[purpledaisy]

Today is a fresh start. Make the most of it.

Life is a precious gift. Jump out of bed each morning full of possibilities.

If it's to be, it's up to me.

I woke up with such gratitude in my heart. It's going to be a great day.

I'm thankful I have been given the chance to wake up and make a difference for one more day.

Other people are making their dreams come true. So can you.

You can work hard or you can work smart. If you want to be rich, it's a matter of working smart.

Do you ever see this kind of stuff and think the exact opposite?

I was taught to think this way. After growing up depressed (didn't know about bipolar at the time) in a negative household, I was introduced to these positive thoughts a few years ago.

I started studying the whole positive-thinking and gratitude thing.

I've flown to seminars focusing on positive-thinking and various aspects of it, like how to build a business and they focus on how important it is to believe in yourself and know that you can have, do, or be anything you want.

Yet I wake up in the morning and think, "Sh**. Again? I have to try to make it through another day?"

[Anika.]

Some people say that positive thinking is bad or harmful somehow, or leads to dissapointment. But I don't see that in my life. Having gratitude is like having a gift, and it gives back, it gives to others. I think it's pretty important.

I was not taught to be positive at all either. Much the opposite. What I have noticed is that what I feel, think, speak, and act on is also what comes back into my life , mind, body, soul. It's not easy but being negative has never really made me feel good either. Doesn't seem to be of any benefit to me or others around me.

For me it's something I have to be and remain aware of. Not hyper viligent or anything but aware. So I can remain being the director of my thoughts not the other way around. Of course sometimes are easier than others.

I don't do affirmations tho, unless I really believe them. But just pay attention to what my mind is up to.

It's hard PD if you were raised in negativity, it's a huge learning curve. But I think it's worth it. The tricky part i think is not just thinking it but believing it. I think that seems to be what makes positive thinking powerful. Like we do with negative thinking.

[gary290]

I think it's important to be positive or at least attempt to be positive. It can be a real challenge for me to positive. It takes work, but I think it's worth it. I'm glad you posted here.

Gary

[Anika.]

Or another thing I noticed about it PD, not just in bipolar but a lot of humans is that we need lots and lots of proof to believe positive things. But negative things we believe without much if any proof at all.

Even celebrity media, if we hear something bad about someone we seem more apt to belive it. If it is something really positive we want evidence, spreads sheets, pie charts and survelience almost.

If it is about our own selves we seem to need even more proof if it's positive and even less proof to belive the negative. It doesn't seem very balanced so it's much easier for the negative to win.

[purpledaisy]

Thanks for the responses.

When I'm hypomanic, I have no problem being positive. After all, I can conquer the world, I'm days away from being rich and thin, people will know who I am, and everything is great.

But I haven't had that little spark of hypomania for so long. It's probably been gone since last June or July -- when I started seeing therapist and psychiatrist again after being out of treatment for many years.

I'm just really BLAH lately.

It's difficult to get out of bed, yet if I give in and stay in bed all day I end up mad at myself for wasting the day and I reach that point where I'm kind of stiff and sore from being in bed too much.

Then I checked Facebook (as I do first thing in the morning), and many of my entrepreneurial friends are posting about how it's a wonderful day, they're so thankful to be alive, they've got things to accomplish, etc.

All I can think of is, "What the he** am I going to do with another damn day of life?"

This is terrible of me. I know life is a gift. I know people can make whatever they want out of life. I had big dreams. But now I am so far out of that mindset that it scares me.

[purpledaisy]

I just popped over to Facebook and found brand new posts by different friends. These are real-life friends who are also entrepreneurs and have attended many of the same events that I have attended (about business and mindset).

"Your success and happiness lies in you. Resolve to keep happy, and your joy and you shall form an invincible host against difficulties."
- Helen Keller

"Happiness will never come to those who fail to appreciate what they already have."

"You are the artist of your life."

"Today began with feelings of gratitude in my heart. I have such blessings in my lfie. Magic will unfold today."

Geez. What's wrong with me? When I read these, I just want to make rude comments. But I stop myself.

Even Helen Keller was positive, and she had so much against her.

Please don't tell me to stop going to Facebook. I stayed away for a week recently and it made me even more depressed. I felt out of touch with people. I'm already a hermit, and when Facebook came along I started having a social life for the first time in more than a decade because little clusters of people that I knew started getting together in real life pretty often and staying in touch between visits via Facebook.

If I didn't have Facebook, I would be TOTALLY cut off from society. Seriously. I would sit here in this messy, empty house. My phone never rings unless it's my mother but she's off with her man doing stuff. I rarely go out with people. I don't have a best friend. I don't have anyone to call at a moment's notice to go have coffee, dinner, see a movie, or just hang out.

Sorry. I'm just feeling sorry for myself today.

[usbusi]

Well the ones making the most money out of the positive thinking industry are the ones doing the seminars, books, and tapes.

But yes it is understandable that if you are depressed, it would be hard to think positive and be full of energy.

And then hypomanic could be the other way around, yes. The NY Times has an article about ideal entrepreneurs being "just manic enough." Which makes me jealous of anyone with a BP that is always just manic enough. The article unfortunately refers to the rest of us as "lunatics." Stigma is all over the place. But that article both de-stigmatizes and stigmatizes at least.

[Anika.]

Hmm. I *think* the positivity we feel when manic or hypo is not quite based in reality, I don't know how to say it. More like magical thinking than intentional thinking.

When that is happening we are still not the ones directing the thoughts rather the thoughts still directing us. Does that make sense?

What if you change your routine a bit and not check FB for a while hard as that might be. Sounds like it is creating a compare and contrast thing that doesn't seem to be helping.

I'm not sure if you use mindfulness Purple, but that has really helped me when I am stuck on my perception, and working with depression, stress, anxiety. Jon Kabot Zinn has some really good videos on youtube. When I feel myself slipping I will watch one or a few to help get myself sorted and back on track. Maybe that might help you too?

Edit: sorry I disn't see the please dont tell you to not visit FB. I must have been typing when you replied.

[Anika.]

Originally Posted by usbusi

Well the ones making the most money out of the positive thinking industry are the ones doing the seminars, books, and tapes.

But yes it is understandable that if you are depressed, it would be hard to think positive and be full of energy.

And then hypomanic could be the other way around, yes. The NY Times has an article about ideal entrepreneurs being "just manic enough." Which makes me jealous of anyone with a BP that is always just manic enough. The article unfortunately refers to the rest of us as "lunatics." Stigma is all over the place. But that article both de-stigmatizes and stigmatizes at least.

I have seen many articles like that. But they only seem to take the manic persons work into account and try to make it sound like all is well. What about these peoples personal lives, what about their internal well being? Lots of people show up for work and are successful at work, but the rest of their life doesn't always reflect that same image.

The last thing I can think of PD is that you seem to place a very high importance on your work, which is fine. We can feel a lot of purpose from that. But maybe if it defines your self worth too much, or defines you too much you might be getting blindsided a bit.

I don't know if that is true for you at all. Just an idea. I really hope something changes for you.

[purpledaisy]

I really miss the hypomania.

I want just a touch of it back.

When I was feeling it, I was so much more creative (which is kind of important if you're in my line of work -- writer and entrepreneur).

How about this one?

I know a family--not kidding, now--who are openly positive about everything; but the attempt to hide the negative has led to alcoholism in the "Big Daddy" and at least one son. One daughter has married an alcoholic, and I don't know how the others are faring. I can say, though, that to show the pleasant face to the world and hide what's negative won't work, not in the long run.

We have to get the negative out one way or the other--by meds, by
exercise, by talking to ourselves and REALLY listening to ourselves (which
is the best way, in my view), and working steadily to do things that are
meant to be good and helpful to others.

The spiritual exercises of Ignatious Loyola have been extraordinarily helpful to me in working on that. I keep going back to them from time to time to refresh myself on what he has to say about the thoughts that arise in us. Another thing I've done that has been helpful is that I refuse to look at certain images on T.V. They stick in my mind like glue, almost, and I spend time getting them out of my system. (Excerpts from his exercises--they are mental, not physical-- are
available on the net. ) I think, in a way, his exercises resemble the discussions
we sometimes have in a psychiatrist's or therapist's office. Its worthwhile reading them.

(The eye is the window of the soul; so we need, I guess, to keep a watch on what we look at.)

It has to be genuine from within to work well, IMHO. Bipolars have
an opportunity to see this even more clearly than many others because we
have such sensitive minds, again IMHO.

Man, I dislike the negative like you wouldn't believe because negativity is a
loading for depression; I dislike depression almost as much.

[Anika.]

Maybe keep in mind too that what people post on facebook might be a mere reflection of something they are also working on or struggeling with too. A lot of people don' share the less then postive experiences on facebook, like Genetic is talking about with the outwardly appearance. They are posting it and ro me that says they are trying to work on it probably, not they "arrived" and it's perfect. It's hars because we don't get to see the whole deal, just a small glimpse.

If you look at people signitures here PD you see lots of positive messeges, however the person is still struggeling. Maybe it is a reminder for themselves, I have often done that.

Genetic, not sure who that is but I feel inspired to go do a search now. thanks!

[thickntired]

I tried positive affirmations and they were so-so. I do freaking love demotivational quotes however . . .

[BlueInanna]

Purple I think there's a purpose to depression. Of course we have bp and take it to extreme and get sick. But realistically looking at world and personal problems can logically be sad sometimes. We'd be really crazy to not feel sad about it. But also logically bp'ers have high IQ's, creativity, and fast firing neurons when we are not depressed imho. So of course you want some hypo back. And it's overdue for you, you've been depressed a long time now. I think I'd like to reassure you that another hypo will come. That's part of the cycle right? I'm gratefully having what might be some hypo right now and hot damn I sure like it. Finally on my game feels so good. Have you ever looked at the demotivater website, it's so cynically hilarious I think you'd like it. Ya know.. You could try to keep yourself up all night to trick your body into cycling. My pdoc told me that was an old time thing they used to do in hospitals to treat bp depression. She wasn't recommending it or not, just sharing what she said.

My favorite "demotivater quote" is:
The sole purpose of your life may be to only serve as a warning to others.

Hah. I love that. I should post it on FB.

[purpledaisy]

BlueInna, you're right. I need that bit of hypomania to get back into the creative groove.

I've been on Wellbutrin for several months now. Will that prevent me from going into hypo again?

[BlueInanna]

It shouldn't prevent it, actually known for causing bp hypo/mania. I liked that drug. Maybe you could try a higher dose? I was on 300mg, lost weight, helped add symptoms.