[purpledaisy]

There is a thread about promiscuity and when I saw it, it was one of the few times that it hits me -- I haven't had sex since 1997. I haven't been kissed, held, or touched since 1997. I haven't been on a date, flirted with, had someone show even the smallest bit of interest in me, or had any type of relationship since 1997.

Usually I go through life without thinking about it at all.

When my son was very small, I used to think I would find "Mr. Right," get married again, have another kid or two, and have this great, strong little family and one day I would have a 25th wedding anniversary and other big milestone anniversaries, then have grandchildren and still be with the same man.

I kept thinking it would happen "someday," even though I didn't make any efforts to get out there and meet people.

Now that my son is grown and pretty much ignores me, the loneliness has hit me. I realized the other day, "Oh, crap. I was supposed to have found someone by now so I wouldn't be alone for the rest of my life."

For those of you who aren't in a relationship or married, do you think about it at all? Do you wake up every day thinking there is a huge void in your life? Or does it bother you that you're totally on your own?

[BlueInanna]

Yea I want to find the great match and have all those things too. But didn't work out like that. So now u somehow accept that things are how they are, and where to go from here. You could start dating and meet people, it's never too late for that. There are so many online dating sites to help people. I really believe it's possible. When you break through this depression I think you'll have new ideas of how to make your life more the way you'd like it.

[manicminer]

Originally Posted by purpledaisy

There is a thread about promiscuity and when I saw it, it was one of the few times that it hits me -- I haven't had sex since 1997. I haven't been kissed, held, or touched since 1997. I haven't been on a date, flirted with, had someone show even the smallest bit of interest in me, or had any type of relationship since 1997.

Usually I go through life without thinking about it at all.

When my son was very small, I used to think I would find "Mr. Right," get married again, have another kid or two, and have this great, strong little family and one day I would have a 25th wedding anniversary and other big milestone anniversaries, then have grandchildren and still be with the same man.

I kept thinking it would happen "someday," even though I didn't make any efforts to get out there and meet people.

Now that my son is grown and pretty much ignores me, the loneliness has hit me. I realized the other day, "Oh, crap. I was supposed to have found someone by now so I wouldn't be alone for the rest of my life."

For those of you who aren't in a relationship or married, do you think about it at all? Do you wake up every day thinking there is a huge void in your life? Or does it bother you that you're totally on your own?

Just like the rest of the issues in my life, I'm always double sided on the realtionship deal (guess that's why they call it bipolar. hehe)

One side of me remembers how bad I've gotten screwed over throughout the years and says forget women, forget getting married, forget kids (why would I want another little bipolar me running around?). I'll just be a bachelor for the rest of my life. What does it matter?; I'm not gonna live past 35 anyway.

The other side has a constant need for affection, companionship, attention, and especially touch. I want nothing more than to be in a committed relationship, settle down, move in together, get married, have children, and be sittin out on the front porch in rocking chairs holding hands and watching the sunset when we're both gray and old.

Quite a conflict of interest, but what I deal with constantly in almost every aspect of my life.

I am sorry to hear you've been so void of human affection. I would never be able to stand that. I cant go 3 months without nearly losing my mind. Skin starts crawling, I feel itchy, and start getting impulses to engage in risky
sexual behavior.

[hamster-bamster]

I agree with BlueInanna regarding dating online. You can write a profile that showcases you as a business owner, a creative person, and a writer. Do not mention being unemployed. They do not need to know. There would be people drawn to an indepent, self taught, articulate, and creative woman. If you can compose engrossing posts and satisfy your clients with your written work, surely you can write an attractive profile. And that would be half of the deal. The other half is a professional headshot. If you already have it for the business, reuse it. If not, that would be a one-time investment as you would need to pay the photographer, hairdresser, and, in my case, a make-up artist. You can probably do your own make-up if you have a clue about how to do it for the camera as it differs from everyday make-up a lot. The make-up artist cost me forty dollars but this one is an expensive area. And do not limit yourself to romantic r/s when you fill out your profile, but mention being interested in friends and activity partners. I think you need that, too - you crave not just human touch, but RL human conversation.

[usbusi]

You could start a meetup group for a bipolar support group and probably meet someone that way, or a singles group. There is a singles meetup group that I might go to a first time event today, which has about 90 people going. For over 40 singles. I'm 50.

But I have been separated 3 years, going through the divorce process now, I miss my kids more than my wife, so I guess it's a good thing. She wasn't too happy about us foreclosing our house. So much for "for better or for worse". Also "in sickness and in health" as she decided when I was hospitalized to call it quits. She didn't come to pick me up from the hospital, how cold is that?

Anyhow, I think being alone is fine as long as you can have enough friends to talk to and do things with if you are in the mood to do them with someone. I have a hiking / professional friend who will do a hike with me once in a while. I have a long time friend from 3rd grade but he is an hour and a half away so I don't do stuff with him. He's a biker and I'm not, also.

Part of me wants to, after my kids are grown and I no longer have to provide support money to my ex, become a Buddhist monk. I don't know if I could do that or not but it sure sounds good and peaceful. So I guess I'm not that interested, now that I am 50 anyways, in another relationship. I don't feel I have much to offer either, financially or time wise, right now. But if I met someone I hit it off with I suppose I'd want to hitch up.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by usbusi

But I have been separated 3 years, going through the divorce process now, I miss my kids more than my wife, so I guess it's a good thing. She wasn't too happy about us foreclosing our house. So much for "for better or for worse". Also "in sickness and in health" as she decided when I was hospitalized to call it quits. She didn't come to pick me up from the hospital, how cold is that?

Not to highjack Purpledaisy's thread, but it happened to me as well. He not only did not pick me up but refused to accept me hope, and I went to a residential treatment facility, then to hospital again, and eventually we separated. All the while he was living on private disability insurance income from my job.

Back to the thread: I like the idea of being with someone permanently when I am old, but right now, just dating is fine by me. I like sleeping alone with the cats by my side. That will probably change someday, but right now it is what it is.

Well, the (healthy)monks, nuns, and priests have something going for them that is missing in everyday life for people placing no religious emphasis in their lives.

I was married--happpily--; my husband died; have no desire to marry again, am content--big difference between happiness and contentment--and enjoy my grandchildren and their beauty.

It's all different and can change overnight for anyone. Enjoy it while we
can, please.

Lol. Your thread title is so funny; excuse, me please. Lol

[BlueInanna]

It's an awesome thread title Purple.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by BlueInanna

It's an awesome thread title Purple.

I thought so, too. A seasoned writer at work, clearly. You are a creative lady!

yeah it's a complete mis-appropriation of intimacy this dumb world lets most everyone else get away with it and they 'make out' literally like it means stuff all..!

likewise not so long but long enough!

it don't take long to forget touch and taste the flavour of someone who wants you back!

...shi...t just doin the numbers now I got 6 years....you got a bunch more..!

I'm sorry...but I know what you mean

how does this happen?

when there are so many of us that need company?

THIS WORLD IS TRULY SCREWED UP...!!

i HATE IT MORE THAN EVER...

see what discomfort can do turn a beautiful person into a shame

f...K....f...K

damn it!

[purpledaisy]

Originally Posted by usbusi

You could start a meetup group for a bipolar support group and probably meet someone that way, or a singles group. There is a singles meetup group that I might go to a first time event today, which has about 90 people going. For over 40 singles. I'm 50.

I know this might sound incredibly mean, but I don't want to start a Meetup group for bipolar people, and I don't want to date someone who is bipolar.

I'm not ready to expose my diagnosis to the world, and I have enough of a hard time dealing with my own diagnosis so I don't feel comfortable about having a relationship with someone who has the same diagnosis.

Does that make me a terrible person?

[manicminer]

Originally Posted by purpledaisy

I know this might sound incredibly mean, but I don't want to start a Meetup group for bipolar people, and I don't want to date someone who is bipolar.

I'm not ready to expose my diagnosis to the world, and I have enough of a hard time dealing with my own diagnosis so I don't feel comfortable about having a relationship with someone who has the same diagnosis.

Does that make me a terrible person?

Not at all. I wouldnt want to date someone like me either. I tried it.
In the beginning I got off on wanting to punch her in the face ever time she opened her mouth.
But the novelty wore off and I got the heck out of there.

I need someone who is either very balanced or on the depressed side to level me out. Another crazy just leads to baaaadd things

[Ladyzero]

I too, long for a complete relationship. Company, love, intimacy, sharing. Long to be hugged, reach out in the night to a warm body. I'm no good at being alone

[purpledaisy]

Originally Posted by Ladyzero

I too, long for a complete relationship. Company, love, intimacy, sharing. Long to be hugged, reach out in the night to a warm body. I'm no good at being alone

It's been so long that I don't know how I would react to being touched or having someone near me. It would probably be pretty uncomfortable for a while.

[usbusi]

Originally Posted by purpledaisy

I know this might sound incredibly mean, but I don't want to start a Meetup group for bipolar people, and I don't want to date someone who is bipolar.

I'm not ready to expose my diagnosis to the world, and I have enough of a hard time dealing with my own diagnosis so I don't feel comfortable about having a relationship with someone who has the same diagnosis.

Does that make me a terrible person?

On the other hand, they would understand you. Who better to understand your moods?

[~Christina]

Purple,

Its not mean. You are not a terrible person. I don't blame you for not wanting to start up a group.. Good grief BP already takes up alot of space in our lives. Few people know I am Bipolar. I am not ashamed, I don't really give a rats ***. to be honest. If someone found out "yay" if they don't "yay". I feel no need to shout it from the roof tops.

My 2 cents is this... You have been struggling for a long time now. Its time to break down and go pay the damn Pdoc and get on some other meds and explain in very blunt easy to understand language to the Pdoc you have no insurance and ask him if he can help you out doing some over the phone med adjustments and finding medications that you can afford.... Please hang in there... Things will improve.. THEY WILL.

** Hugs**

[Anika.]

Originally Posted by purpledaisy

I know this might sound incredibly mean, but I don't want to start a Meetup group for bipolar people, and I don't want to date someone who is bipolar.

I'm not ready to expose my diagnosis to the world, and I have enough of a hard time dealing with my own diagnosis so I don't feel comfortable about having a relationship with someone who has the same diagnosis.

Does that make me a terrible person?

No, hardly. I think it makes you a responsible person for knowing what you can handle and not setting others up for heartbreak when you know it's not what you want or need.

I have 3 kids. When I was dating I didn't want to date people with kids. My plate is very very full. I don't have an ex to deal with since he is completely awol. I don't think I would be able to handle the stress of my own kids.. Someone elses kids and possibly their ex also. Some people can handle that and some are marvelous with it. But it doesn't make me terrible because I can't, and you neither.

I got called a hypocrite many times. But I know what I can handle and I don't want to walk into other peoples childrens lives only to not be able to handle it and walk out on them. To me that is being responsible.

Everyone has their own issues, nothing wrong with wanting someone who doesn't have identicle ones to yours.