I feel normal until they analyze me!

I will admit that I need meds, and I take them. Meanwhile, I feel like I am doing just fine until I talk to my t and my pdoc. Evidently I am a very anxious person because I have occasional panic attacks, but I have learned to mentally talk myself out of them. Also, I am depressed because I love sleep. I nap all of the time. I don't feel depressed when I nap, but my t tells me it is a symptom of worsening depression. I am avoiding life.
All of this is probably true, but I feel like I am pulling it together pretty well. I asked for verbal report from my t today so that I can share with my pdoc next week because she expects t input. The t asked if I wanted to sign a release so that she could call the pdoc with the info. All of this makes me think I am missing something and I might actually have problems that I don't know about!
Unless I tell friends, no one can identify that I am having all of these problems, so I am wondering if I need to drop all of it! Maybe I need to live with my normal.
My t also told me that I am a deep thinker and sometimes I over analyze situations in my life. Yes, my mind is constantly working, but I am drugged for this, so I don't know what else to do. I don't want to add to my drugs, if anything I would like to figure out ways to decrease these.

My thoughts are that if I am still diagnosed with problems having all of this treatment, maybe I should come up with a different plan. Btw, I have great insurance and maybe this helps with the dx!

Bluemountains

Blue

Is this T new? I remember you saying something about a new one.

Sent you a PM

I can relate, even though it was a while back.... Drs and T's always made me feel like I'm worse off than I thought

I could elaborate, but I would probably end up hijacking, basically, it's why I sought a different model of management. I'm still working on my model though, I'm hoping to incorporate yoga and take up dancing again as exercise, but these need money which I will hopefully have in not too long....

No advice though, sorry BM but I do empathize

I think the trick is to remember that the instability in moods and depression is rooted in a problem with brain chemistry. You know how you feel and it is not for anybody to tell you how you feel. if you feel that taking meds will help then do so. I find that keeping a blog and writing down my thoughts and feelings helps to get them out of my system. The reason is that you are forced to analize what you are feeling and thinking in such a way that you think through it very clearly. You are also then able to look back over days, weeks and months and look at how you saw things then and how you see them now. I find that looking back this way help me a lot because I am able to resolve current issues in relation to previous issues. Our memories are just too unreliable to do this mentally.

Hey Trippin,
I admire your dedication to staying healthy! When I read your posts about your dedication, it makes me want to be more diligent about exercise. Lately I have been in a funk about this commitment. I promised my kids I would play tennis with them this evening. I hope I don't use excuses to avoid it!
Bluemountains

I think we're all normal because there is no normal. We're just a lot more intensely normal than some other people we may know. Normal for me, that's a term I'm trying to learn to embrace. This is normal for me. Times I should worry is when it's not normal for me.

I know how it feels to feel like an alien, or a freak, or something... I've felt that most of my life.

LOL! nobody I know irl would say anything remotely like that about me. Why? Well because I eat what I want and eating what I dont want for extended periods make me aggro, so when I have a *****fit its because I'm spoilt...

I hate exercise and hardly sleep, everyone (including myself) thinks I should be more active...

Buuut, the plan is this. Yoga and dance for exercise, because when I had dance as a HS school subject I was toned, fit and I enjoyed the shyt out of it, didn't feel like a workout even though it was torturous at times, I was proud of my sore stiff muscles!

Yoga because I'm dead sure I'll like it and will help with centering myself.

Also in summer I would like to start rollerblading again, or take up kickboxing but that's negotiable...

I already dabble with herbal teas, a ginger menthol mix for when I'm aggitated so badly I'm sick to my stomach and can't eat, some chamomile to help me relax when the anxiety has my skin crawling.

So far though, I don't do half as much as I'd like due to financial constraints, but atleast the plan is formulated.

So while I'm flattered by your words, I really don't have it down past being dedicated to what I want to do.

I'm sure tennis will be great

OMG, Trippin! If you aren't active enough, then I must be a slug!!!!
I did play tennis. I actually wanted to play longer, but my kids gave out.

At least you have a plan! I have great aspirations to do the "Couch to 5K" this summer, and I already have mastered the couch part-now I need motivation to get outside! Maybe my tightening shorts will act as a reminder.

Oops, away from the topic-I am back to my normal today since I had no appointments.


Bluemountains

Being up 20 hrs a day is apparantly insufficient my family says I need "activities" beside work. Have 2 weeks of rest though

The "couch to 5k" sounds like am admiral goal. I hope you find the motivation!

On of my best friends is a substance abuse counselor, and she told me on our recent fishing trip something that really caught me off guard. First she doesn't think I'm bipolar, but then she has never seen me manic. (Thank God! ) And secondly that diagnoses in the mental health field are a matter of opinion. She went on to explain, that most of the diagnoses made are based on self reports by patients. However, in my case, my pdoc at the time, treating me for depression, watched me cycle 3 or 4 times w/ in 2 hours. Well, that was back in 2001, and every pdoc, and t I've seen since have all said Bipolar 1, however, they have thrown in a few others, PTSD (I kinda agree. ) and BPD maybe.

Who knows? All I know is that the therapy and the meds help me to function everyday.