I'm not depressed (or am I?)

Well having a rough go of it, Im trying to hang in there but thinking again about a solution, I just want to be good again, be happy again, not go from being overly happy to sad to apathy. Apathy is the worst. I am glad I dont know where my pills are however Ive been cutting all morning. I cant seem to shake this Im so inbetween its painful. I dont want to hurt anyone else, and I feel guilty about feeling this way. I dont really have anyone that would miss me other than my family and I know they would get over it soon. Idk this is all foolish talking. I thought everything was good last night I thought I was ok but its not. Nothing is ok. Im sorry im rambleing just need to get out of this. Thanks for asking I needed that.

Clint... please take care of yourself.

I don't know your mom and dad but as a mom I can say that having one of my boys be gone... I would not get over it soon at all. I don't think parents just forget their kids. Maybe they don't understand but that doesn't mean they don't love.

Please try to stop cutting today. Please. I SI too (hitting not cutting) so I know how hard it can be. But please try.

Your welcome. I really wish that you would go in patient somewhere and get this straightened out. More people care about you than you know. We would all miss you too.

Dude! The way your mom and Aunt was talking on Facebook last night, OMG! She sounds like she would NEVER get over losing you! I would miss you too, silly! Everyone here would.

Where's that contract?

I am going to hang out with family today and ill be ok I'm just losing the fight everyone. There is no win win here. It's like at some point you gotta cut your losses. I'm just all talk though so no worries

You're not losing the fight, Clint! You're just in a rough patch right now. There is a win win. The win win is you get through the rough patch and you'll get better. It is possible to do. Just don't listen to the lies the illness is telling you right now.

You can do it, Clint! It worth fighting.

You are worth it Clint! and yes, it will get better! It will! Just have to hold on till it is! these feelings that you feel, they are not you, they are the illness! Don't forget that ever. Sometimes you have to find that little pebble of perspective and hold onto it for dear life! You'll be past this, you will.

Thanks everyone. Ill get through it I'm just having some troubles today. Matchbox 20 put it well.
But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay a while and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me

That song is one of my favorit songs due to the truth it tells about me.

Yeah it like it was written from the point of view I mental illness

Well my doc called me today to see how I'm doing and the kicker is he said if we can't get this under control he would want me inpatient! I dot wanna do that but I may not have a choice in Florida they can baker act you and make you go which I'm sure he would. Ugh what to do I am feelin ok now but I've been up and down all day I can't seem to grab one or the other

just be honest with him/her! that's the most important thing

Well now I feel great wide awake feeling fantastic! But I have a hit its just gonna be another drop. But I can't be depressed I'm way to happy

It seems as though my family is plotting against me so I have to go to the hospital. I'm sure of it my dad keeps asking if I need to go I say no but I have a feeling they are gonna try and hit my with an involuntary hold. What Gould I do? I'm thinking I can't ride in the car with him or anything like that for fear they will go against my wishes. Any advice would be great.

Oh wow, this is hard. Are you still cutting, do they still have a reason to think you're in danger to yourself? If you're being safe, talk to them about it. They just care about you and want you to be OK. If the hospital ends up happening, keep open mind that it could really be helpful, and it probably would not be a long stay.

Yeah I'm still cutting and so try do have a reason what's what bothers me. It my own fault though ugh i knew I should have worn long sleeves. The thing is I was in the hospital about two months ago. Le sigh

I agree with Blue , Sit down and talk to them . Honestly no one LIKES to go inpatient myself included. But there are times when its a good thing.

As a fellow cutter I have gone inpatient due to it... It kept me safe and allowed for a faster than normal medication change. The longest I have ever been inpatient was 7 days by MY choice .. all the other times were only 3 days , because I went in voluntary admit.

I hope things improve for you and however this situation gets resolved the main thing is YOU STAYING SAFE

I don't like inpatient either. But sometimes it is a big help, when you need it. The medication thing and sleep is what the hospital helped me most with. I could not have made those med switches at home. And I was awake for about a week straight. I passed out at the hospital a few times, and glad that didn't happen at home with my kids.

They got me eating, sleep regulated and functioning. So although I didn't want to go, it did help in the end.