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#676
Aug 27, 2013, 12:35 PM
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My night-bus home after my flight was tiring. And yet, I think I slept better than I did at my friends.
Spent most of yesterday feeling sick (well the last few days actually) due to stress. I am glad to have my cat and my bed back, but my flat is a pigsty and I've dumped everything out and am too tired to put it all away promptly. Also, I think I need more clothes hangers. Still feeling miserable, but at least I did a bit of work today - namely, I typed up my year plan. I also need to get groceries.
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"The time has come, the Walrus said, to talk of many things. Of shoes, of ships, of sealing wax, of cabbages, of kings! Of why the sea is boiling hot, of whether pigs have wings..." "I have a problem with low self-esteem. Which is really ridiculous when you consider how amazing I am. |
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#677
Aug 27, 2013, 01:15 PM
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Had shouting in my head on and off last few days. Trying to not indulge in thoughts that want me to hurt myself. I guess i am a little miserable. drinking never a good sign, smoking, pot, happy for a little bit. actually at this moment feeling a little wretched. Oh well
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 Margolomania
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#678
Aug 27, 2013, 02:41 PM
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Another day of waking up wide awake with less than 3 hours of sleep - going on 2.5 weeks of this. I immediately felt sad and frustrated because this wasn't over with, but once my little crying fit ended I noticed I was actually feeling a lot better. That mean, self-loathing voice in my head isn't dishing out the usual barrage of insults. My thoughts have slowed down and my mind seems about as crystal clear as it gets. The energy has died down and I'm no longer constantly jumping out of my seat in a flurry of restless activity. I'm focusing better.
Yet my alert mind doesn't match up with my exhausted body. I wouldn't describe what I feel as tiredness; it kind of feels like my body has partially shut down and I don't have full control of it. I'm not intoxicated, but I can't walk in a straight line and I'm bumping into everything like I am. I had a dizzy spell where my knees gave in and I fell this morning. At least I don't feel miserable anymore. Hoping this is a sign that I'm coming out of this and my sleep just hasn't caught up yet. |
| Mollywisk
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#679
Aug 27, 2013, 04:07 PM
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I am unsure of myself lately.
I am determined to get this all under control but its a bit elusive. All I can do is keep at it. |
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#680
Aug 27, 2013, 04:07 PM
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In two hours I'm going to get a belly button and industrial barbel piercing! Other than my lab partner being a complete moron, my day has been great!
__________________
Bipolar 2 (in remission), anorexia (in remission), and trichotillomania, also have conversion disorder that seems to be rearing its ugly head again. 100mg Lamictal |
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#681
Aug 27, 2013, 04:13 PM
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Woke up to another uneventful day. My life is so boring and meaningless. I wish I had something to do.
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Tales of Love, Motivation, and An Interesting Journey - Please Subscribe to my Website on WordPress: Inspired Odyssey's Journey of Grace, Grit and Starting Again |
| Anonymous37807, Anonymous53876
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#682
Aug 27, 2013, 04:16 PM
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Quote:
 Take some paper, sketch an article of clothing (doesn't have to be super artsy, you just need to have the basic idea) and then research how you would go about drafting the pattern. I love making costumes so I've been doing this a lot lately.
__________________
Bipolar 2 (in remission), anorexia (in remission), and trichotillomania, also have conversion disorder that seems to be rearing its ugly head again. 100mg Lamictal |
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#683
Aug 28, 2013, 12:52 AM
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Avoided doing anything meaningful yet again.
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#684
Aug 28, 2013, 01:57 AM
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Did two chores that were the on my to- do list for weeks. Did some little things; baby steps are all. Going to build on the baby steps tomorrow I hope. I really long to be like other people who aren't subject to depression.
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BPII- diagnosed 8.5.13 Trazadone Celexa Lorazepam Lamictal -titrating to 75 mg this week |
 anneo59
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#685
Aug 28, 2013, 07:46 AM
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my mini momenrts of my mixed rapid bipolar swinging around on me. have been gettin more frequent as of late. I am totally un sure as to just why the cause of all that is.
whats seems even more scary to me is I am actually learning how to cope with both my manic and depressive moments fairly well.
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Dx:OCD, AD/HD-C and ADD kinda both, General Anxiety Disorder, Separation Anxiety Disorder,Abandonment Anxiety, Cycothymic disorder, or mixed bipolar, Border Line Personality Disorder,Histonic Personality Disorder, Dependent Personality disorder, eating disorder ]Rx:Lamotrigine 25mg twice a day for my mood stablizer as well as I am on Escitalopram 10mg 1 daily, Buspirone 3 times daily 10mgs VT Student, CNA student, working HHA  for my father I think of you everyday
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| avlady
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| anneo59
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#686
Aug 28, 2013, 09:09 AM
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My sleep has been so erradic. Two nights in a row of hardly any sleep, then last night I slept from 7p to 11p then 1am to 8am. Today I feel like a nervous zombie. I think about quitting my job at least 3 times an hour every waking hour. I've been here for almost 12 years and I have medical insurance so it's not the right thing to do but I feel so frustrated here. I can be doing so many other, more productive things!
I'd love to have one normal week! |
| anneo59, avlady, kala83
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#687
Aug 28, 2013, 09:20 AM
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Went to the dentist finally and he said I have something like TMJ and possibly an abscessed tooth. He gave me antibiotics to see if it would help. I really need to get the tooth removed, but it has to be surgically removed cause there's a big hole in it. ugh.
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| anneo59, avlady, gayleggg
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#689
Aug 28, 2013, 01:07 PM
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Making adjustments to my sleep schedule is not going well.
Oh I am sleeping, but waking up with different issues each day. Damn mental illness. I though I had this all figured out yesterday. |
| avlady, Patsy Cline
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#690
Aug 28, 2013, 01:30 PM
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First day on Seroquel. Slept well last night was still sleep when I got up and most of the morning. I'm finally starting wake up.
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Bipolar I, Depression, GAD Meds: Zoloft, Zyprexa, Ritalin "Each morning we are born again. What we do today is what matters most." -Buddha  |
| avlady
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#691
Aug 28, 2013, 01:41 PM
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Originally posted this in the WRONG THREAD (so that I think in itself shows you how my state of mind is BLANK!)
Last night, after having the night before be on a nightbus.... I slept for a whopping 12 hours solid! It was so nice to be back in my own bed! Utterly and totally unmotivated though. I went in to school only because I'd told a friend I would. Muddled around in my classroom a little bit, and am now home for the afternoon. I seriously need to put away my clothes and have a shower... yet... here I am on the couch doing NOTHING AT ALL!
__________________
"The time has come, the Walrus said, to talk of many things. Of shoes, of ships, of sealing wax, of cabbages, of kings! Of why the sea is boiling hot, of whether pigs have wings..." "I have a problem with low self-esteem. Which is really ridiculous when you consider how amazing I am. |
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#692
Aug 28, 2013, 01:46 PM
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Quote:
I hate it when I have things "under control" for a while and then out of the blue, with no warning at all, I'm a mess. I'm currently trying to get myself out of this latest let down. I hope you get better soon. 
__________________
Guns aren't lawful, nooses give, gas smells awful, you might as well live- Dorothy Parker |
| Anonymous53876
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#693
Aug 28, 2013, 05:34 PM
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The more I read and research bi polar the more I see how it affected my life when I had no idea that is what it was. I mean I can see now where I assumed 2 manic episodes for sure and now I am suspect of a couple more. I have exibited some incredibly erratic behavior in my life and now I am beginning to understand what may have happened. I am glad my T is on board with me to filter thru my life and figure this all out.
But then all I think is wow...if I had just bothered to figure this out 5, 10, 20 years ago...my gosh could I have had a better life?!? Surely I could have avoided some of the hell and pain I have experienced and caused! |
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#694
Aug 28, 2013, 05:36 PM
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Oh and the other thing I am pondering....maybe the bi polar explains why I have had waves of porn "addiction" and then no desire for it at all. So maybe I am actually NOT a sex addict, it's just the bi polar thing workin on me? Questions questions...gotta find the answers!
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#695
Aug 28, 2013, 06:10 PM
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Quote:
 And hey... porn is a whole lot healthier than going out and taking a lot of risks!
__________________
"The time has come, the Walrus said, to talk of many things. Of shoes, of ships, of sealing wax, of cabbages, of kings! Of why the sea is boiling hot, of whether pigs have wings..." "I have a problem with low self-esteem. Which is really ridiculous when you consider how amazing I am. |
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#696
Aug 29, 2013, 08:25 AM
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My jaw is hurting non stop now, and it's starting to piss me off. I just feel so angry. I'm going to my pdoc next week and I'm going to ask him if any of my meds would make my jaw hurt. It started hurting around the time I started Latuda, so maybe it's that. I really don't know. I just want some relief.
In other news, I walked 2 miles last night and my husband came with me. We talked about the state of anime and about how most of it isn't worth watching. I'm kinda watching Death Note when I have time, but over the weekend I was watching Full Metal Alchemist Brotherhood, and got through about 15 episodes. I've already seen it, but I like it, so I'm watching it again. I need a new anime to watch with giant robots. 
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| deelooted
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#697
Aug 29, 2013, 08:54 AM
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Feeling slightly depressed and not sleeping well. But my air conditioner broke and it was 87 in my apartment yesterday. Whew!
I have a very busy day beginning with an appointment with my therapist at 8:30. I'm going to get a membership with the local chapter of the Canadian Mental Health Association (CMHA). The membership is free, and allows me to go to the YMCA for only $20 a month. I want to go swimming and use their stationary bikes after surgery to get back into shape. Then I have to go shopping. I hate shopping but I have no fruit of veggies in the house.
__________________
Dx: BP2 with GAD and OCD Seroquel 100 mg Risperdal 0.5 mg Clonazepam (Klonopin) 1.5 mg Buspar 5 mg Lamictal 200 mg Coversyl Plus for high blood pressure Crestor for high cholesterol Asmanex Ventolin  |
| deelooted
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#698
Aug 29, 2013, 01:38 PM
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very quietly, paranoidly panicking, not concentrating, uncomfortable racing heart, hot and cold spiders up my spine, heart heavy and starting to spin, keeping normal and feeling manipulated by the universe.
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| Anonymous45023, Anonymous53876
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#699
Aug 29, 2013, 03:54 PM
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OK get ready to laugh at me.....
I had no idea it ever got hot enough in Canada to get an apartment to 87degrees. So this is the latest freaky development. I have gone from crazy anxiety the last few days to full on hypo...I mean I am WAO (wide a@@ open) and couldn't sleep right now to save my life. My heart is racing and I have no idea how I am going to sleep before work tonight. |
| deelooted
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#700
Aug 29, 2013, 04:15 PM
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Yesterday it was 38 C here which is 100 F. Hot hot hot. I feel like I'm back in AZ.
Sent from my Note 2 using Tapatalk 4
__________________
Dx: BP2 with GAD and OCD Seroquel 100 mg Risperdal 0.5 mg Clonazepam (Klonopin) 1.5 mg Buspar 5 mg Lamictal 200 mg Coversyl Plus for high blood pressure Crestor for high cholesterol Asmanex Ventolin |
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