Is this a problem worth my t and pdoc's attention?

I met with my t today, and she commended me on how open I have been with her and the school pdoc. She did say, however, that she sensed that I was still hiding something from them. She said that they could best treat me if they knew everything that is going on.

Lately, I've been having some symptoms that may seem scary on the surface, but that I don't think are a big deal. I don't want to worry my t and pdoc unnecessarily. Here's what has been happening:

I've been having telepathic conversations with inanimate objects (mostly a stuffed animal my friend made me, the ceiling in my bedroom, and my headboard). Lately, these conversations have turned dark, as these objects are telling me to kill myself. They also tell me that if they were able, they would do the job for me. They even tell me how they'd do it (the stuffed animal would suffocate me; the headboard would "bash my head in"...)

Anyway, I'm not too worried about these threats because these objects can't even move. They can't hurt me no matter how much they may want to. But I don't know if this is something that my treatment team should know about regardless? Most of the time, I don't feel suicidal (like not even a tiny bit), but every now and then I get these random impulses to jump out my window or overdose. It's augmented by what these objects have been telling me.

I don't know if I'm genuinely having these conversations or if I'm imagining them. If I'm imagining them, then these commands to end my life are just intrusive thoughts, distressing but harmless. Like I said earlier, I don't want to get everyone concerned over nothing. Or have my zyprexa upped when I don't need it.

You can't have conversations with anything that is not human. This is a sign of psychosis and IS serious. Tell your tdoc and pdoc immediately.

That does sound scary Sounds like rationally you know that stuffed animal is there to cuddle and comfort you, ceiling is to protect you from the weather, headboard is to support the bed that cradles you.

Likely the pdoc will take it very seriously and possibly consider you in danger of acting on it.

Do you really hear the objects saying it, or are they just random thoughts being processed. You are far from home and family so I'd guess that challenges your sense of security and maybe why the thoughts are connected to things that are meant to comfort, protect and support.

I told my pdoc that I used to control the weather, and that my daughter told me the same thing about herself without ever knowing about mine. I thought it was cool and interesting, real or not. But pdoc looked worried and said it was "eerie". But then she asked me if I still believe that, and I said not really. So she hasn't brought it up again.

Only you decide what you want to tell pdoc. Maybe it is a "symptom" she should know about. Maybe it's something you could work on with T. I don't know.

But I want you to be safe.

You can also ask these objects why they want you to kill yourself during your psychosis.

It can be some underlying stress that causes this episode. It can also be your meds that trigger psychosis causing the underlying stress to manifests as living inanimated objects.

You may also need to have your meds adjusted by pdoc.

Thanks for the responses, and for not treating me like I'm "crazy".

Thankfully, these conversations are all thought-like, i.e. I don't hear them out loud.

I don't think that I'm really psychotic because I acknowledge the possibility that my imagination may have invented this to play with my anxiety. According to my psych professors, a delusional person believes his delusions 100%. No doubts, at all.

I'm considering e-mailing my pdoc about it and seeing if she thinks it's important. I don't want her to over-react and think that I'm in danger, though. I'm 99% sure that I'm safe; I can resist the impulses when they come, and the rest of the time I'm not suicidal at all.

Then it is probably day dreaming, creating your own alternate reality. Probably you are too engrossed in it that you are kind of not in practical reality. Maybe your t sensed that. Definitely not healthy. Can lead to a psychotic break. Try finding out why you are doing it.

you believe these conversations are harmless,but sometimes you just cant trust your judgement... i doubt being bipolar one can get severity of his lows/highs... you know delusions... being so overly optimistic that afterward you are wondering how can you be this foolish...
i know it sucks... this bipolar making us doubt our every single decision... hopefully your new meds are causing all these nightmares...

You are having impulsive and intrusive thoughts about killing yourself -- that is a deep, deep concern.

I understand feeling as though it's harmless. When I have suicidal thoughts they last for a day or so, regardless of their intensity, and I believe they're too short lived to be a danger, but that doesn't change my doc from trying to pry it out of me. It's important towards your recovery, so do it. Tell them.

I would tell them and say it's not a problem right now. It is something that should be a watch closely.

I just e-mailed my pdoc. Told her everything, while emphasizing that I don't think that I'm in danger. I did it mostly as a precaution so that it doesn't get worse. Asked her if I should take more zyprexa tonight.

I'm just so scared that she'll freak out. What if she wants to send me to the hospital? I don't think that I need that, and it would be a distressing experience. Scared.

Pdoc e-mailed me back. I have to take more zyprexa ( weight gain!) and send her daily updates. I'm happy; she didn't overreact or get really worried.

Hopefully more Zyprexa is temporary, for a short period of time.

You need to tell them ASAP. This is very serious. It may not seem like much but its very important and needs attention very soon. Psychosis is a sign something is very wrong. Please seek help soon. Well thats good you told them and got a med change. Good for you. Cheers.

congrats and do something for that weight gain... its annoyingly difficult to lose weight

especially after Zyprexa which is the worst medicine in that regard

hopefully it's temporary.

Mine sure was. I dropped the 20 lbs. I gained with it in about six weeks. I've shed another 23 in the past 2 1/2 months for no real reason other than the fact that I no longer feel the need to sit around eating crap all day. Loved what Z did for me, but the weight gain and exacerbation of my diabetes did me no good whatsoever.

Secretum, you are most definitely in need of some additional help right now. You know you are having a psychotic experience, else you wouldn't have posted your concerns. I am worried about you. Please put those objects away and DON'T listen to anybody/anything that tells you to harm yourself.

Take care.....please?

Thanks for all the encouragement, everyone. I'm really sorry if I worried anyone. I'm 99% sure that I'm going to be ok. The extra zyprexa seems to be helping already; still having telepathic conversations, but nothing has told me to hurt myself today.

Thats great! Glad it seems to be helping. When things start talking to you tht should be an imediate concern. Glad you did something about it.

***Possible trigger***

Not to downplay your struggles...

did this happen before? You seem to be aware it's not "real"... so maybe it won't be so OMG-serious.

I had my food and old train tickets talk to me. I had entire foreign cities send me messages... and yes, these are often morbid. There's other things, collapsing into blackholes and stars, out of body experiences... I learned to accept it as part of my reality. I learned to ground hard during those experiences. I repeat to myself date/location/my identity (sometimes rather obsesivelly, but eh). Try to realize surroundings. Temperature, lighting, colors, structure of surfaces... to stay in the now.
And if things talk to me... I talk back assertivelly. Whatever is universe trying to tell you... you do have choice in the matter.

Thanks Venus, that makes me feel a lot less "crazy". I'm sorry that you've had similar experiences, but it is comforting to know that someone I really respect has gone through the same thing.

Yeah, I've had similar experiences before. I'm not sure if it's real or not, but I feel that as long as I'm not 100% convinced that it is, and as long as I resist the morbid commands being given, I should be ok.