Bipolar and I hate it!!!!!

I'm bipolar and I hate it with a passion!!! I can't keep friends I can't keep a job or most appointments, recently I had a suicidal episode and I'm pretty sure I scared my BFF off she been really distant, and we do everything together but the past week or so we haven't really hung out or texted like we usually do, I'm at a loss if I lose another friend I dunno what I'm gonna do I know I've got family but what's life with out friends??? Recently I've had a relaps in old behaviors and I'm scared, I feel so dirty and like a common *****... Who wants to be friends with a *****!? Like really Ashley your so stupid!! I knew I was playing with fire and I deff. Got burnt UGH!!!!

I don't think there's any such thing as a *****. If you've been sleeping around, that doesn't make you a bad person. I hope you've been safe about it though!

You aren't stupid. No one is stupid, although we're all capable of making stupid decisions sometimes!

I've typically had multiple groups of friends - some who can handle me when I'm depressed, others who can handle me when I'm hyped up, and others who I'd spend most of my time with in between. I found it helped me not destroy my friendships quite as quickly, because each group would know a different side of me. Have still managed to push away a lot of friendships though.... and it stinks. Big time.

Maybe your friend has some stuff going on in her own life right now? Sometimes people need to take time for themselves, it doesn't mean she cares about you less or doesn't want to be friends. Give her some time, don't pressure her, and re-establish contact in a gentle way (and maybe try to not ask her loads of questions, I have most certainly ruined friendships by obsessing over issues!). Was your suicidal episode the first time she was aware of these sorts of feelings you've been having? Sometimes that is really hard for someone to learn about, because they don't understand and aren't sure how to relate or be supportive.

you'll get past this. these things happen. In time, you'll get the closure that you need with your best friend.

Just know that it will all pass and that things will go back to the way that they were, when you were happy with them. things have a way of working themselves out, but it takes time.

time.... that's all it takes really. all it takes for us to sit and bite our nails. for our thoughts to escalade us into crisis mode. for us to react and act out in desperate ways.

But hang in there, and know that it will get better.

The best thing to do during a time like this, is to be conscious and protective over the fact that these things can trigger us into episodes and that's the last thing that any of us would want going through such a hard time. it would just make things worse and seem even more hopeless.

I hope it passes swiftly for you.

Jeff

Ashley, you are not alone! I haven't met a bridge I haven't burned. I wish I had a magic solution for you...sometimes this struggle just sucks. But it'll get better...then worse...then better...then worse...

Hi Ashley, you sound like you need a hug.

Having bipolar means we have to fight a battle in our heads everyday. It isn't easy or fun. Unfortunately, many people are not willing to stand and fight with us. The thing I've learned is that those people are not worth it. People like that I call "box friends." What's that? Well, people like to catagorize you into a little box. In your box are a set ways you need to think and act. If you step outside of your box, then they don't want you around.

It's sad but the majority of friends you make are box friends. Finding true friends is the hardest thing that you can do. I would say most people only ever have 1 true friend in their life. If they ever find more, then they are very lucky.

All of my old friends ditched me, back stabbed me, etc. It's done a lot of damage to my ability to trust people in genreal. But, even if you don't have bipolar box friends still exist. Everyone has them.

You're not stupid. Everyone makes mistakes here and there. The key is learning from them and things will get better. Whatever you did, you can learn from it and learn ways to help yourself not do it again next time.

It's not that I think I've burnt a bridge I honestly think I scared the s*** outta her, she's super supportive and I'm guessing she doesn't know how to react to it.... Yes this was my first suicide episode with her and I'm positive it scared her hell it scared me..... As far as the whole being a ***** thing no I wasn't safe things happens so fast I wasn't thinking and now I am but I'll know in about a week if my choice results in a pregnancy, if that happens I dunno if I can mentally handle it. How am I gonna hide it from my parents!?!? They'd be so disappointed by me getting pregnant by someone I barely know, I dunno how soon you can tell if you are or not but I haven't been able to eat really, and I feel like I'm gonna have my woman problem but I'm not sure

Can one of the women shed some light on this subject???

From one mistake maker to another...it will be ok. I hate the feelings of self-loathing that go alone with reflecting on ones behavior. Just remember we are all human, we all get hurt, we all cause harm and hopefully we can all forgive eachother and ourselves for these things. Hugs to you. Go easy on yourself and remember you have friends here who understand when your "box friends" as Dark Heart so insightfully put it, alienate you.

There really is no way to tell absolutely at this point if it's still a week away. They do make tests that may work up to three days before, so you MAY be able to get one of these tests in a few days. However I've heard they're still highly inaccurate. Even if you do miss in a week it could still just be stress from worry, so I know it's difficult almost to the point of impossible, but try not to worry about it too much.

We all make mistakes. And serious and severe ones... try not to be too hard on yourself.