..had an odd moment today but the thing was?
there was really no way of avoiding it.

....so went to help this guy I know...move a table....no worries?
this thing was built by the freaking Egyptians...made of solid rock!...I think they call it concrete...a real backbreaker and just the two of us?...



not likely!

so anyways....after loading up some other stuff and pretty much I convinced him it needed 4 men to pick up the stupid thing I just left that suggestion with him to figure it out...after all, it's his monolithic high density piece of the Earths crust!

...then he says to me..."look all my mates are 200km away"...can we get a couple of yours?

...there was a pause...I scratched my neck...rubbed my eyebrow...squinted a bit...I said..."this might sound weird? but I aint' got any"

...and suddenly I think he felt uncomfortable..haha, just for asking!
but it's true...everyone I knew either died or isn't allowed in public, highly medicated or just vanished or are still too wasted to know even where they live?..and everyone I do know now are pretty much a million miles away
...oh...and I forgot to put...that I've got serious mental illness...oops!

damn the implications of that!...but it must be going on for ages now the no mates!
at least I was honest!

table is still there

[Debi54]

Glad to know that I am not the only one out there that has none. I have been where I live for 12 years now, and have made no friends. I am generally okay with just myself, but sometimes I do get a little lonely. Like you said, all the people I've made friends with are either in jail, crazy themselves (worse off than me), moved away, or done something to me where I don't like them anymore. So I spend most of my time alone or with my son. I don't know how healthy it is, but it's all I've got. I have one friend, that's been my real and true friend, for going on 30 years, but she lives back home and I live 500 miles away.
Thank you for making me feel not so weird and alone.

you are welcome Debi.....one thing I'm reliable with is helping others feel less weird ...or supremely weird and very ok about it!

and the suffering!...OMG

we all have a job to do...

Monkey...
I have a real short list too. I hear you
Time for a New Table

[twiddle]

I ain't got not mates either Monkeydude. My best friend ever, ever, ever died last December. She was my sistah. Broke my heart to lose her -felt bereft. Had a couple of women I thought were my friends but they weren't...just user/abusers.

I have never been able to have a woman for a friend except my sistah. Can't rely on them or trust them. Wonder what it is about women?

yeah get yaself' a freaking lap hey YYZ!

hehe

[bunnifoo]

You're not the only one. I find it very hard to make friends. And when I have in the past (before bipolar diagnosis) I would act really erratically and that would put them off. Or I would have a tendency to dump the people who were actually decent and spend time with the losers.

It was always very embarassing for me not to have friends. I moved a year and half ago and I have people I know casually, but no I do stuff with or could call to help move or anything.

Except my boyfriend. And he doesn't have a group of "real life" friends, he's got a small group of online friends he's been a part of for about 15 years.

He's okay with it just having me but I'd like to make a couple friends. I get so starved for interaction and conversation.

Originally Posted by twiddle

I ain't got not mates either Monkeydude. My best friend ever, ever, ever died last December. She was my sistah. Broke my heart to lose her -felt bereft. Had a couple of women I thought were my friends but they weren't...just user/abusers.

I have never been able to have a woman for a friend except my sistah. Can't rely on them or trust them. Wonder what it is about women?

guess there is a different experience twids...men and women put different pressures on ourselves!....

but it's usually the same thing..."like ...be the same as me and I will like you back"

...ya know?...I don't reckon I've ever done that said that acted that way...to anyone...thats why I'm alone....no pressure!...geez what a trade?...

Originally Posted by bunnifoo

He's okay with it just having me but I'd like to make a couple friends. I get so starved for interaction and conversation.

yeah it's weird that...sometimes my neighbour catches me off guard and I'm immediately thinkin'..."get me the fk outa here"...but soon I'm engaged and then it's him I bet thinkin...hehe...

"get me the fk away from this dude!"

weird that...

it's isolation strips us of social skills in days...like it's never happened before!....especially if you be paranoid as I am...takes minutes

[Anika.]

Ahh well count me in too, I am not sure what it is. I have lots and lots of accaintences. No friends.. I'm thinking it's ME... And I want friends. I just don't know how one goes about it. I have my friends here so it's possible. And that's all I know.

I have a feeling it's the get me the **** out of here and then their turn..like you said Jamez.

Haha the z on your name was typo, was gonna fix it but feeling kinds bad *** this morning!

you not slept Anika sweetheart?...
it's ok to make boo boo's



whats up ....?...tell if you like

[Anika.]

I slept for 3 hourz .. good to go'z. Thankz Jamez cuz I make dem boo boo'z a lot.

I am making possible friends at work, maybe I will try for the next level?? Friend zoned ?

Originally Posted by Anika.

I slept for 3 hourz .. good to go'z. Thankz Jamez cuz I make dem boo boo'z a lot.

I am making possible friends at work, maybe I will try for the next level?? Friend zoned ?

...I reckon let them come to you...be a mystery...

you are awesome all mysterious boo boo'z and all...

...and geez!...3 hours?......how can you sleep in like that?...

[Anika.]

I dunno, 3-4 hours seems about average for me. I just need little re-charges. Think I just have too much energy all the time.

Let them come to me... Hehe they never come!! I dunno, they come, they look, then run away! I am too nerdy.

who the hell are 'they' anyway?

I'm guessing I have never been referred to as a 'they'...but likely an IT ...or an other

now thats a revelation...and yet I'm always complaining about 'them'...how they see 'it'...

about 'this and that'...and the 'other'...and no-ones really right here...but I sure know "they" have been wrong all along....

..very cool...

[Dragonfly33]

My best friend hauled butt just after I was diagnosed. She's always had a very cookie cutter life and let's be honest, BP friends don't fit into her perfect little world do they?

I have two friends right now - one is amazing, selfless and supportive (I met her in May and I just told her a month ago I have BP) It took me 3 years to figure out the other one collects friends based on how they will serve her needs (doctors, jeweler, restaurant managers, etc.)

I pretty much stay away from everybody else or they don't stick around long.

Originally Posted by Dragonfly33

My best friend hauled butt just after I was diagnosed. She's always had a very cookie cutter life and let's be honest, BP friends don't fit into her perfect little world do they?

I have two friends right now - one is amazing, selfless and supportive (I met her in May and I just told her a month ago I have BP) It took me 3 years to figure out the other one collects friends based on how they will serve her needs (doctors, jeweler, restaurant managers, etc.)

I pretty much stay away from everybody else or they don't stick around long.

...

yep that makes unfortunate sense...

it's such an unreliable thing...I was programmed to break away...
superficial does not work with mental illness ...not at all..superficial intimacy whatever...endearment?....
...our priorities are different...

it just helps not to get attached ...but...sometimes this happens and the disillusionment is diabolical cos no-one can follow you ...everyone else doesn't have to move to even arrive at where they want to go...

we travel so far just to get away from what we already know...ouch!

[faerie_moon_x]

I don't have anyone to call on for help. I am friends with a girl at work, but "friends" as in, I am always suspicious of her and we don't do anything together outside of work. There are a few other aquaintances that have a similar standing. Family members, too. I have my husband and if he's not there, then I have no one. My dad, my mother-in-law, my aunts, cousins.... all of them I watch carefully because they all let me down.

I used to have a whole group of friends. I thought we'd be friends forever and they'd have my back. These were people who helped me move, people who I'd known since I was 15 years old, so there was history and all that. Well, haha, no i was just the running joke, I guess. Kept for entertainments purpose, and when that run out, then they were gone. Just how it turns out, I guess.

[gabmux]

after a bit of thought......perhaps I could scarcely find enough energy to make it through the day. Had nothing left to share with anyone else.

Originally Posted by dark_heart_x

I don't have anyone to call on for help. I am friends with a girl at work, but "friends" as in, I am always suspicious of her and we don't do anything together outside of work. There are a few other aquaintances that have a similar standing. Family members, too. I have my husband and if he's not there, then I have no one. My dad, my mother-in-law, my aunts, cousins.... all of them I watch carefully because they all let me down.

I used to have a whole group of friends. I thought we'd be friends forever and they'd have my back. These were people who helped me move, people who I'd known since I was 15 years old, so there was history and all that. Well, haha, no i was just the running joke, I guess. Kept for entertainments purpose, and when that run out, then they were gone. Just how it turns out, I guess.

yeah it's weird that dark...I was always a keeper...went out of my way to demonstrate the exact nature of "do anything"...but it might have been a bit much?...I don't know...?

I thought thats what it was all about ...but many they just went off and did their own thing....and quite well too...and now I look like the fool...for thinkin' there was more to it...

strange thing is?...I still think there is

Originally Posted by gabmux

after a bit of thought......perhaps I could scarcely find enough energy to make it through the day. Had nothing left to share with anyone else.

yeah...that makes a HEAP of sense too!!

[Dragonfly33]

Here's where I'm at with the superficial one (Thanks for the word DubbleMonkey, go Dopamax!) Every time I see her I want to smack her in the back of her stupid, lying head and scream in her face. Ugh!

I stay far away from my family too Dark Heart. It's unfortunate but I feel toxicity breeds toxicity and I'm trying to help myself. Pdoc has taught me not to put myself in situations that I can't get out of, so I'm learning to distance myself from negativity.

My family can deny, ignore, talk crap all they want. I'm just not going to listen to it

My husband has been a gift that I truly cherish. I'd be lost without him.

[Dragonfly33]

Originally Posted by gabmux

after a bit of thought......perhaps I could scarcely find enough energy to make it through the day. Had nothing left to share with anyone else.

I agree - some days I don't even have the energy to care for myself let alone another person...

[faerie_moon_x]

Yeah, I was always loyal and as good a friend I could be. Always try to be there and helpful. But I don't think that matters. People just have certain requirements for friendships and I didn't meet those requirements any more. I was just some crazy b*** who was easy to ditch.

The signs were there a long time, I was just to blind to see it. Example: one Saturday I was looking for all my friends, couldn't find them. Finally one of the moms told me they had all went camping. When they came back I asked why they didn't invite me and they just responded, "You wouldn't have had fun anyway," and then talked about how the camp was too close to the road and you could see a McDonald's sign, blah blah blah. But that really hurt me that they didn't even ask.... Later when I told my husband that story he just looked at me, stunned, and said, "Those people were never your friends." He's right.

ok time for a story...

my best buddy fine lad a good man heart of gold better shiny hardly old!

...probably were not so good for each other got ourselves into trouble likewise out of it...

never been punched so many times by anybody he was an angry guy....drank too much had a bad streak...all weekend and the most of the week!

my best mate...where is the line?....on caring on daring to care even that bit more?

I blew it!....thats how I feel...just out of jail he came to see me...I was done with the angry crap! after last time we nearly killed each other...2 bipolar men from the outside world?......turned him away and he died 2 days later...

overdose......and he was like my brother...but it was obvious one of us was gonna go...I always expected it to be me...I wonder he tried harder to fk up cos he was 7 years younger than me I don't know?...but?

...if I just let him beat all that jailhouse crap out of me that night?...

and yet we were like brothers...and I was not allowed at his funeral cos I was pissed for 2 months...

that was 3 years ago...until todays little adventure...I forgot just how alone I am

...but it's ok