[wildflowerchild25]

ugh. i have been struggling hard for a few days now. i am crushed by anxiety and depression. i don't know what to do. i have a pdoc appt on tuesday so at least there's that. but i feel horrible. i feel like i can't breathe right now. i took half a klonopin to help calm me down but i don't know if it will work. i can't take a whole one because i'm med sensitive and that will put me to sleep in no time.

i just want relief. i want to cut myself but i can't do that because my husband will be pissed as hell.

i felt best on the 15mgs of abilify but i can't deal with the side effects.

maybe i shouldn't have quit IOP but that was too much for me. I couldn't handle going to work and then going there for three hours afterwards.

i just hope it gets better soon. seems like there's a lot of pain on the board recently. i hope we can all make it.

[bluewave7]

Heres a breathing technique my case worker showed me in the ER when I couldn't breath and was starting to pass out. Breath in through your nose. Breathe out a longer breath through your mouth. Focus on an object while doing this. Make your out breath longer than your in breath and just taper it out. This kept me from hyperventilating when I was having a psychotic panic attack. It works, it really does. Also keep telling yourself that you are safe.

[wildflowerchild25]

Thank you for that, I will try it!

[intergalactictraveler]

This might sound so simplistic but it's point to is get your mind off of how miserable you're feeling at the moment; watch a funny or inspirational movie, new or old. I spend most of my days watching movies or television(Doctor Who or House). If you have Netflix or one of the other online film sites, find a film maybe you've watched a dozen times and watch it again. 'The Natural' is a film I never tire of. 'Harvey' with Jimmy Stewart. The Marx Brothers. Smokey and The Bandit. But don't spend your time deep in your head. It will only add to your despair and desperation. I know that because I am there, now and I'm doing exactly what I'm advising you to do.

Yes, I see may posts from people who, at the moment, are hurting and scared. We have to force ourselves to get out of our heads for awhile. It's a never ending battle but we all have our victorious moments.

[wildflowerchild25]

Thanks! I watched Harry potter lol. I don't feel better but I don't feel worse. Also I forced myself to do my chores so I wouldn't feel bad about being lazy on top of everything else.

[EBD8]

I know this is probably not the right spot but here is a oldie but goldie movie that I thought was hilarious. " What About Bob" With Bill Murray and Richard Dryfess.

[middlepath]

OHHhhh...i can add a couple of funny movies to the list: The Wedding Singer and Step Brothers.

Also, can you take up something crafty like jewelery making or beading/crocet/knitting? I started making Mala's (buddhist bracelets) and it takes my mind away to a better place sometimes.

sorry you are struggling right now. big hugs.

[intergalactictraveler]

Wildflowerchild, watched George Carlin in concert from 2008. My wife thought I was crying but I was laughing my head off. EBD8, 'What About Bob' is great and so is 'Where The Buffalo Roam' about Hunter S. Thompson. And of course 'Animal House' and 'The Blues Brothers." One more; 'That Thing You Do'. Just keep truckin', wildflower. As my dad used to tell me, "And this to shall pass."

[wildflowerchild25]

It's so hard to make it through work today. Part of me hopes that I get hospitalized tomorrow when I see the pdoc even though I know that's the worst thing I could do to my family. I am so crushed. I just want to crawl into my coworker's office and cry. I know she will let me but then I have to face my students. I just want everything to be over. I don't want to keep going like this and it always seems to come back. I hurt myself even though I know that will just make everything worse. I wish I could talk to my therapist. I can't do this today. I wish I had time to take off tomorrow. It's so heavy. I feel so heavy and dull and dead already. I wish I were dead. Everything would be so much better for everyone. I know that's not true. I just wish it were.

Didn't want to make a whole new post and clutter up the board.

[intergalactictraveler]

wildflowerchild, I'm dealing with the same thoughts, finding myself crying more often. But then I get angry; not mindless anger, but anger over my clueless wife whom I've devoted 21 years of my life, only to get kicked in the 'nads, repeatedly(metaphoric), angry at the medical system that can only think in one dimension, angry at being held prisoner by an illness that no one seems to know how to treat. I read of a Soviet writer who was jailed by Stalin and was in a gulag for 30 years and he said what kept him going was his anger towards Stalin and the mindless oppression. He got out when he was 89. Anger can be good when it's channeled towards survival. Survive. Don't give in.

[faerie_moon_x]

Hang in there, WFC. Make sure you tell your doctor how you feel no matter what it always is coming back on you. That's pretty important.

You'll make it through the day. I know how hard it can be to get through when all you want to do is crawl under your desk and hide. but, you'll get through. Everything will be okay.