How to get over her?

I've been debating about whether or not it would be appropriate to post this here. I suppose that it ultimately does effect my moods, so I'll post.

I'm still not over the girl I mentioned in this thread: http://forums.psychcentral.com/showthread.php?t=253905

I haven't seen her in a month, won't see her for at least three more, and am living on the other side of the globe. Despite all of this, I still love her.

I miss her.

When I'm with her, I'm happy. It's that simple, that beautiful.

My gut feeling says that she returns my feelings, but is too insecure with her sexuality to admit it.

But at the same time, she never makes any effort to contact me now that we're apart. I'm always the one calling her. Even if she doesn't have any romantic feelings for me, you'd think that our friendship would be enough for her to want to talk to me occasionally. We spent an entire semester seeing each other almost every single day.

I've never been this close to anyone outside my family.

I miss her.

I'm confused.

What should I do? Should I try dating other people? I want to love someone who wants a relationship with me, for once in my life.

When I was 14, I had a crush on a straight girl.

When I was 15, I developed feelings for a girl who was...well, 5 year olds would call her a "big meanie head"; at 21 I have other names for her.

When I was 16 I fell in love for the first time with a woman who was nine years older. I have ample evidence that she was/is attracted to me, but she is very religious, and married a man. (She did tell me once in confidence that if it hadn't been for their religion, they would have divorced. This was only about a year after her wedding).

I was 18 when Stephanie got engaged to her husband and I realized that I had to get over her. It took me 3 years. During that time, I had some minor crushes, but no intense feelings for anyone.

And now, at 21...the girl that I'm writing about now. I've never had feelings this strong before. I don't know what to do. Is it normal to be this unlucky in love? To spend nearly a decade of your life suffering from love that can't be returned?

Thanks for listening to me rant. I know that most of you have much bigger problems in your life than unrequited love. Romance is the only major ingredient for happiness that is missing from my life; I'm very fortunate to be where I am otherwise.

I understand where you're coming from. For so many years I had stable relationships but they wouldn't work. I felt that until I finally had a healthy stable relationship I would not be able to organize anything else in my life. It was all in my head, like a curse. Often I thought it was silly of me to believe in love.. I had many definitions and explanations about it. However, the bottom line is that everybody needs to be loved and for me it was an impairment. I obsessively fought to save all my relationships even when I knew they were no good. I focused only in the good... Thankfully now I'm married and content. Now I have plenty other things to focus on, always making the best of my marriage of course.

It took me forever to get here but I see it as preparation, I'm not the person I was before and my life experiences shaped me into who I am today; and who I am today is the person capable to love and enjoy this marriage. Things happen in God's time. When we are prepared for our destiny...

Well, I've only had 5 actual "boyfriend/girlfriend" relationships. The first when I was fourteen with a boy that I wouldn't "give it up" so he dumped me. The next not until I was 18 with a guy who again, did the same thing. Then the guy I thought was the one who crushed my heart, causing me to marry my ex husband, and then now my husband who is the person I actually love and truely want to spend my whole life with.

In my experience I had a lot of what, back then, I thought was love but now I realize were just intense crushes on guys. And they were all unrequited. There was a whole string of them, kind of like your list. And every time I thought it was love and no, they didn't want anything to do with me. (Most of them didn't even want to be friends with me.) I got a lot of heart stomping responses from the simple "no, let's be friends instead," all the way up to the "I don't want to be seen with you in public, you're disgusting." I can't even remember very many of them by name now. They just fade away.

And then, there was one guy who I was totally sure it was actual love. And we spent a lot of time together but just as friends, and neither of us said anything, then he moved away to college. It put me into the cycle of regret. Which lead me to that heart crushing ex boyfriend, and so on...

So, my advice is that yes, you will get passed it. It takes time, but it will happen. And don't just "get over it," but let it go, along with all the others. Yes, if she wanted you in her life in any way (even as friends) she would be contacting you. Take time before dating other people but let that be a goal, let yourself heal up so you're not comparing other to her. If you want to find the right person for you, you have to be open to taking people for what they are and not what you wish or what someone else was.

You'll be fine. You're totally normal. Your love life and issues sound completely normal to me, although right now you're thinking it's tragic. But, be cautious. Because following that "my love life is tragic" mindset is what leads you into bad relationships. It happened to me, and a lot of other people, too.

Maybe you need to join or become active in a lgbtq club at your school so you meet other lesbians? Maybe you aren't out to everyone and feel ashamed? I think you are going to keep falling for straight people as long as you don't disclose your sexuality. I think it would be liberating to be out.

I thought you were out! If you're not, that's totally another issue because its going to be double the work! You see, it all happens for a reason. When u become comfortable with admitting so, you will probably experience relationships in a different way!

I am out to everyone, including my family. I have tried joining LGBT organizations. *sigh* I just need to stop giving my heart to straight girls and girls who are so cowardly they might as well be straight.

Aww Secretum, well the truth is it does hurt in these situations.

Yes giving your heart to a girl who is not straight or who is unsure is a good place to start. I am not sure how one knows all that really, but I guess taking it really slow. It doesn't sound like you were rushing either, but maybe try to not give your heart till you know where you both stand.

I think most of us have gone through this at some point. But yes get yourself back out there, and do things you enjoy. You will meet someone I think, and you deserve to find someone that gives it back to you as well.. because they want to.

But try not to take it too personal. This happens for so many reasons and it really is not always us or about us either.

It's hard when you were friends first I imagine, but maybe she feels to awkward about it or whatever it is, but clearly she just isn't wanting it, or is not ready. In either case that is not what you are looking for or where you are at.

I didn't find real love till I was 27, and I already had my three kids by then..

My first husband was also my first bf, and that clearly was not love. I really thought it was tho at the time. I didn't know, how can you know? Until you find it, then it's like an "uhh hah!" moment.

Just don't be too hard on yourself, and you are still young, it will happen especially if you keep open to it.

Please don't be offended at what I'm about to say.

Maybe these girls aren't cowardly. Maybe some are confused about their sexuality. On the other hand, the pessimistic side of me says some people like the thrill of the cat and mouse game and these girls have the "security" of their straight relationships. An out, something to run back to. An excuse.

You deserve the love of someone that will give back to you what you give them. Go find it in a relationship with someone that has "no strings attached"

I have no idea. I get attracted to the wrong people and do not get attracted to the right people (although I do recognize that the right people are nice, but that is the extent of it).