[comicgeek007]

So I'm struggling with myself over the idea that I may always depend on meds to be at all stable. Even though I've been on them for a number of months.

I thought I could do it on my own, since my life took a sharp turn downward ever since I started meds and I really only had to deal with occasional deep depressions and hypo.

Is it possible to have antidepressants cause mania if you've never had true mania before? I still feel like even though I'm effectively dependent on my meds that some of this mess may have been caused by getting force-fed AD's and only AD's in that horror house they call a Mississippi adolescent unit.

God, I hate that place.

So now I'm wishing I never told anyone that I attempted suicide in my dorm room last December. Maybe I wouldn't be in this mess. Or at least not this big of a mess.

I'm not as down as this post probably conveys. Just pensive.

[HabitualQuitter]

I can completely understand where you are. I've been on AD's for a long time, and probably almost all of them. Then I get the BP dx and have been through some real crap in a short time (4 months) with these meds. I've been on some hard stuff, had to wean off of multiple drugs (some at the same time due to allergic reactions or hallucinations or other crazy side effects). I often wonder if it's all worth it. I feel like if I know my dx, can't I just manage my condition without meds? Right now I am not even on a mood stabilizer and I don't see my new pdoc until July 2nd. I've been up, up, up totally hypo since the 15th or so. I need something to balance me out, I embarrass myself. I have no filter, I say things wrong, I am antisocial, and all of those characteristics aren't familiar to me. I was never this was until now. I don't know if I am better off on meds or not. I question it everyday. It's hard. Just want you to know that you are not alone.

[comicgeek007]

So far I've only had to stop two (Trazedone and Seroquel). Trazedone because it was making me too stoned to function and screwing with my blood pressure, Seroquel because it was making me start to gain weight fast.

I'd like to switch or discontinue Zoloft, because I still get deep depressions and I'm afraid it may have had a role to play in my being in mania for a while.

[~Christina]

Pretty much everyone that gets put on medications are in a crisis of some sort and at that point its just about getting a person stable so that they can get there feet back under them, start learning healthy ways to manage stress, learn coping skills, learning triggers and how to manage them, Sleep issues if need be, etc( long list)

Being on Medications is nothing to feel bad about. Will you be on them forever ? Who knows. Right now its just about getting you stable. I would imagine you could have numerous med changes ( everyone does )

You have been all over the place mood wise lately. No one can feel good about anything when your in these kinds of mood swings.

I do think once you start to level out you will realize you have options and no treatment has to be life long.

Hang in there

[HabitualQuitter]

I know this isn't my thread but your reply Christina, was very helpful to me. Thank you. You help to make sense of things. I was upset about those first meds I was on inpatient, but now I realize they were trying to stabilize me, and that meds will need to be adjusted a lot, it makes it easier.

[comicgeek007]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Pretty much everyone that gets put on medications are in a crisis of some sort and at that point its just about getting a person stable so that they can get there feet back under them, start learning healthy ways to manage stress, learn coping skills, learning triggers and how to manage them, Sleep issues if need be, etc( long list)

Being on Medications is nothing to feel bad about. Will you be on them forever ? Who knows. Right now its just about getting you stable. I would imagine you could have numerous med changes ( everyone does )

You have been all over the place mood wise lately. No one can feel good about anything when your in these kinds of mood swings.

I do think once you start to level out you will realize you have options and no treatment has to be life long.

Hang in there

Thanks, Christina.

So even though my first meds didn't really stabilize me (I think they sent me into hypo when I first started them).

I would like to at least be stable enough to do decently in college, though. That's a short-term goal I have.

Maybe this temp t appointment will go okay on friday.

[BipolaRNurse]

Oh, honey, can I ever relate to your struggle with medications.......Even now, after being treated for 15 months I STILL wonder if it's all worth it. All the adjustments, tweaks, changes, discontinuations and restarts---it's a huge pain in the posterior, and my moods typically change as often as my meds do. I never know how I'm going to respond to anything. There are even times when I consider just stopping everything and letting the chips fall where they may.

BUT......then I get to thinking about where I was 15 months ago, as opposed to the insight I've gained and the understanding I have now, and I realize that I have those things because my illness is being treated. Frankly, I wonder if I'd have survived at all if I hadn't accepted help when I did. I'd been bumping along through life with this beast and hadn't even known what was wrong, but in December of 2011 a couple of traumatic experiences that occurred within days of each other sent my world literally spinning off its axis, never to return to that same place again.

I didn't know it then, but that was when I tipped over into full-blown illness. And I've had a lot of trouble accepting the fact that I will have this thing for the rest of my life and will always need medications to control it. Not everyone does; some people do fine with diet, supplements, herbal remedies and the like, and they never really need prescribed meds unless an emergency arises. And some take meds for awhile, wean off, then restart them as their mood swings and life circumstances dictate.

Of course, most MH professionals prefer to use a combination of medications and therapy to manage bipolar disorder because that's what they know how to do, and most of the science tends to bear out the drugs' effectiveness in certain situations.

But ultimately, the decision of whether or not to take meds is up to the individual, and that decision deserves to be respected even if it would be in one's best interests to allow oneself to be medicated.

Only you can make up your mind. Just be sure you are informed before you do so, and remember that there is no shame in needing medication to function in a relatively normal fashion. Lots of people do, even celebrities and political leaders, and if it makes you feel better to look at a Catherine Zeta-Jones or a Jane Pauley and know that they too need to take psychiatric meds, there's nothing wrong with that either.

Best of luck to you, no matter what you decide to do.

I just take em and forget em. that's my motto. I forgot the other day in the morning to take my meds, and my anxiety went through the roof. I had to run back home to take them, then I felt the medicated version of better that is me.

I'll take that version. just take em and forget em really, what else can you do?

[Faraway tree]

I try not to think about it. When I started taking meds I set myself a deadline of how long I'd give them a decent go for. I think it was six months. Anyway, it took ages to get the dose right but now it's been a year and I'm going better then I have before, which is good.

When I think "ew I don't want this stuff in my body" I just ignore the thought and take them anyway. Usually after that I chill out again anyways (happily medicated) and don't care anymore.

It took me 12 years of mood swings and 7 years of knowing I had bipolar before I decided to try meds though, I found the concept awful before that. It would be extra hard if t had not been my choice too.