Will he ever understand?

I'm starting to think my husband will never understand my moods. Tonight I heard "you are being silly" "why do you always do this?" and "why are you crying?"

We were only together 9 months when I got pregnant, but I knew him for 8 years before. He knew all about my dx and things I have done. We have been married 2 years. It has been stressful but I know we love each other. I just want him to understand me and to take care of me. I probably sound selfish but I am not doing well. How can he not see it. I have been crying for help. I am a wreck.

I need him to understand.

No, he'll never understand, so quit expecting him to.

People who aren't bipolar simply can't understand it, though shrinks usually pretend to.

Speaking of which, are you seeing a shrink now? Why did you quit your meds? I think they have some new, and maybe better ones (for you) since '06.

That's a difficult situation and there is no easy answer. My wife didn't understand my ADHD when we first got together and my funny spontaneity soon turned into a constant source of annoyance and frustration for her. To help her understand, I stuck an audio book on her iPod about adults with ADHD and she thought the book was written just to describe me! Her better understanding my disorder doesn't make me less annoying, but it does give us a common ground to address my behaviors without feeling as if I'm being attacked.

I understand the bipolar is far more complex of a disorder than my ADHD and my heart truly goes out to you and your struggles. I still think that educating your husband of the disorder is the first step, be it come from a book, a close friend, or even a mental health professional. My personal experience has shown me that this education needs to come from someone or something other than yourself because the person may think you are just dishing out excuses. Also family therapy would be a good option if your children are old enough to be affected by this misunderstanding.

OK, I wrote too long! Overall, no matter how painful and difficult this is, please remember that there always are solutions and there is no easy street to change. I wish you the best!

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I think that your husband CAN understand to a degree. For instance ... My husband doesn't always "get me" and doesn't understand how my mood can flip on a dime.

What him and I have sat down and discussed and agreed to that if I really am feeling a mess all I need to do is tell him point blank " I am feeling ______" and I need you to help reassure me that whatever is going on I will have support.

people can never understand fully.

they can try, but they can never get everything

I've been going through the same thing with my significant other for going on 12 years now. He understands me more now than he used to, having never dealt with anyone that was bipolar (?) before, and it made him paranoid at first, my mood swings. When I got depressed and would cry for no reason, he thought it meant I was cheating and was feeling guilty. If I got mad, it started a fight. Now, he has mellowed with age and experience in dealing with me, so if I get angry and want to fight, he walks away. If I get depressed, he tries to cheer me up. If it doesn't work, he doesn't take it personally. He still has a ways to go, but it's much better than it was. No more "snap out of it."

I suggest being satisfied with acceptance. Accepting you is a beautiful thing, why complicate things by throwing'understanding' in the equation? Like the other members have stated, they can try and try, why make yourself miserable with your unfair expectations?Do you expect an astrologer to understand biochemistry,gp to understand architecture,would you 'understand' if he had cancer? Some things are just out of the scope of understanding.Not being mean,but honestly,if I had acceptance, it would be enough...

Meh, men are sometimes... not really emphatetic huggy creatures. They are usually the "problem? want a solution? fine! Want just to whine? go talk to your female friend". (been on both sides of fence. I sometimes need just to whine and I hate when people give me retarded advice. No, I don't wanna call my pdoc for xanax just because I whine about my academic paper. I don't wanna to go to Vienna or dye my hair, I just wanna WHINE for five minutes

then again, I sometimes tend to give people advice when all they need is to rant...).

This is a good idea, though I need to be able to comfortably say "I am feeling depressed, or hypomanic, or mixed". Instead I just say "I don't know!" And bury my face into a pillow.


Thank you so much, I agree instead of expecting him to understand I should try to educate him, I can't just hope he will get it one day. I am going to see if I can find a book for him to read and I also will work on my communication with him.

I think since he's been trying to be supportive over the years, there is strong chance he can learn to understand. Exactly what Christina's said to her husband, "I'm feeling _____, I need you to ______". I think a lot of men do want to just fix a situation, and would appreciate the guidance around dealing with our bp and female emotions. So maybe you just need him to listen, or you need a hug, or you need him to wrap you in blankets and bring you some tea. Try letting him know and see how it goes.

I think sometimes we expect too much. Our spouses/significant others etc. do not live in our heads. They can NEVER understand totally what we go through......but then, they couldn't anyway, even if we didn't have this confounding disorder. Who can slip inside another's mind and find out what that person is thinking? One can make an intelligent guess if you know your loved one well, but no one can ever know all of what someone else is thinking.

I get impatient with my husband once in awhile because he really does NOT get it. He can't read well, so it doesn't do any good to give him reading material about bipolar, and he simply doesn't have much curiosity about anything that's not easy to understand. In a way, I don't blame him---if I don't understand it, he's not going to understand it. But he's good to me, and he pays attention to my moods so he knows when I'm not doing well. He's also a pair of loving arms that hold me tight when I need it, and a protector when the world threatens to overwhelm me. I don't need him to be my psychiatrist---I've got one of those---but I do need him to be my friend and partner. So I can forgive him for being a little dense sometimes.