[Victoria'smom]

The rib crushing, soul ripping, demonic anxiety is back, yay I can't breath yet I still want to peel my skin off. This is lovely, I have no idea where I'm mood wise and I have sufficiently been disturbing enough to really creep my husband out today. I need sleep. I hate this!

[Confusedinomicon]

I feel like I'm crashing too.

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

The rib crushing, soul ripping, demonic anxiety is back, yay I can't breath yet I still want to peel my skin off. This is lovely, I have no idea where I'm mood wise and I have sufficiently been disturbing enough to really creep my husband out today. I need sleep. I hate this!

Anxiety....horrible. Breathing exercises have been helpful for me. Also a lot of self care. Please try and be gentle with yourself.

[BlueInanna]

MM... sounds mixed ... Not good, maybe time for some med before it gets worse? I'm so sorry you're going thru it

[Victoria'smom]

passionskyy- what breathing exercises do you do?

Blue- I'm hoping it's just sleep deprivation and not mixed. That's the last thing we need right now. I (winiest voice ever) don't need more meds. Okay now back to adult convo. I canceled on Pdoc the 22nd (I had to, I hadn't decided about an AP and I cant screw up the wording of how I present things) but have an appt. 5/1. So other than T notes, which are greatly detailed, he has had no idea how I've been in the passed 3+ months. and he's out of the country for a couple of weeks.

Now there's the option of when I break to call T but she'll think the worst and want me to go to the crisis center because pdoc isn't around. She's already not fond of me being "under-medicated". but I can't go even if I wanted to because I can't trust everyone will be okay w/o me.

I took melitonin (Husband watched me), to see if it's sleep related. If it is I'll wake up cheerful and happy and bouncy.

[BlueInanna]

Please please say you woke up cheery and bouncy?

[Victoria'smom]

Sleep a good 4 hrs. (medicated) it should have knocked me out for at least 10 hrs. I woke up tired, wired, fast paced, empty, anxious, morbid and looking for an outlet. So going to a kids birthday party should be fun.

[BlueInanna]

Oh my ... hope the day goes ok, kid bday party might be a good distraction? will be fun for Miguel at least. and you're a great mama.

[BipolaRNurse]

OK, as much as this sucks for y'all, I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels like she's going crazy.

Been going through some extraordinary stresses at work lately, and I guess I'm having panic attacks now because I've been eating Ativan tablets like Skittles and feeling like I'm going to have a heart attack and die. I got so freaked out Wednesday that I called my pdoc, who's out of the area for a conference, and wound up talking with a psych NP who was absolutely wonderful to me over the phone and told me that this was too much stress for someone who's NOT bipolar. She also prescribed me some Klonopin, which has been a godsend......finally, I'm sleeping a solid six hours and waking up without being in a lather of anxiety.

But why now, when I'm in my mid-50s and life is supposed to be more settled than this? And could this anxiety be a new manifestation of my BP, or something new entirely? I am SO SICK of this......everytime I get straightened out and reach something approaching stability, something has to hit the fan and F it all up.

[Confusedinomicon]

Stress induces anxiety.

I don't think its a new manifestation of your BP. I think it's in relation to the current stress you're experiencing. If you didn't open with "Been going through some extraordinary stresses at work lately", I would have agreed that it could be a new manifestation of BP. People who are BP tend to be sensitive to stress and stress is known to trigger episodes.

Breathing: Three Exercises - Dr. Weil

Here are some breathing techniques you can practice that also help reduce anxiety/stress.

[texansuzy]

But why now, when I'm in my mid-50s and life is supposed to be more settled than this? And could this anxiety be a new manifestation of my BP, or something new entirely? I am SO SICK of this......everytime I get straightened out and reach something approaching stability, something has to hit the fan and F it all up.

Holy crap I could have written this word for word. It is what I feel like I'm going through, just when I think things are good, something comes up, I start having anxiety and stress and it just makes things worse. I keep trying breathing but it doesn't always help. I can't talk about it with people at work and I just don't have too many friends here (I moved from IA to TX about a year ago). I'd like to see my therapist more often (every 3 weeks right now) but I can't get more time off to do so. I am thinking that maybe, just maybe I need to see my pc doc and change or do something else, because its just not working.

[texansuzy]

But why now, when I'm in my mid-50s and life is supposed to be more settled than this? And could this anxiety be a new manifestation of my BP, or something new entirely? I am SO SICK of this......everytime I get straightened out and reach something approaching stability, something has to hit the fan and F it all up.

I could have posted this word for word. So crazy that things can F up in a heartbeat for me, just when I think I'm around the bend.

[BipolaRNurse]

That's what the NP thought, too, and I wouldn't be unhappy if the explanation is really that simple. I'd like to think I've lived with my BP long enough---even if I didn't know about it officially until 14 months ago---to know what is my illness manifesting itself and what isn't. Thank you, Confused......that makes me feel better!

[texansuzy]

I could have written what you did BPRN, I feel like my life should be easier now that I'm in my late 40's, but it seems like its more stressful, full of anxieties and stressful.

I am trying to deal with it all, which I why I just joined the forums. I need people who know how I'm feeling and hear how they deal with it.

[texansuzy]

I feel like I could have posted all you said BPRN. My life seems more out of control in my late 40's than ever. It's part of why I joined the forum, so I can talk to others in my situation and get feedback, because I feel lost about my BP sometimes.

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

passionskyy- what breathing exercises do you do?

Blue- I'm hoping it's just sleep deprivation and not mixed. That's the last thing we need right now. I (winiest voice ever) don't need more meds. Okay now back to adult convo. I canceled on Pdoc the 22nd (I had to, I hadn't decided about an AP and I cant screw up the wording of how I present things) but have an appt. 5/1. So other than T notes, which are greatly detailed, he has had no idea how I've been in the passed 3+ months. and he's out of the country for a couple of weeks.

Now there's the option of when I break to call T but she'll think the worst and want me to go to the crisis center because pdoc isn't around. She's already not fond of me being "under-medicated". but I can't go even if I wanted to because I can't trust everyone will be okay w/o me.

I took melitonin (Husband watched me), to see if it's sleep related. If it is I'll wake up cheerful and happy and bouncy.

MM-i do random ones from YouTube, they help. Confused posted some links that you may have saw....I'm a little late on this...

[~Christina]

Hope your feeling better MM

[BlueInanna]

How was the kid bday party? Those can be rough :/
Hope you're ok.

[notALICE]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

Sleep a good 4 hrs. (medicated) it should have knocked me out for at least 10 hrs. I woke up tired, wired, fast paced, empty, anxious, morbid and looking for an outlet. So going to a kids birthday party should be fun.

Glad you slept a good four hours, even if you woke up kinda icky. Tell me the kids party made you crash afterwards...

...those always wear me out.

[Victoria'smom]

I just got home. I'm tired but doubt I'll sleep. The kids party was fine way to crowded and rushed. Lil. Miguel had a meltdown at the end but everyone helped calm him down. Now he's cracking up blowing up a balloon and letting the air out. I'm not getting him to bed any time soon!
_____________________________________________________________________
Convo. before we left:
Me: "Your on his own this weekend. I'm drugging myself to sleep. I need sleep because of (my recurring thought)."
Him: "Shouldn't we be more concerned about (my recurring thought) than oh I need sleep"
"Nope, just need sleep" Stupid husband's T telling him to worry about my random thoughts more, Stupid H for listening.
____________________________________________________________________
I completely flipped out in the car (me & H) because my H wanted a kiss almost tried to kick out the window.

Tomorrow I proctor a test for first graders. Hoping to wake up cheery because that is going to be draining. Hopefully medicated sleep comes after proctoring.

[Victoria'smom]

BipolaRNurse and Confusedinomicon - Sorry your feeling this way too.
Confusedinomicon- thank-you for the link
passionskyy- I didn't even think to look at youtube but I will
Christina- I'm pretty calm right now

[bluemountains]

The two things that make our world what it should be-sleep and exercise. So easy to say but so hard to attain!
I am sorry that your sleep is so off MM. I hope after your nap that the party was enjoyable. I love it when I can get away from my mind sometimes.
Give us an update soon!
Bluemountains

[Victoria'smom]

Between last night and this morning I'm more calm. "acting" (aka. reading / proctoring) for a class of 1st graders really helps when over-energized.

[BlueInanna]

Sounds really cute
Glad you're feeling a little better