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#1
Apr 16, 2013, 04:00 PM
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Hi Everyone,
I feel like a hamster going round and round. I thought I had accepted that I have BP1. Yesterday a poster mentioned it was her birthday, how long she'd been dealing w/ BP and what all she's been through with meds. It scared the hell out of me. I thought "he'll I'm not trying to do that sh**. I began thinking abt how I was diagnosed and second guessing it. I went for a THIRD eval today and was told the same BP1. I'm a single parent have been for years so I'm naturally strong. A few things scare me. 1. The fear of hurting my family during an episode. 2. The fear of not being able to hold a decent job. 3. The fear of being bounced from med to med once one stops working. How do you accept having a life changing condition? I had a nice life before this. I've had to change so much to accommodate this condition. I feel like I just had another baby that I have to lug around everywhere I go. I didn't sign up for this crap. When I get mad now I get nervous, nervous that I might get too mad an have a BP moment. I'm moving near family soon and I'm afraid of hurting and stressing them out. I'm open to feedback....tips.
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#SpoonieStrong Spoons are a visual representation used as a unit of measure to quantify how much energy individuals with disabilities and chronic illnesses have throughout a given day. 1). Depression 2). PTSD 3). Anxiety 4). Hashimoto 5). Fibromyalgia 6). Asthma 7). Atopic dermatitis 8). Chronic Idiopathic Urticaria 9). Hereditary Angioedema (HAE-normal C-1) 10). Gluten sensitivity 11). EpiPen carrier 12). Food allergies, medication allergies and food intolerances. . 13). Alopecia Areata |
 BipolaRNurse, faerie_moon_x, Odee
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#2
Apr 16, 2013, 05:09 PM
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The main for me to remember is that I am still me. It doesn't matter what my diagnosis is, I'm still me and always will be me.
A lot of things have changed for me. I know I don't function like I used to. But, I'm still mee. I hold on to that. I'm not an illness. I'm me. It's important for me to remember that.
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 BipolaRNurse
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#3
Apr 16, 2013, 05:37 PM
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Oh, dear Coco, I sure feel your pain. This is a big deal but as others have said, you are the same person you were before you got this diagnosis. This is exactly what my therapist said to me. When I protested that the meds change who I am she responded that we will tweak them until it's right. She made a change to them that very day.
Be proactive in your care. A year ago I had bad care and said screw it. Now it's much better. I shouldn't have given up so easy. Some suggestions........ Have patience with yourself Be realistic but not fatalistic Don't cling tightly to your emotions, be gentle instead. Let the people who love you know if you struggle but reward their efforts by reassuring them that you are working as hard as you can to stay well. One day at a time. One foot after the other. Don't look back for too long and don't look too far forward. Live in the moment and love yourself. Take good care of yourself. Get plenty of rest. I am no expert. I am right where you are. We can do this, and like all burdens, this too will make us stronger in some way. |
| BipolaRNurse, Cocosurviving, noneedtoknow, Sistah
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#4
Apr 16, 2013, 08:16 PM
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Quote:
__________________
#SpoonieStrong Spoons are a visual representation used as a unit of measure to quantify how much energy individuals with disabilities and chronic illnesses have throughout a given day. 1). Depression 2). PTSD 3). Anxiety 4). Hashimoto 5). Fibromyalgia 6). Asthma 7). Atopic dermatitis 8). Chronic Idiopathic Urticaria 9). Hereditary Angioedema (HAE-normal C-1) 10). Gluten sensitivity 11). EpiPen carrier 12). Food allergies, medication allergies and food intolerances. . 13). Alopecia Areata Last edited by Cocosurviving; Apr 16, 2013 at 10:47 PM. |
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#5
Apr 16, 2013, 10:36 PM
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Having BP doesn't necessarily mean you will act out or get physical with others. I have BP1 and I have never done so. We have to remember that no matter what our diagnosis is we are still responsible for our actions. So, if you feel you are going to lose control, leave, go to another room. Give yourself a time out.
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#6
Apr 16, 2013, 11:35 PM
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Coco!! I share all of your same fears. Every day I feel the same way. Fear of not being able to hold a job, messing with medication that doesn't work my whole life, having "not signed up for this." Such terrible things to feel. EVERYTHING SEEMED TO FINE BEFORE!!
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Just a little tree kitty. Depression, Anxiety, Panic. Med free. |
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#7
Apr 16, 2013, 11:44 PM
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Read Veronika Decides to Die! by Paulo Coelho
It took me like 3-4 years to 'accept' the diagnosis, but this book is greatttt~~~
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"You got to fight those gnomes...tell them to get out of your head!" Last edited by Confusedinomicon; Apr 17, 2013 at 12:19 AM. |
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#8
Apr 17, 2013, 12:25 AM
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In answer to your question "no".
I accepted it quite readily even though it did suck WetRabidDogAss.... Was the missing piece to a puzzle I was trying to solve since age 15. Acceptance helps alot in my view. At the moment, not doing so well (refusing to go to work) and I do have my "I hate bp" days and wonder if I'll always "manage"... it ebbs and flows I guess, much like my moods. |
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#9
Apr 17, 2013, 12:29 AM
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I accepting it the moment they passed my Pdoc's lips. It explained pretty much everything about my actions growing up.. I am 46 now diagnosed a little over 3 years ago. My T and I have traced my Bipolar back to about the age of 6 Yes 6 years old.
Between (age 6) then and now I've had some friends, drank a bit, Did some typical teenage nonsense, gotten married , had a child, worked 3 jobs at numerous times. I worked one whole year 365 days working 3 jobs and I never missed a day. I got divorced , raised my daughter shes a 22 beautiful smart talented and has BP I . The only issue I have in regards to Bipolar for me is whether I need medications or not.
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Helping others gets me out of my own head ~ |
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#10
Apr 17, 2013, 12:41 AM
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I feel ya, Coco. Even though I've always known something was wrong---and bipolar explained it all---I still go through moments (like now) when I wonder WHY??? Why did I have to get this stupid thing? Why has it gotten so bad now, in later life? Why can't I go back to the days before I knew I had it and live in blissful ignorance?
So no, I haven't fully accepted my diagnosis yet either, even though I know in my heart of hearts that it is part of me, always has been, and always will be. I hope I'll become comfortable with it someday, or at least be able to call a truce with it. I wish the same for you.
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DX: Bipolar 1 Anxiety Tardive dyskinesia Mild cognitive impairment RX: Celexa 20 mg Gabapentin 1200 mg Geodon 40 mg AM, 60 mg PM Klonopin 0.5 mg PRN Lamictal 500 mg Levothyroxine 125 mcg (rx'd for depression) Trazodone 150 mg Zyprexa 7.5 mg Please come visit me @ http://bpnurse.com |
| Cocosurviving
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#11
Apr 17, 2013, 12:42 AM
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Accepted it fast . I struggle terribly with treatment and where my limits are due to bp.
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Dx: Me- SzA Husband- Bipolar 1 Daughter- mood disorder+ Comfortable broken and happy "So I don't know why I'm tongue tied At the wrong time when I need this."- P!nk My blog |
| BipolaRNurse
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#12
Apr 17, 2013, 09:24 AM
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Quote:
__________________
#SpoonieStrong Spoons are a visual representation used as a unit of measure to quantify how much energy individuals with disabilities and chronic illnesses have throughout a given day. 1). Depression 2). PTSD 3). Anxiety 4). Hashimoto 5). Fibromyalgia 6). Asthma 7). Atopic dermatitis 8). Chronic Idiopathic Urticaria 9). Hereditary Angioedema (HAE-normal C-1) 10). Gluten sensitivity 11). EpiPen carrier 12). Food allergies, medication allergies and food intolerances. . 13). Alopecia Areata |
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#13
Apr 17, 2013, 09:45 AM
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Quote:
I've lost so much directly after being dx'd. i had so many triggers so I avoided a lot of things, things i use to do and reslly enjoyed. like going to football games) friends walked away ( only one comes ard but not often. We did not hang out all winter long), I lost my job during a manic episode and the cognitive difficulties are really pissing me off. I miss reading, being able to speak and form a sentence all the time, I miss knowing that I know the driving rules and will not pull out in front of a car. I'm going to pray abt this but just need to know how others worked through it.
__________________
#SpoonieStrong Spoons are a visual representation used as a unit of measure to quantify how much energy individuals with disabilities and chronic illnesses have throughout a given day. 1). Depression 2). PTSD 3). Anxiety 4). Hashimoto 5). Fibromyalgia 6). Asthma 7). Atopic dermatitis 8). Chronic Idiopathic Urticaria 9). Hereditary Angioedema (HAE-normal C-1) 10). Gluten sensitivity 11). EpiPen carrier 12). Food allergies, medication allergies and food intolerances. . 13). Alopecia Areata |
| BipolaRNurse
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#14
Apr 17, 2013, 11:54 AM
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It was hard for me I have bipolar1 so do not get mania very often I get depressed.
But now they have told me I am bipolar1 and I am trying to acceptit, Thought I just had depression. |
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#15
Apr 17, 2013, 12:24 PM
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i don't think i have fully accepted it yet.
stress unhinged me for a time but i've been stable without meds for a year. psych tests always flag me up as bipolar, though, so maybe i am in denial. |
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#16
Apr 17, 2013, 07:26 PM
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I was glad when I was dx, and when I starting finding out I wasnt alone and all these wierd things I do other people did them to. It was a relief because I really thought I was crazy. I guess the hard part is when people judge me as that biploar chic, my ex always said when we have disputes over the children he uses it as an excuse. I have to becareful when I go to court because the referee is critical and judgemental of mental problems. Its also hard to explain it to my children or try to keep my moods away from them.
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#17
Apr 17, 2013, 08:03 PM
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Quote:
__________________
#SpoonieStrong Spoons are a visual representation used as a unit of measure to quantify how much energy individuals with disabilities and chronic illnesses have throughout a given day. 1). Depression 2). PTSD 3). Anxiety 4). Hashimoto 5). Fibromyalgia 6). Asthma 7). Atopic dermatitis 8). Chronic Idiopathic Urticaria 9). Hereditary Angioedema (HAE-normal C-1) 10). Gluten sensitivity 11). EpiPen carrier 12). Food allergies, medication allergies and food intolerances. . 13). Alopecia Areata |
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#18
Apr 18, 2013, 01:48 AM
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I still struggle with diagnosis. I don't see I fit in criteria for BPI. But here I am and doing what dr.s tell me to do and take.
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Bipolar I/Mixed Lithium 1200 Paxil 40 Latuda 20 Halcion .5 Ativan .5 
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