There is no damn point!

There just isn't.

Maybe there isn't any point, but we can always make one up!

Sorry that you're feeling hopeless though

Hugs to you, sis.

i am thinking the same... i have been forced into this virtual prison of bipolar and depression.... in last three years i haven't lived my life the way i wanted to... all these restrictions... i haven't had good laugh.. haven't visited any new places.. or made new friends... i haven't visited other countries or learned new language... i am just wasting my life minute by minute... and every day feels like a year... and lets just not talk about money, i have barely enough but not so much that i could do anything fun like go backpacking or something... gosh! when will these bad times end ?????

I vote for making one up! Someone should start a poll and we can see which "point" wins and then we all just go for that!!

Really sorry you're suffering so much sis I honestly wish I could carry it for you

I love you muchness, you know that right? You're my real live hero, you will kick lifes butt in a pair of hot heels, and she won't even realize before its too late, because she'll be staring at your fantastic shoes!

((((((((((Christina)))))))))) My hero, The Warrior Goddess Incarnate

Except on some people's heads! jk that's so mean of me.
I WANT you to feel better wanting vs hoping - James' excellent advice of word choices.

Maybe there is a point, it's just a very dull one

Sometimes the point is hard to see. Maybe it is so faint that it is unrecognizable today. It is my hope that tomorrow may bring a new outlook and maybe the point will be accessible again. It really sucks to be down. been there too frequently. Im sorry you are going through this.

Hugs to you, Christina. Even with the fine qualities and insights you possess, you, like everyone of us, hits the wall, says WTF is the use of it all, crawl or creep through another brain fog day or you're cruising with the Stealth bombers at 50 or 60.000 feet. Life isn't easy and life isn't fair. Life just 'is'. And each of us with this illness, tries desperately to find some meaning, some sense, some purpose for what we go through day after day after day. It doesn't matter if we have someone who loves us in a way we thought we'd never be loved or we're alone, keeping the world at arms length, lest we go off into deep space with Doctor Who.

Just now, I was saying to my wife that if my next med fails, maybe I'll go to California and find a top shelf psychiatrist who's knowledgeable about marijuana because for the past two days, I've been eating lots of Klonopin and I feel so utterly sick and dysfunctional. To be specific, I don't know what the damn point is. The only way I know how to live is no matter how many times life knocks me down, I get back up because I know that if I don't get back up, game over.

Here are reason why I dont give a damn anymore.

I go to the Er about a possible drug reaction to a new psych med ( Saphris). Smugbastard ER doctor seems more concerned that I was there over 3 years ago asking to be admitted to Psych ward because of being suicidal. WTF ? The Nurse and her flunky "new nurse" can't get a GD EKG so hey lets leave the patient ( me) lying there naked, Yeah don't worry about the fact that I have Huge body issues and this process is killing me.

Smugbastard demands a drug test .. why ??? Because I am Bipolar and god only knows what the F I am taking ( his words)

Sure new nurse go ahead and dig around in my arm to insert an IV , keep digging because I have 3 veins that a blind service dog could find. No really go for the vein that touch my bones, you F'in idiot.

Smugbastard comes back and decided in all his epic glory that I am having Asthma problems....

Asthma ? really? I have had asthma for 20 years Of course It's asthma even though its NOT f'in Asthma , why because I know it isn't.

Meanwhile my Husband is sitting there looking nervous, why ? hell if i know ! maybe it's because obviously I am getting a tad pissy being used as a f'in dummy. Does he speak up for me ? Nope

Oh and the best part ... Smugbastard decided to "let me " have Ativan .. So I will calm down !!!! WTF ! I said are you GD kidding me I have stronger meds to take at home and I don't get treated like s!hit to take it.

Yes I am furious Yes I am pissed Yes I hate the whole damn world.

In fact I have a bottle of Peach Schnapps with my name on. With any hope I will drink so much I wind up back in that smug bastards ER and vomit all over his 800.00 tie .

Total fkn idiots. F k him and his tie. Drug test you when you've come for help what jerks. Test the drug levels you're asking about. How do these idiots get to work in ER. And steal our money. I've been kicked out of ER speaking up for my adolescent son, ignored, evil eyed. They really get away with acting that way it's disgusting. And sounds like you left with no help or answers at all. Screw em they'll get theirs. You should not have been treated that way.

What a horrible experience that sounds like! I'm sorry you had to put up with that bulls***!

So sorry you had to go thru that. Geez what an ***** that guy was. I would be livid if that happened to me! I just don't understand people, what is the point in being so cruel? Makes me hate our medical system, they are supposed to help you, not make you feel even worse!

I did some research and its been well documented that smugbastard-phd is a breed of severerly dangerous Rabid Dog, prognosis?

All these types of smugbastards should be put down on sight!!!!

Omfw!!! Now I have to kiss your pinky ring or something because how you managed to not throttle him (even verbally) is mindblowing fkn amazing!!!

Ughhh I wasn't even there and I'm mad as hell that you were subjected to that!

Idk what to say sis, but I'm sending you gentle comforting hugs and positive vibes.

please ...yes there is please
I know you are hurting it wears you down to nothing and even less than.

I feel a bit the same today so I just go 'dumb robot' and 'dumb robot' is painful...it burns oh it burns!



I don't even know what I'm on about Christina but that doesn't matter ...
you are a reason enough

(after thought)....hmmm it might help if I actually read what you meant? ..I just seen the words and kinda panic a bit... and the more I think and the more I say the dumber I feel... yaaa, I'm sorry I didn't have something more productive my brain is like mash potato today all gloopy

Aw Christina, you don't have to let some numbnuts ER doc make you feel like something he scraped off the bottom of his shoe. He doesn't deserve to live rent-free in your head! I'm sorry all this happened to you, but karma is a brass-plated b!tch and she'll nail his @$$ one day. You can count on it.

I'm so sorry you were treated that way. I have had a similar experience in the ER (went for cuts and he didn't even tie the stitches). People suck. We love you though.

One word that strikes fear into doctors: lawsuit. As Joseph Kennedy told his sons, "Don't get mad, get even." And I'm serious. Most malpractice lawyers, if not all, work on contingency, so no upfront money. Forget the Peach Schnapps. SUE THEM!

What a *&%^$ ER experience you had to go through. I hope you are feeling better. How are you? What happened with Saphris? I've heard of it but haven't taken it. Take care.

Yeah, ERs can really suck. I'm sorry you had to go through that.

When I went to the hospital a couple weeks ago, b/c I needed to be admitted to the psych ward, they were actually nice to me. The nurse sat and talked to me for like 20 mins. They made me get into a gown though and it was too small. Then they did all these tests. Which really confused me, like why would they have to take blood, I'm just suicidal and need sleep. The dr finally rolled in around 12, after I had been there 3 hrs. They finally admitted me to the psych ward at 4 am. I think this was the best treatment I've had in the ER. I've had some really bad experiences too, so I understand where you're coming from.

They always treat you like s*** when you go in for pain. Like you're just a drug seeker. I only go when I can't walk. I just need a shot of dilaudid, and most of the time they won't give it to me. They just give me hydrocodone, which does nothing when you can't walk.

I hope your pain level is not too high today. It always sucks when it's over a 7.

Oh sis, I hope you're better today. Stupid ER doctor. I'd report him for his conduct. There's bad bedside manner and then there is down right prejudice and rude. That comment of "she has bipolar who knows what she's on," that's completely wrong to say that....



I wonder if your Smugbastard MD is related to the Smugbastard MD who gave me scarlet fever when I was 20 because he refused to do a throat culture because "you're too old for strep throat." (Not realizing I'm one of those folks that contracts every type of strep under the sun if it's less than 100 yards from me. I'm so lucky!)

Sorry to derail:

Who on earth says that you can't get strep throat after age 20?!?!?! Last time I got it (in my early 20s) I went to the doc and he, who was old and should have been retiring because his hands were THAT shaky (he actually hurt me due to the shaky hands! He also told me I need to quit smoking - I don't smoke!!!) and when he finally really looked at my throat informed me that it was the worst case of strep throat he'd ever seen.

If you can get strep throat over the age of 18, you are an anomoly, actually. I had an excellent GP for a long time who recently retired, but he explained it all to me when I told him about my scarlet fever. I get all types of things like Strep G, have you ever heard of Strep G?

So, I can even get strep from animals! Hahaha.....

Anyway, having a strep anomoly is not that uncommon.

I want to thank all of you

To be honest I am still mad , livid and pissed off.

Everything they did wrong or impossibility stupid I let them know in very easy to understand words. I know that eventually this anger will fade, fade but not forgotten.

I finally let go of the anger I had at my husband over his non-reaction to it all. He has always just done as the doctors orders, never questions things. Where as I have no problem questioning why certain tests are needed or why aren't they being done.

I don't think I was treated lousy just because of Bipolar, I just think that many Doctors have the " god complex" They can all kiss my ***** , We all put our pants on the same way. They are no better than anyone else. I think I should step off my soap box now.

Thanks everyone ! Your support means so much

Hey Christina,
I'm sorry that I am just checking up on you. I haven't made it to the boards in the past couple of days. Your stupid ER people! I don't know if the people in your area feel they have a right to be condescending, but it is all so unfair to patients! I am in the south, too, but luckily I am in a metropolitan area (Raleigh/Durham) so our doctors are not usually a-holes, and if so, there are many other choices. In general, though, I think ERs suck-do you have any mental hospitals nearby?
We all love you, Christina, and I hope it gets better soon!
Bluemountains