[ManicMe]

How ridiculous is this? My son's stupid band teacher is a stupid trigger for me. I have been flying high on hypo for a few days now and this morning I had to deal with this man and he triggered an "episode". Even my husband was like, "whoa, guess we found another trigger". It was all over something stupid, but the fact that I even have to deal with him sets me over the edge! I am a teacher so I know how things work in education and it drives me nuts that I have to turn into one of "those parents" in order to just get through the year sane! This man is unreasonable, inflexible, and always has to have the last word. ARGHHHHHH!!!! I just want to scream, throw things, and have a fit! I'm trying real hard to control it but I will perseverate on this all stinking day! I can't calm down, I am furiously typing, my heart is pounding, and I kinda want to destroy things. Damn this sucks.

[faerie_moon_x]

Okay, so it's good you identified him as a trigger. So now to set up coping skills.

I'd say first make a list of all the things he does that trigger you, and then come up with pre-planned reactions. For example, knowing he's inflexable in advance can help you because you can set up a game-plan before you talk to him about anything. You can plan out exactly what you want to say, do not deviate from it, and once you've said your piece say goodbye and walk away.

Same with knowing he needs to have the last word. Know it in advance so that you're prepared for it.

If the coping skills don't work, maybe send your husband to deal with this particular teacher instead. Show him that you're a unified front for your child's education.

[ManicMe]

Originally Posted by dark_heart_x

Okay, so it's good you identified him as a trigger. So now to set up coping skills.

I'd say first make a list of all the things he does that trigger you, and then come up with pre-planned reactions. For example, knowing he's inflexable in advance can help you because you can set up a game-plan before you talk to him about anything. You can plan out exactly what you want to say, do not deviate from it, and once you've said your piece say goodbye and walk away.

Same with knowing he needs to have the last word. Know it in advance so that you're prepared for it.

If the coping skills don't work, maybe send your husband to deal with this particular teacher instead. Show him that you're a unified front for your child's education.

That's a good plan. The trick is sticking to it once he gets me going. I think it would be a good idea to have my husband deal with him. I will get ten kinds of crazy on this man if given the opportunity. I am a little calmer now, but I am still amped up about it. The anxiety and impulsive urges are still there. I feel like I could snap. I went out and watered my plants and that helped a little. It's times like these that I wish I was medicated. I'd pop a xanax or adivan and chill. But I am not medicated and praying and meditation are all I have...A plan of action is a good start though Thank you

[CantGetRight]

My wife has a friend who is a trigger for me. Its so bad that divorce was almost certain for awhile but things died down. To make a long story short her friend told others some confidential information that my wife had told in good faith. Now everytime I hear this womans name I become filled with rage. And now she is applying for a job that would put her side by side with my wife. If this happens I will most certainly make it so hard on my wife that she quits the job or quits me. Any advice please and im sorry im not a great speller. lol if that is even a word............

[faerie_moon_x]

I know how hard it is once it starts. That's why I think the best plan is to keep it from starting. I've been working on coping skills like this myself. I've had some slip ups and had a few episodes. I just keep trying. Giving up is the only real failure after all.

Serenity is much more important in your life ManicMe than to continue to deal with this
trigger. I agree with the idea that you might want to let your husband deal with him.
Just avoid him at all costs, in my view. And plan how you're going to do that!

Take care and try to be calm; he's the one with the problem; let him clean up his act.
(A little maturity wouldn't hurt him one bit.)

Take care; you're doing mighty well not to be taking meds, but then one writer says
that there isn't any psychotherapy can that do more than prayer and meditation can do. I rely on them heavily, also, and take only a minimum of meds.

[ManicMe]

I think I will try to avoid this one in the future. I feel better now, But I have been spun up about it since about 6 am. It's taken me 7 hours to calm down. I cannot let this person take seven hours of my life away. Thank for the advice. There is always next time to handle myself better...

[Confusedinomicon]

Stupid people will always frustrate/make you mad. They will always be everywhere. You may end up being that person in some situations, too. I don't necessarily count it as an episode because anyone/everyone will experience getting frustrated. You also have valid reasons at why you are angered by him. Its almost like he is making a mockery of your profession which would naturally hit close to home.

I take humor in that fact. Working on releasing anger is hard but can be done. I used to be so bad that a single trigger would make me feel worthless and suicidal. I learned, and am still learning to take things with a light heart. I ask myself if being pissed off is worth it. If it isn't then I imagine myself throwing away the cause of my stress.

[Confusedinomicon]

...onphone.

If you can imagine yourself throwing it away, then it can help in forgetting about it. Tell your brain that its rubbish and needs to go! That's the problem with ruminating. Visually imagining yourself doing things helps to make those thoughts and feelings physical.

If its a serious problem I don't recommend doing that.

[ManicMe]

[QUOTE=Confusedinomicon;3058062]Stupid people will always frustrate/make you mad. They will always be everywhere. You may end up being that person in some situations, too. I don't necessarily count it as an episode because anyone/everyone will experience getting frustrated. You also have valid reasons at why you are angered by him. Its almost like he is making a mockery of your profession which would naturally hit close to home.

Ya, I wouldn't have counted it as a full blown episode except when I raged I became violent and broke some dishes. That's not a typical response to that situation. I have in the past just internalized the frustration, but this time I got a little crazier than normal. I screamed and broke things and couldn't calm down or be calmed down. I scared my husband and kids. I went from perfectly calm to a raging lunatic in less than 10 seconds. I scared myself! I haven't escalated like this in a few months...

[notALICE]

My STUPID trigger is my daughters father. Absent 10 years of her life, and tries to control everything, pay nothing. She's missed more school this year than her entire school career. She had a fever the other day, and he tried to allude that maybe it was because we had to sign a lead waiver at our apartment complex. He works with someone who lives in our complex and so he knows they had to sign a waiver.

Standard form for houses/complexes for lease or rent built before 1978. He lives in a house older than that and said well he didn't have to sign a waiver. His landlord was amiss in that.
A fever isn't even a sign of lead paint poisoning in children. She's 11 and not teething on the wood in the apartment.

The guys a f-ing idiot. I think she's been sicker than usual because his work schedule allows for no consistency, and he moved 15 miles away, which means she has to get up an extra hour every school morning she's with him to drive through city rush hour traffic. I think she's back and fourth too much (7 overnights in a 4 week period) and its not concurrent days. She's run down.

He also claimed her on his 2011 taxes, when he only just met her in May of that year and paid less than $500 in child support that year, or ten years really. That's tax fraud. He won't pay for anything extra, school pics, her extracurricular activities, her school field trips, her clothes, nothing. Just the child support he was underpaying for over a year. It's all about what he can get and never about what's best for her. Ever.

Ok my blood pressure is rising just writing about it. He's probably part of the reason I went totally manic. And I'll have to deal with him another 7 years, and our legal agreements aren't even final. He's paid around $15K for a lawyer, and I can't afford one to protect my child. I'm not against him being in her life, I just want consistency and structure for her. Life is not fair. I've always struggled with that.

[herhusband]

I have begun to understand that with a good coping skill that I can use is when you know that he is being an ***, just smile in a very sarcastic tone. But sometimes that doesn't work, and then the anger comes raging out after brooding on it. Then the anger comes out quick and fast. God I hope I can get that under control first and for most.

[herhusband]

And no trigger is stupid, some odd, but not stupid.

[kaliope]

my dentist is a trigger. i ran into him at a fundraiser and i was a mess for over a week afterward. i couldn't come out of it. i finally called the dental office and asked if i could see him. figured he triggered it, it was his job to fix it. he spent over half an hour talking to me, everything from exposure therapy to getting a new dentist. it worked. the episode went away. i now prepare to see him at that particular fundraiser. we made a joke out of it last year.

[Cocosurviving]

[QUOTE=ManicMe;3058235]

Originally Posted by Confusedinomicon

Stupid people will always frustrate/make you mad. They will always be everywhere. You may end up being that person in some situations, too. I don't necessarily count it as an episode because anyone/everyone will experience getting frustrated. You also have valid reasons at why you are angered by him. Its almost like he is making a mockery of your profession which would naturally hit close to home.

Ya, I wouldn't have counted it as a full blown episode except when I raged I became violent and broke some dishes. That's not a typical response to that situation. I have in the past just internalized the frustration, but this time I got a little crazier than normal. I screamed and broke things and couldn't calm down or be calmed down. I scared my husband and kids. I went from perfectly calm to a raging lunatic in less than 10 seconds. I scared myself! I haven't escalated like this in a few months...

I can complete relate. I know the posters saying be calm and take a breath mean well. BUT rage is rage, it is uncontrollable AND it sneaks up on you. I've got so mad I scared myself too. The only solution I've found is avoid the trigger.

[Cocosurviving]

Originally Posted by herhusband

I have begun to understand that with a good coping skill that I can use is when you know that he is being an ***, just smile in a very sarcastic tone. But sometimes that doesn't work, and then the anger comes raging out after brooding on it. Then the anger comes out quick and fast. God I hope I can get that under control first and for most.

I hope you can get it under control, do know ur not the only one. I've been blind w/ rage.

[ultramar]

Can someone define 'trigger' for me, in this or other contexts? This term always confuses me. Thanks.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by ultramar

Can someone define 'trigger' for me, in this or other contexts? This term always confuses me. Thanks.

A trigger is something or someone that yanks your chain and upsets you whether its tears or a rage from hell, It's a huge response not just a passing thought.

I have numerous "triggers" . Therapy has helped me to cope with triggers and lessen there affect on me.. Tough work and sometimes you are unable to remove the trigger completely,

Some common triggers could be

A song , a movie, a certain person or persons, A particular smell. having a confrontation with others.

I feel its always a good thing to educate your triggers, that way you can hopefully cope with it instead of just " react" it.

Hope that helps Ultra