[BlueInanna]

Son has court today. He's already showered and seems like he'll go willingly this time. I'm only a bit nervous because they will likely remove his ankle monitor, and I just have some worry in me that he'll relapse with the meth or heroin again once he's "free".

I'm trying to think positive but also have that logical worry. He has been seeing his therapist, and he's been testing clean for the past 2 weeks (they allow thc). He's got straight A's in highschool so far, through the boarding school freshman year and the independant studies now. Last year I think he only attended about 10 days, so many stays at the psych and ER.

He sometimes takes his meds - lithium & trileptal. I'm not pushy about it because that was horrible for our relationship and led to violence and really bad places. I think our trust and relationship are what needs to be strongest.

Parenting is so hard!!!!! Anyway, wish us luck!

Good luck! I hope this is the turning point that you have been waiting for! Hope all goes better than expected!

I hope everything goes well for you two today

[~Christina]

Good Luck ! Sounds like some progress has been happening.

[Darth Bane]

good luck....

[Clinte89]

Good luck blue. I hope all goes well and works out today.

Good luck

[BlueInanna]

Thanks guys! It went ok, a little stressful, took a long time. I hate sitting there for hours. Apparantly he didn't return some of his probation officer's calls, and he missed his school meeting with his teacher last Friday. We both thought the school meeting was on a different day. So we have to go back again week after next. He's bummed he has to continue wearing the ankle monitor, but hopefully he'll take it very seriously that he has to return her calls.

And judge decided to come down hard about the pot use, told him his thc level better be lower on future drug tests. She went on and on about pot use, that it's dangerous to mix with psych meds. And I really don't want to have a debate about it here, but his pdoc and his T know he smokes pot and they're working with him on it. And it means we may have to add back in a benzo to his meds combo, cuz he has major anxiety. I consider benzo more risky and addictive, I was so happy he was off of xanax. Oh well, gotta follow the rules this time.

I wish I never had to get the law involved but I had to when he was manic and violent and seriously dangerous.

Oh well, keep on keepin on...

[Clinte89]

You did what you had to blue don't beat yourself up over it.

[BlueInanna]

Yea, I know... I still hate that I had to do it though... I'm still processing... processing... processing...

[Anika.]

Blue maybe the judge coming down hard on the pot use isn't exactly such a bad idea right now. Not even talking about pot being risky, I don't care about that at all, I don't have much opinion on that. I'm talking about the fact that he has serious substance abuse issues and it might not be a bad thing for him to learn to rely on less substances for coping. The thing with your son tho, it doesn't seem like being easy on him is always in his best interest and he seems to either not care too much or take it very seriously. I am sure he knows what he is expected to do like return the p.o.'s calls.

I agree fully with you on benzos, riskier than pot haha no really heck yes!!!!

I wish there was somewhere he could go for teens with issues where he could learn other tools for coping with life, careing about life, and wanting more for himself. Not sure if there is something like that he would be interested in going. The biggest battle is getting to the point of wanting it. I know he went to that rehab but maybe that was not long enough. 30 days is not very long to solidify any type of changes. People have a hard time sticking to a diet for that long nevermind the kind of challenges he is facing.

The judicial system is so half assed... they really don't think beyond punishment. Now nothing wrong with consequences but is that it? That might work for some people but for many MANY people ... they need so much more. Especially our youth, it almost feels like screaming "hey, I am sinking here and I beed some real help". This system is not working at all for our society.

It is a crisis and they are not doing anything about it.

I just hope your son starts to want something different soon. When I was a teen and into drugs and my less was a total chaotic mess, I honestly did not care at all. I cared nothing about myself or my life. I needed a heck of a lot more than the judicial system offers. I didn't get what I needed either, eventually I changed direction. And I hope he will too , he is lucky to have a mom that cares so much.

[BlueInanna]

Yea he needs to want something different... I don't know how to give him that. I'm not sure what we'll do. I feel like I should move to a new town and give him a new start, or more options like somewhere where he can have places to walk or skate to. But that's not really feasible right now.

[BlueInanna]

Originally Posted by Anika.

I wish there was somewhere he could go for teens with issues where he could learn other tools for coping with life, careing about life, and wanting more for himself. Not sure if there is something like that he would be interested in going. The biggest battle is getting to the point of wanting it. I know he went to that rehab but maybe that was not long enough. 30 days is not very long to solidify any type of changes. People have a hard time sticking to a diet for that long nevermind the kind of challenges he is facing.

I'm thinking about this... but I don't know where to find something like it. I already spent $60k on the school in Utah when he was 14-15. And I had to hire the people for $2k who come pick him up and make him go there.

But that school seemed good because they had music and did nature stuff. According to my son though, he did not have a good time the year there, and didn't help his abandonment issues either. He also got in some fights with the other boys. Maybe an all boy place is not the best bet. I like for them to have a balance of boys and girls. But we had good therapy together and he completed a lot of school courses with very good grades.

I don't have that kind of money anymore, I'm up to my ears in hospital bills.

He made a friend at the Utah school, who lives on a ranch somewhere. My son mentioned wanting to go there. Maybe he could go somewhere like that... ughh idk idk... I would miss him and have no idea if he's on drugs again or not.

This all has kind of set me off into a restlessness. Where are the answers, the solutions, there have to be some!

Guess I'll go have a smoke, wish it was warmer outside, at least there are stars out.

I have a new friend btw, she's into the same type of spiritual stuff as me, she's super fit into yoga (good influence for me). We drank some wine last weekend and talked for hours. I told her she seemed a little down, she said she's always like that. Lol, perfect Yay!! She's going to be able to understand when I'm in my funks. Anyway, she's busy with her kids tonight, but I'm happy I might end up with a nice real life friend.

[bluemountains]

Hey Blue,
I'm chiming in late, as usual. My job is so time consuming!
It sounds like there are some positives that you and your son can work with. Straight A's are great! That shows some commitment in at least one part of his life.
Also, the tone of your post is a bit more positive, I am feeling that you are hopeful, an emotion that has been missing at times.
I am so hopeful that he can find a normal in his life, one that can fit in with your family.
Many hugs, Blue!
Bluemountains

[Anika.]

It's really hard Blue. All you can do is put it all in front of them and try to help guide them, ultimately it is there choice id they are going to take it or not. Teens especially seem to live in another dimention. They honestly do not think like adults or children. Children actually seem closer to adults in this way.. teens are something else. Like this veil is lowered and they cannot seem to see through it for a good while there. If that curtain gets to thick they might never see theough it. Haed to have wait for it to come.

I have never had that kind of money ever. I have no idea what I would do. God why is helping people so pricey?? It's really crazy and sad. Most people can't afford it. Don't feel bad about that.

Hmm I am very weary about "ranches" specially if they target troubled youth or youth will mental illness. Or sometimes they are called residential wilderness therapy programs or whatever. I am sure some of them are good while others are really really. I have read so many horror stories coming out of these under regulated camps, retreats or residential facilities. Abuse, death of children, starvation, humiliation... It's horrible and they are charging parents thousands of thousands of dollars to abuse their children.

Just saying be careful about these places, if you did go that route show up unanounced a few times and talk to parents whos children have already been there and lots of them. I don't even know if that is the type of ranch you mean, just would not want that tobhappennto your son or you.

Glad you found a new friend Blue, who you connect with on a few levels... that is really great!!! I hope that blossoms well, you could use a good friend irl. And you deserve some great friends. I'd hang out with with you in a heartbeat !!! Half a heartbeat ?

Hmm drag him to yoga with your friend. I'm not kidding. Don't know if you can drag him anywhere.

My son is alot younger, my youngest. But he has had some problems with depression. I got him to watch videos on the secret, jon kabot zinn on mindfulness, some science vids that are inspiring to living.. Some breathing videos. It really helped him a lot. Especially the secret, he watched that and immediatly pulled himself out of that hole. I had the same experience with it. That is his favorite to watch when he starts to slide.

Might not work with your older son though it might spark some ideas in him. But it might work well for your youngest son. I was suprized my son grasped the concepts so easily and he was engaged in it. He is 11 and we were in the store the other day and he asked me if most people are consciously unawake, and if so.. do they know or do they just not care? Uhh huh ?? Even I was stumped to answer that one. He has always been like that tho, always seems like an old man in a little body. Old soul. The videos he watched never said that, I don't talk aboutthat with them. He is says things like that a lot tho.

I know your oldest has done a lot of therapy, but sometimes it helps to see this stuff in a non clinical setting by someone who is very engaging and sincere. Humble... Conviction, therapists sometimes lack these traits and just talk unpasionately. Makes it hard to really hear them with all senses.

Ahh I don't know Blue, I wish I did...

[newtus]

i just had to comment about the ranch thing.

i was sent to an interview with a team of professionals at an all girls ranch in south texas. i did NOT want to be there and near the end of the interview i was pretty much screaming and crying and insulting the professionals because..well..i did not want to be there. they insulted me back in front of all my family members that were there. at that point i KNEW i didnt want to be there.

actually the only reason i didnt get in was mostly cause financial issues.

ive learned to quickly see the environment there by the attitudes of the staff. and i WAS NOT sent there for behavioral things. only my mental illness dx. but it catered to a mix of mentally ill and troubled youth. basically troubled as in behavior problems. which i NEVER had as a teen. i never go in trouble with the law or teachers or EVEN my parents.

[BlueInanna]

Noooo -- not that kind of ranch. I think those type of ranches are all about abuse and punishment, kids locked in huts for days on end... noooooo...

I did a lot of research for about 3 years before I sent him to the Utah school. It was expensive but seemed like the best place I could find, and he was on drugs and not letting me home school him, refusing to go to school and routinely thrashing my house, and me, and his siblings. I felt like I should do something intensive intervention before someone including him got really hurt. Oh and cps had investigation going planning to place him somewhere of their choosing.

The ranch I'm talking about is this kids family's in Montana or Texas or something. I know those are opposite directions, but i just can't remember. The friend invited him to come live with him for awhile, but then my son got so into the meth we couldn't even hold a conversation, and it's total mayhem when he's on the shards as they call it. The other problem was, I have no idea if his family wants a bp teen with violent history in their house... or if the kid or family are drug free and good influence.

So Anika, the Secret, I watch that with my 11 yr old too lol, he loves it. I could maybe get Nate to watch it, but I don't know.

He's on edge tonight, has mentioned wanting to die, kill someone, bored, angry, etc. but it's just talk at this point. I think he's just processing the disappointment and feeling stupid about missing the teacher appt last week, and about not just making the easy enough phone call to his p.o.

But this is improvement for him, to use words and talk about it even yell about it rather than hurting himself, using drugs, or breaking things.

I've actually just got a knot in my stomach like he's really at risk for relapsing tonight. Going to go see if he wants to talk.

[newtus]

im really sorry then i did not understand.

[BlueInanna]

No worries Newtus. Very glad btw you did not have to stay at place you interviewed. Sounds horrible. I've done a lot of research on those ranches camps and schools and they're often so secretive or they have some alluring marketing websites really misleading parents who often just don't know what to do or where to turn. It's just horrible to think you're helping your child get well and safe to then be denied phone contact and find out the child is being abused. I've read a lot of horror stories.

[Trippin2.0]

I really don't have anything to add, wha with being so late for the part and all.... Just wanted you know I am thinking of you and the kids

[hamster-bamster]

Thinking of you, Blue,and glad that things look just a little brighter now.

[r3ap3rofall]

good luck hope all goes well

[Victoria'smom]

I'm so glad he's talking! I'm sorry it wasn't a good court date. Thinking about you guys.