maybe that could help thanks Blue, ya energy suckers. hmmm

I can just here them now.... "she's having a sode' again" ....

don't know who them is, but they say it.

"them" is crazy frickers, they hide and suck energy, pathetic. yea i get a little paranoid. i like the sword under my bed, i'm not allowed fire arms. :/ probably a good thing.

I dont think I should have firearms, but dont have any anywaus , aside feom bear spray, which I would never use on a bear.

I tried to stop thinking all evening. It didn't help at all. Actually made it worse. Now I have even more stupid science ideas to think about. I don't think its depression Blue, just a brain that won't stop maybe.

yea, non stoppage of the brain i layed down, couldn't sleep. yelled at my son's friend, they're 16 and smoking cigs in the house. i already told them twice, then the third time i walk in his room and friend has a lit cig. i said loudly, " do not smoke fu.ckin cigs in my house! " he stared at me... duhhh... "did you hear me?? put it out already"... oh oh oh they are so insolent, these little guys might have stoppage of the brain

Sorry you feel so bad, Anika.

Maybe this is a side effect from medication?

Peace & Hugs,

TnT

I just noticed your avatar poked a tongue....

like all sneaky

hehe...

very cool....very funny....

Anika, I had a rememberance last night and thought maybe to pass it on to you today.

So a few years ago I did a meditative working (this was before this happened to me,) of cutting cords. I don't know if you're familiar with the idea of cords. It's that, everyone you meet is connected to you by a "thread" of energy and the longer you are connected to them, the more powerful that thread becomes. So, for example, you are very connected to your children but not so connected to that cashier you always see at the store. But, these connections both draw energy from you but also return energy to you. And there are people who draw way more energy than they return....

Anyway, in your lifetime you get tons of these cords. And, sometimes you are still connected to people who are no longer in your life even if you don't realize it. So, there was this meditation where you ask your diety (be it whoever you choose/believe in) to help you cut away the cords that are no longer needed, and to cut away the cords of those people who are taking energy that they do not require. Then there is a symbolic imaging of cutting these cords (which appear as silver threads running from you into infinity,) with scissors....

Anyway, I thought of this after thinking when you said it felt like someone was stealing energy from you. Or that a soul can be lost and in pieces, a shaman can return it.

I don't know if souls can be lost from a living person unless you did a meditation that brought you away from yourself and you didn't get back properly. I've never actually heard of that happening in real life, and not sure if it is actually possible or more of a fiction thing.

thank guys for bearing with me, I know I am stubborn.

Thanks dark hart,, that is interesting, and remember reading about something very similar to what you said.But it was when I was a teen, forgot about that.

For someone who very spiritual, I don't believe in any higher power, like dieties, or supreme beings, or gods. So I always feel like I am floundering through this alone. I sometimes look to dieties, but only for symbolism, maybe there is philosophy there that is worth using kinda thing.

Funny cause my bf who I don not talk to about this stuff, put a show on last night about spirituality, I think it was pure coincidence on his part because he is not spiritual at all, it was just a ted talk show. But it was interesting, talking about our minds being like a duplex, we stay on the bottom floor most of the time, but sometimes we find or create a staircase to take to the second floor. The bottom floor is where we are all involved in self, and are disconnected from others, when we go to the top floor we loose self and are connected to all.

So what happens when you stay on the top floor too long, maybe feeling an empathy overload... I dunno but this whole idea was built around a theory Darwin put forth, so I find it hard to dismiss a poppy cock. But it went on to talk about super organisms and stuff, god I was so tired to I am making a mess trying to explain.

Anyways thanks for bearing with me through my weirdness.

your weirdness is sooo easy!!



it makes more sense than any alternatives

Does it monkey, I dunno.

Maybe bipolar is just a an opps in our brain, that is not illness at all. Maybe sometimes our bipolar brains just go out of this middle world that we were built for, like an opps weren't supposed to go there, weren't supposed to see that, close the curtain.

Maybe it's just us sometimes walking in a landscape we are not intended to walk in. Our brains are not equipped to translate or navigate. A blip letting you pass through an accidental doorway into another level of this universe. The brain doesn't have the capacity to understand parts of this world it was not meant to walk in. Like a little quantum leap a little showing of a different quantum universe, or molecular world. Like a rock is not as solid as it seems.. atoms can pass in and out of it, but not in the middle world we live in, so we can't see it or do it, doesn't mean it doesn't happen.

makes sense to me, but sometimes am I just deluding myself, is my brain paling hanky on me, or am I just to stubborn to think it's just bipolar, just illness...disease.

No better today at all, well, I dont know. I am Bi###y, and I am never bi##y, I mean like never... No not really that even, I don't know what this feeling is

I just dont get upset all that easily, well no not over most stuff, I am pretty calm. I don't get irritated much ever, not even when in a mood, nope. Physically agitated I get in spades.

But when I went out this evening I just could not stand it, I didn't want to talk to my sister tho I love her and miss her, I just couldn't think of stuff to say, and I am always talking. Then she accidentally locked her keys in the car, which wasn't so bad, I am pretty handy at locks and stuff. Then everything just too much, too gross, too dirty, to peopley, I just wanted to run home. I just do not feel like me. I feel kinda volitile and it just isn't like me..... To much waste, to much product , too much stupid consumerism, too much lights, too ugly flooring, it's not even that stuff tho, I just dont feel like me, not even a little. Just feel like pulling my skin off.

.... Still I don't know, when I am at home I don't feel any better. I feel like i've been invaded by a gremlin.

Awwww, sweetie!
I'm so sorry you're feeling like that, it's very sucky! I can feel it right through your writing (don't worry, that's alright). That you took in stride the car key thing? You are seriously amazing. Volatile/overloaded/irritated is familiar turf to me, and well, let's just say it would've gone very differently had I been faced with the same situation(!) With all of everything else going on, be sure to give yourself big time credit for that, ok?
Are you at home or visiting? (Saying you missed your sister made me wonder if you were visiting her or she you.)

Thanks IZ, I am home, was just going with my sister to get a coffee and get some food for thanksgiving, we both live here, but haven't seen each other for like a week. I know, not long but me and her are tight, I miss her easily.

yeah, sorry you get this IZ, it's not fun at all.

Are you feeling a bit better since being back home now?

No, well I dunno

I like my floor, and my kids, my couch kinda sucks.. I feel the same, like I want to peel my skin off. Like it feels all crawling and creepy.

Omg my head is pounding sooo badly, and my skin feels like it's going to crawl away. Head is soo bad owwwwwwe.

Add no sleep, ****, ... Im gonna scratch all my skin offfffff

I hate being compromised

i'm just a creative buddy


I hate being compromised I hate it
i can't let it go.....

its not what I do....I told her I adored her and she is ****ing 14!!

"im never gonna recover from this.........!

if you don't get it you are useless

Useless... I am? I don't get it at all....not really

Ack! Awwww, Anika! How are you doing this morning?! I'm really concerned about you -- this sounds straight up awful! Anything physical going on do you think? Well, on the skin front anyway -- like allergic reaction? (I well know that it certainly doesn't take anything of that sort to feel that way -- just wanted to toss it out there in case it jogs your mind in some possibly useful way. It would be terrible timing on its part to happen with the other stuff though!)

(And so sorry to have disappeared last night -- went to brush my teeth and the computer shut down -- it's the old one and does that randomly. And to turn it back on, it just does it again, except right off the bat. Ugh! Cannot wait for that adapter of my "real" computer to arrive! Since it was almost 4:30 again, it seemed better to get to bed than to wage yet another fruitless battle with electronics.)

Oh no Anika, Im so sorry you are feeling this way. Lots of Hugs coming your way. I sure hope your feeling better now.

Did you eat something you're allergic to?

Maybe it's a side effect from taking medication. Taking medication can make an episodic problem a chronic one if there is prolonged psychiatric drug use. (Because psychiatric medications were never meant to be used in the long-term)

It is starting to sound like a relapse to me. I think the lack of sleep you've had in the past month is attributing to this weird mood state. I would record your sleep and mood state for the next few days. If you notice your sleep is continuing to reduce, then it probably means you should see a doctor. I am not saying that you should go back to psychiatric medications, but I am saying you need to get sleep. If it means taking a sleep medication for a week to reset your sleep, do it. You have been doing great, and been a huge inspiration to me! I want to see you succeed and sometimes it takes a little extra help to get there.

Hope you're feeling ok Anika. Sending good vibes to the North.

Dont really feel any different. Too much family around, so i pull it together with neat little strings and bows. Slept ok last night. I'll just take it in stride. Thanks guys... No no allergy attack, just trying not to focus on it .