Grief is swallowing me whole how to I get to Thurs

(((Speed)))

Not sick of hearing it at all. You know... you are amazing. I am also a mother, and I cannot understand what it must be like. I think the most painful thing ever possible times 1 million.. maybe. I don't know how you are pulling through this or finding the strength.. but you are.

I am so sorry you have to do all this, I really am. Just take it one second at a time. That's all there is in our lives, this second.. just right now. Remember that your son loved you and would want you to carry on, to smile again, to feel warmth. It will happen again, and for him.

You are amazingly strong, a loving devoted mother and a beautiful human. No matter how surreal this all must feel, those are truths.

Just try to stay with each moment. Try not to think about the days to come. We will be here no matter what.. keep talking all you need or want to

Anika,
Thank you! Your words bring me strength.

About 30 minutes ago I was in the kitchen cleaning up and found the set of measuring cups I had just got Jason. He loved to cook. When he was making Christmas cookies he complained that a lot of our measuring cups were missing.
The day before he died my husband and I stopped in the thrift shop at the hospital where he works. I found a beautiful set of measuring cups, I almost did not get them because they are sterling silver. I thought they might not be practical. When I got home I could not wait to give them to him. I teased him that only sterling silver was good enough. He gave me a big smile. (My sweet boy)

Well he never got to use them. This morning when I saw them I noticed the handles are angels with hearts. They will go in his casket along with his beloved dogs collar and his favorite pool stick. His father will put around his neck a Celtic cross, that matches the ones we will wear.

There will be a bagpiper at his funeral. Legend has it that the bagpipe can be heard in Heaven.

There are no words Jason to say how much your dad and I love you
MY BEAUTIFUL ANGEL

I'm not sick of hearing from you at all either, quite the opposite. I'm relieved to see you posting, I'm proud of you making it through each moment. I'm glad you post that you considered it, and that you didn't do it. You have to talk about that stuff so that you don't act on it, I think. We're here listening, just keep talking, ok? There are also so many more reading who may not know what to say, but are listening and caring and praying. So just keep checking in, ok? I want to hear anything you say.

The bagpiper sounds very special. I'm of Scottish descent, bagpipes remind me of my dad who is passed and I miss dearly. He once gave me a little book with inspirational quotes and pics of Scotland, called My Heart is in the Highlands, I still have it.

You're an extremely strong woman, Speed 3. I admire your courage and steadfastness now and please know that you can only grow stronger as the weeks and months go by.

We are listening and saying prayers; this was the second most difficult day for you, I imagine, and you have come thruogh it very admirably.

Prayer will go up now for your rest tonight and calmness tomorrow and the peace
that passes understanding.

I wish I could click Hug a million times for you...

I lost a family member some years back. I was not in the same state where the tragedy occurred but it was sudden, unexpected, drug-related... many events from that time are still vivid in my mind.

I found that the recovery paths of each "survivor" were not in sync.
...One night a couple of days after it happened, some close friends came over for supper. Everyone else seemed ready to have a few smiles and laughs, while I was NOT ready... at ALL... and I felt bitter that others were. (To this day I associate the specific meal we ate that night with those bad feelings.)
...A few weeks later, I was feeling somewhat chipper, but another family member probably wasn't, and he mistook something I said as gold digging and gave me a big lecture that was totally undeserved and I was a little angry about that.

It's OK not to know yet what you should do, what your mission should be.

It's OK to take care of yourself. It will be day by day, sometimes hour by hour or minute by minute. But you will make it through. It's hard, I know. Call upon us here whenever you need to. We will be here for you.

HUGS * 1 million

I made it though the viewing last night. The actual viewing was easier than I thought. There was a big turn out. Jason had many people that loved him. I think his inability to really feel that contributed to his death.

They did a great job. My Jason looked great and so peaceful. He was so handsome and I never new how long his eyelashes were. We all have a new, kind, compassionate and beautiful angel looking over us.

Today is the funeral. It is because of your support and the support of family and friends that I am going to make it through.

Thank you all for your support from the bottom of my heart.

I'll be saying many prayers for you today, Speed3.

Bluemountains