[HabitualQuitter]

I always thought I was a little off in some of my thoughts. Especially those that involve danger and harm. I talked to my sister about it once and she started talking about how she pictures people naked without wanting to and sometimes envisions couple having sex when they are right in front of you, talking to you, even at church. She normalized my thinking. But now that I've gotten the Dx's I have I wonder if it is/has been something else all along.

The thoughts are things like driving my car off an overpass (as I'm driving on the overpass), or swerving into a semi truck (18 wheeler, while driving right next to a semi truck). I've often thought of throwing myself over the railing on a very upper level of a stairwell while looking over the edge. One time we were in a parking garage and went to look over the edge and I invisioned throwing my child over the edge I immediately hated myself for that. But why did I think it in the first place? Who thinks crazy things like that!? Seriously, I would NEVER harm my children. In fact I've walked away before to keep from raging at them when I am unstable. I don't like imagining the youth pastor and his wife having sex in the middle of a sermon! I hate my mind. Sometimes I'll imagine something insignificant like an empty swing swinging on a swingset and I want the swing to swing so high that it wraps over the bar but I cannot make the swing wrap around. It drives me CRAZY. The stupid part about it is I won't be able to stop fixating on it and its so annoying. I try very hard not to even "go there" with my thoughts but it's like I have no control. Is this all just my weirdness or can anyone relate?

[Trippin2.0]

Suicidal Ideation is quite common, I just think of them as "morbid thought". I have OCD too, so the thoughts tend to run on a loop at times. Since I pretty much dismiss them now, they are fewer and only fleeting. You're not alone, I promise

[HabitualQuitter]

Is that was suicidal ideation is?? I had no clue

[~Christina]

They pop in my head daily. I pay them no mind.

[Cocosurviving]

I also have SI from time to time. I'll walk pass a balcony and a thought will pop in my head to jump off. I tell the idea to shut up.

[k12573n]

I have similar thoughts pretty often.. especially when I'm in the car alone. I'm constantly imagining driving into oncoming traffic, stopping on railroad tracks, swerving into the other lane, etc. Sometimes I think it keeps me further from the actual act, other times it seems like it pulls me further into darkness. It just varies, not sure how to cope with it yet but I can definitely relate.

I also imagine other people I'm talking to or around having sex. Not sure about where that comes from but I do that, too.

I also have a habit of envisioning myself hurting people, screaming as loud as I can at someone, etc, in public but can simultaneously maintain complete composure outwardly.

[bigRAINcloud]

Originally Posted by HabitualQuitter

I always thought I was a little off in some of my thoughts. Especially those that involve danger and harm.

I've often thought of throwing myself over the railing on a very upper level of a stairwell while looking over the edge. The stupid part about it is I won't be able to stop fixating on it and its so annoying. I try very hard not to even "go there" with my thoughts but it's like I have no control. Is this all just my weirdness or can anyone relate?

I can relate too odd imagines.i often think "bad things" happening.I am impulsive in someways.hence me taking alot of pills nd drinking nd cutting up my leg......

[HabitualQuitter]

I had no clue that was SI. I've had those thoughts since I was a child. I never wanted to die, except when I got depressed as a teen when my mom left, etc.

[wildflowerchild25]

I have the same thoughts, especially of suicide. I also have thoughts of doing things like throwing things I see or knocking people's water off the desk or something. Just last week I imagined climbing across the table and bashing a coworker's face into it by her hair....but in my defense she deserves it

[~Christina]

LOL Wild

[Cocosurviving]

WFC, I thought it was just me. I have violent thought towards family members.

[Sharron73]

I find this very interesting. I have experienced this for many years. I call them my compulsive suicidal thoughts. I remember telling a young nurse about them once and the fear in her face was unforgettable. But for me it just seemed normal, nothing to be alarmed about, sometimes I just think "you should kill yourself", then I don't. Just another part of my day. I don't think she understood, she frantically handed me like a dozen pamflits and fridge magnets with suicide hotline numbers. I took it all to be polite.

[middlepath]

I TOTALLY have those thoughts. Sometimes, i will be waiting in line at Costco and think of kicking the person in front of me in the calf. I am a people-lover mostly so the idea makes no sense...it is kinda funny though. I also get random impulses to do things that are not nice like pull hair or push people. I would never do that. Oh...and (i feel horrible about this) when my oldest son was born, i was so depressed and the crying never stopped, I became sleep deprived and for a brief second I thought of throwing him out the window. I, like you, felt HHHHHORRRIBLE about that and hated myself. I knew I would never do that but it is the guilt of even having a thought like that, that hurts. You are not alone...