[HabitualQuitter]

I don't know how many of you read my blog post in the thread titled Falling Apart but there's a part two.

So my sister had planned to go out of town for a church thing with her two oldest children and to leave her youngest with a friend (which I thought was messed up - I just figured she'd stay here. She's only five and ever stayed the night with me and two nights is a long time when you are little.) Anyway, this morning as she was packing up she texts me that her youngest daughter puked. Then she asked if I would keep her. I said no. And that basically ended our relationship. I have three children and two grown men who live here. It's not just me. That's exposing 5 people to a stomach virus that her friend's kids have already had! That's where my niece picked it up (and she's aware of this). Then she tries to tell me that if she doesn't go that my oldest daughter can't go cause she's driving her. I had to double check on that one and yep - there were three minivans going with plenty of room for my sister my kid and her two kids to ride. So I text my sister telling her there is room for her kids even if she can't go, trying to help in any way I could ya know. She replied F*** you! I was baffled.

Everyone has been there, having a sick kid, sometimes you just have to sit things out because it's part of being a parent, kids get sick and sometimes we miss out on things. But instead of taking care of her responsibility to her child she tells me that my niece was crying for me (instead of her friend) and I told her no. She tells me how she wishes that just once she could count on me to be there for her like she is ALWAYS there for me. She tells me that she's the only reason my daughter is going to the event (because she told me about it). And it just goes on and on. I was supposed to let out&in and feed her dog while she is gone. I told her she needed to make other arrangements for her dog. She asked, "Are you kidding me?" I told her that she wouldn't have said F*** you to anyone else if they said no to keeping her vomiting child. And I didn't appreciate that sh**.

I told her that her daughter was crying for me because she wanted her mother who was leaving her while she was sick and instead of being a grown up and taking care of her child she was trying to guilt me and make me feel bad. It was more than I could stomach when she texted "We're done." Literally, I pulled over and puked I was crying so hard. I can count on one hand how many times I've said no to babysitting her kids and it's only because I had plans or they were sick. I feel awful about all of this especially because she is moving away soon and this just isn't how I thought things would be. If I'd just said yes to keeping her this never would have happened. But my sister is like this, she just hasn't gone off on me in a while - I guess cause I was saying yes. This is total BS and I have been crying ALL DAY LONG.

I did apologize to her because I felt bad about the whole situation. Her husband just left yesterday to go to his new job in another state and is staying with my mother until he finds them a place. So she doesn't have many options for childcare. I said I was sorry, but that just didn't matter. I feel like I've opened Pandora's Box.

[vjdragonfly]

HabitualQuitter

I am sorry you had to go through this. It is easy to be used by ppl and good for you for not excepting her responsibility. I am having an issue with that with my daughter. So . . . I can kinda relate to the feeling. The good thing about family, it will usually blow over. Some ppl are "spoiled" and re-act poorly when they don't get their way. It was a nice gesture for you to apologize (even though I don't believe you had anything to apologize for), the ball is in her court now. Hope she lets it go soon.

[HabitualQuitter]

Thanks. That means alot.

[Trippin2.0]

I don"t see how you were in the wrong here, but I do hope this blows over. Your sister seems extremely immature, in her actions and reactions, I hope she sees the error of her ways...

[HabitualQuitter]

The came back from the trip today. I wonder how long it will take for her to talk to me again. Or if she ever will. She didn't remove me from her Facebook account, I guess that's a good sign.

I wouldn't worry about her, Habitual Quitter. The others are right; you did only what
you could to protect your own home environment, and it was her responsibility to see
to it that her children were properly cared for. Most mothers wouldn't even think about
going on a trip with their child ill.

If I were in your shoes, I'd be happy that she didn't call again until she had grown up
a good bit and learned how to behave as an adult. Please don't "enable" her to keep
doing these things.

Stand strong and firm in your truth and your concern for the little child. Let her
see the error of her way in mothering. That may make her grow a good bit.

Peace to you; you deserve it, in my view.

[intergalactictraveler]

I've become very adept at saying 'No', even to my wife, who doesn't know how to put limits on herself, then wears herself out and gets angry at herself. You are only responsible for YOU. Friends, family, employers love to lay guilt trips so they can squeeze an extra ounce of blood from you or just manipulate you for their own selfish reasons. Rick Nelson sang, "You can't please everyone, so you've got to please yourself."

When you feel well enough to handle something, feel free to, but NEVER do something out of guilt. The only pay off for you is pain and anger.

[HabitualQuitter]

It's been 2 weeks since my sister cut me off. After week one she unfriended me on Facebook. At week 2 she sends me an email saying nothing she hasn't said about all this except to try to justify it all.

Please tell me I'm not crazy here. I think she has some Borderline issues, maybe narcisism?

(Her daughters are Raeghan and Ries. Ries was the one vomiting that I refused to keep so she could go out of town. Her husband moved to FL 2 days prior for a new job, they aren't splitting up or anything. Becky is the friend who was originally supposed to keep Ries. Nola is her dog.)

"You say you were willing to look after Nola but from my end it seemed like you were seriously put out, borderline unwilling and that really bothered me. I didn't feel like you were "just ask questions" - it's like you were looking for any way to get out of it. I even was willing to make her stay outside the whole time so it wouldn't be such an inconvenience to you and in the end I had to have Becky drive 20 minutes to come take care of her for me. Waiting until I arrived to tell me to make other arrangements was nothing short of mean. It felt like you didn't want me to be able to go.

It HURT me that you weren't willing to help me out. Rieslin wanted to go to your house, not Becky's because she didn't feel well. It didn't matter that her kids had already been exposed, all that seemed to matter was that your ego was bruised because she wasn't staying with you in the first place.

I overreacted, I already apologized for saying "**** you" whether you realized it or not. To say that I won't apologize because I "just don't do that" is unfair and hurtful. I have apologized to you MANY times. When I am wrong I admit it. I think as my sister and friend it should be pretty easy to see why I overreacted - my husband had just left and I'm essentially a single mom, I'm newly pregnant, I was trying to do something with the bigs and they would have been devastated if it got canceled (because, you know, their DAD just moved to FL the day before) and I needed support. And all you could seem to think about was how hurt you were that you I asked B to keep Ries.

I am not a bad mom for leaving Ries - I KNEW she would be ok ( and she was, she never puked again and was fine within hours) I am a good mom for making a VERY hard decision so that my Raeghan would not have been at the Ramp without me. She NEEDED me to be there, and I knew that.

When you sent me that text about Suzanne not needing my help it felt like you were trying to tell me I didn't deserve to go, and that enraged me because I just.needed.your.hel­p and you weren't willing to be there for me.

And THEN you slammed me on facebook - PUBLICLY. We both know how YOU would have felt, why then is it ok for you to do that to me?

I'm so incredibly hurt by the way you have treated me. I really need you to step back and see that I am human. Yes, you have a lot, and I hope you know I have tried to be there for you, but I have **** too, and when Ries got sick, and I wasn't sure what to do because the bigs NEEDED to go, I really needed someone to say "I got your back. We'll make this work!""

For what it's worth I never slammed her on FB. I was vaugebooking, I never mentioned her, only how I was feeling.

My response to her email was this:
I apologize if my actions hurt you. Neither of us were at our best in that whole ordeal. But I honestly didn't mean to hurt you. We really miss you and the kids. If nothing else I'd love to forget about all of this and move on even if only for their sakes. I love you. I don't feel comfortable going into detail about my side of all this in an email. Let me know if you want to talk about it. If not, I'm okay with that to. I'd love to see your face.

[sheltielover2013]

In the end, the most important thing is the well being of a vulnerable and sick child. Adults have all the power. The adults can wrangle about their rights. The child has no rights. She's the victim. I hope she ended up being ok.

[HabitualQuitter]

242 views & 5 replies. Am I *that* pathetic!??

[A Red Panda]

A lot of views plus a lack of replies doesn't mean you're pathetic! It just means that a lot of people read (or re-read) the thread during the time where you hadn't posted anything! Or that those of us who read it might not have thought of any advice for you. But it certainly doesn't mean that anyone thinks you are pathetic (and don't forget to think about all the lurkers who aren't registered and are only just reading things for now!)

I hope that your sister and you work things out for the kids' sake, but I don't really have any advice. It makes sense to not take a child last minute, even your family, when they're sick and you have other non-sick children. It doesn't sound like whatever the event was that your sister really HAD needed to be there - it sounds like a lot of the kids went without their parents and were fine, including your own! (Of course, there's an exception if her older daughter has a lot of anxiety... in which case it might have been more understandable for your sister to feel she needed to go with her). I'm sure that if you had already had your niece staying before she got sick that you might not have cancelled, even though you would have perfectly alright to do so (my mom has a home daycare, and her only main rule is that if the kid is throwing up or contagious then they can't come for the day - of course, if the kid throws up for the first time while already over my mom doesn't expect the parent to come home from work, although she will call them). But choosing to expose your children to their sick cousin? No one would do that unless it was truly an emergency!

[anxiousdove]

I haven't replied for a couple reasons...

The first, I don't feel comfortable making judgements about someone when they are not here to defend themselves. The truth is that in general when we feel we have been wronged by someone, we can sometimes retell the story of it in such a way as to support our own side, and not be general enough to give an entirely accurate reflection of what occurred. I'm not saying this is altogether an unusual thing to do. I am guilty of it myself. Thus, I don't like coming into a thread saying the other party was wrong, as I don't feel u have all the facts.

I also figured my opinion would be quite unpopular. However... If you are Ok with my honesty, here it is...

If I am to go just by what you posted, most especially after reading the message you sent between the two of you, I would say I definitely see both sides of this disagreement. While I understand you felt you were making the best decision for your family, and I respect that, I also understand her side too; and the bind she was put in to only find out you wouldn't take your niece when she showed up at your door. It's as last minute notice as you can get.

Leaving a sick child with a family member does not make someone a bad parent. Kids get sick all the time. They also get EXPOSED all the time. Their immune systems are still developing, and being children, they are not used to performing the necessary measures we as adults are used to to prevent illness. So they get sick. A LOT. O guess my point is that it's not the end of the world. Now, had she had a dangerously high fever or needed to go to the hospital I would say ENTIRELY differently. That is a different scenario.

I realize you made the decision you thought was right for your family, and that is fine and your right. I hope you can heal the relationship with your sister, because it truly sounds to me like this is one where both sides could have done a little better.

Sent from my SCH-I405 using Tapatalk 2

[HabitualQuitter]

My roomate was graduating a rehab program with a year sober that same weekend. His parents drove 800mi to be here. He planned that following week to go on vacation (already took the time off work to go). How exactly could it have been okay for me to expose him and his parents to a virus and potentially ruin all of these plans? I apologized that she felt hurt by my actions but I am NOT sorry for standing up for myself. And I did give you the facts. That's why I was so upset, she was incredibly irrational. I have three children of my own plus a husband and roomate to think about, it wasn't just exposing me. And for what it's worth my kids get sick maybe 3x a year each. Maybe. The difference is I've never nor would I ever ask her to keep my vomiting child. Whether she left her sick child or not isn't the issue here, it's that when I said no she told me to eff off. Totally uncalled for.

[~Christina]

Sometimes there just isn't fixing a situation. You had your reasons for your decisions. She has her feelings and her reaction from her side.

Who is right ? does it really matter at this point? If it becomes a pissing match on who is right and who is wrong... that just isn't going to bring about a solution.
Maybe you both need to just get over it and realize your sisters and that is what matters the most.

Is it a perfect solution ? No .. But maybe its better than beating a dead horse.

Also as far as views versus replys ... unregistered people view posts all the time they are just not allowed to reply. So.... that will indeed increase the "view" total. Responses, I know if I have no advice I don't respond. So please don't feel like you are being ignored.

[~Christina]

By what you posted it seemed like a giant cluster **** on both your parts. If you want people to agree that she was wrong to treat and react towards you the way she did ... Ok if based on what you have posted .. she was wrong. Does that help you ?

[Victoria'smom]

I posted it got lost due either to the suckiness of my computer or my internet. I can't remember at this point. This kind of crap hapends as siblings, no is a word that some siblings are adverse to and yes siblings can use there children as hostages. All you can do is wait see if it blows over and next time you say yes everything will be back to normal. Accept that as your sister is now this is all she can give and hope she decides to improve herself one day. Just be there unconditionally when you can and never expect anything in return.