[gary290]

Good morning bipolar thread buddies:

Just stating the obvious to me: meds really aren't working so well. Thoughts and feeling about anxiety have been causing problems for me (especially at work). I'm not on any anxiety medication, but I do take an occasional benedryl to make me a little tired.

I have been using both REBT/CBT and ACT but nothing seems to be working. ACT teaches about observing the anxiety and making room for it - not disputing or challenging it. It's there but I can function with it. But I hate feeling so unsettled and insecure. I feel very unsafe.

I want a drink, but as a recovering alcoholic I choose that not to be an option. That's also why I don't use benzos for the anxiety.

I thought writing about it here might help. I miss the old days of Lithium and Neurontin.

Gary290

[bluewave7]

I have a lot of energy in the mornings so I packed up a load from the apt in the pickup and took it to storage. We are moving across the country in two weeks and I am overwhelmed. So I am trying to do a little bit each day instead of waiting it down. This relieves my anxiety. And hubby is helping too.

(Was last check in really 5 days ago?!)

Doing a bit better. But... haven't had to deal with the worst part of the day --getting up for work -- for 3 days now... so, we'll see how that statement holds up come tomorrow morning(!)

Still having a rough time with a trigger of something that really didn't used to bother me. Now? A constant presence. Feeds mightily into feeling insufficient. I can intellectually understand why it's likely hitting hard now and how stupid it is, but that doesn't keep it from sending me right fast down the elevator shaft.

I don't "count" that kind of thing in determining mood. Except maybe in that its running amok might be an indication that all is not well. Downed defenses and all. Feeling overwhelmed at the smallest things and baseline resignation and hopelessness? Yeah. Still, there's some improvement.

[Victoria'smom]

still hating life.

[Confusedinomicon]

The boss that deals with schedule keeps scheduling me for times I can't work.

Boyfriend said I was drunk and I basically told him to f off. He went to sleep mad and I'm mad that he would think that I would drink on a work night.

fml

[Danar2amir]

let us know how you're doing and stuff....

currently wondering- what's the point.

wishes everything was over

[BPDBIPOLARME]

Having a lot of weird dreams, think its because of meds. However. I have been learning when to take my Geodon and when NOT to. I missed one dose and I DEFINITLEY felt like I was going crazy (anxious, racing thoughts, delusions, insomnia). So now I take it at 5pm which konks me out at 10 and then im up at 5am so that I can get ready and be at work by 9. So much better! i also feel more friendly towards my cat children and dont put them in other rooms so much or yell.

[TippPatt]

Originally Posted by shattered sanity

currently wondering- what's the point.

wishes everything was over

I've had those moments too. Don't give up - keep reading and wondering why.

Me, this morning isn't so bad. I, again, am starting slowly, which for me works.

All I can do is hope the day is one without upset.

[gary290]

Originally Posted by shattered sanity

currently wondering- what's the point.

wishes everything was over

Hello Shattered Sanity:

I saw your post and wanted to offer a kind word. I'm sorry things look bad right now. Things tend to get better. Ups and downs. I'm glad you posted about your feelings. I think it helps. I'll keep you in my thoughts today.

Gary290

[Moreta]

Today was ok, didn't want to be at work, but isn't that everyday? I saw my pdoc today and he said my memory loss and problems finding words is from tegretol. I hope it doesn't stay this bad for long. I'm slurring my words, and it's pretty horrible. Oh well.

Monday is my last day of IOP. I kinda wish I could stay longer, but that's when insurance is kicking me out. They're going to help me find a t, cause I haven't been having the best time doing it myself. I'm just trying to find a DBT t, that's not all into spirituality. I know, it's a lot to ask for in the south.

We went over a Distress Tolerance module today at IOP and one of the things to do was prayer. I asked what if you don't believe in a superior being, and they told me to pray to nature or the universe after thinking about it for a minute. I'm pretty sure they weren't ready for that question...LOL. It made me laugh. Everyone was staring at me too. I'm not going to apologize for being an atheist.

So that was my day.

[herhusband]

Ok today. FOund out the company I work for will be sending me back to work on land. Last land job well went weird.

[TippPatt]

I'm starting my day once again wishing I was motivated to DO SOMETHING. Anything, literally, I want to accomplish anything. But what? I can't seem to either figure out what to do or what actually needs to be done. I guess it comes down to focus - which I have zip for at this time.

The days just seem to go by, on and on and on with no goals. I don't know if goals are something I avoid or just really don't have. Like my mood says -- I'm stuck.

[gary290]

Originally Posted by TippPatt

I'm starting my day once again wishing I was motivated to DO SOMETHING. Anything, literally, I want to accomplish anything. But what? I can't seem to either figure out what to do or what actually needs to be done. I guess it comes down to focus - which I have zip for at this time.

The days just seem to go by, on and on and on with no goals. I don't know if goals are something I avoid or just really don't have. Like my mood says -- I'm stuck.

Hi TippPatt, sorry about the motivation problem. I get like that myself sometimes. I just did a values exercise last week and it really helped to identify areas that I want to work on. Of course the problem is that now I don't have the motivation to do the steps to reach my goals (like exercising).

For myself, I've been dealing with depression and anxiety again. Especially at work. I found some handouts on rational self talk this morning. I plan to read those throughout the day.

[TippPatt]

Thanks Gary. I'm sure you know it's absolutely wonderful to know you're not alone.

I'm over here hoping to get a manic phase - now really, how crazy is that? LOL

I keep remembering that line in a movie that Keano Reeves (sp?) was in. He was blown away at the ability for those kids to just show up every day. That might just be the ticket for you. For me too, but I'm not quite there yet. Being on this site daily is my current 'show up'. And, it's helping by meeting people like you.

Cheers.

every morning I start to feel unstable before I take my meds. the one med that works instantly and stabilizes me.... Lamictal. the kind that dissolves on the tongue.

I take it in the mornings and again at 6 pm.

out of the abilify, the Zoloft, the supplements, and the diet.... the lamictal seems to do the most in the shortest amount of time.

[gary290]

Now. . .in the now: I kind of have an emotional hangover from fighting with my daughter last night. I hate when we fight. On one hand she has a delicate self esteem and on the other hand she is willful and manipulative. I guess I need to apologize to her. Still kind of mad so I don't really want to. But it would be the mature and rational thing to do.

Anxiety and depression are there and have been for a couple of weeks. One minute I'm anxious and the next I'm tearful and depressed. Makes for a challenging day at work. Well, at least today is Friday and I have 2 days off. I say off, but we'll be cleaning the entire house from top to bottom for dd's graduation party on Tues. I am thinking that I need a vacation.

I WAS doing ok..just fine...had been dealing with the usual swings pretty well then all of a sudden "bam" the ex turns on me and best word I can find is reeling....I was super sad and down, SO down I fell asleep in the middle of a post, lost track of time, worried for our daughter who is with her, and still genuinely comcerned for my ex. We had been getting along so well...I am very confused and hurt (I know my ex is hurt) and totally reeling from how things are now.
I am SO

[bluewave7]

I don't feel good. My Mom sent me a crappy e- mail. I was hoping we could at least have an e-mail relationship as seeing each other or talking on the phone is too much a trigger for me. I went to the library and got 8 books. 5 were on king Arthur and too hard to read. The other three ate just Nora Roberts fantasy fiction and I can read them. I feel like I'm a bad person and I'm starting to dread moving.

After all the stress of yesterday I am surprised how level I feel. Maybe I am still too numb to know how I really feel.

[wing]

New to here but had to vent:

My daughter got married last weekend and it sent me totally manic. I made a fool of myself at the reception. Then have been crashed all week recovering from all the plans and the event itself, plus the usual manic remorse. Constant friction and interference from his mother. Making sure the photographer and DJ listened to what I said (she told them otherwise all night). I'm so glad I don't have to deal with her anymore!!!!

Then my SOB brother in law took a picture of me exagerrating my wide, fat *** and posted it on FB.

Called my widowed mother and all she did was find fault everywhere. Had nothing good to say, not even how nice her granddaughter looked. I am so pissed. I'm not calling her. It was such a letdown...let her call me. It's sad when a healthy person spends their entire life finding fault instead of being grateful for good health, worse when it's family and you can't dump them.

Thanks for the forum.

[gary290]

So cleaning the house wasn't that big of a deal as I thought it would be.

I apologized to my daughter for our argument.

Feeling relaxed on a hot afternoon. Waiting for the 4 pm Bipolar peer support group to start.

[Susie182]

Today is a good day. Yesterday was really challenging but I kept telling myself I had a 50/50 chance of waking up OK this morning. My daughter (who has been away for a week) thought I was "off". I laughed and inform ed her that this was what normal looked like for me.

I like this check in.

[wing]

OK, I'm back, sorry for the rant...I'm over it all..let it go. still feel a bit down but am fighting it. Got myself out of the house today and yesterday.

[Moreta]

I really need to work on my anger issues. I'm working on entering checks for work this weekend, and when I came out of the shower my husband had just thrown them on my side of the couch. I got so mad. I started screaming at him and ended up throwing the checks all over the place. It really didn't need to escalate that much. So he went in the bed room and I slammed the door after him. I was so angry. So I went and had a smoke and calmed down. I came back in and went in the bedroom to say I was sorry, and that he could come back out in the living room, but he said it still wasn't safe, and that he's getting tired of my rage fits, cause I take everything out on him. I hope I can work on this with my new t, cause it's got to stop. It's always over stupid stuff, so I really shouldn't get angry at all.