[Mr. Radio]

So let me give you the setting. It's a Tuesday night and my buddy asks me if I want to meet up with him and a few friends. I figure, yea, it's good for me to continue going out and trying to be social like old times. So I arrive and I'm happy to see all of them, get warm welcomes and whatnot. My problem is, not being able to socialize. Like words and things just don't come to me like normal. I can talk in small statements or ask questions.... but I just can't socialize well.

Anyway, I'm standing in the circle and I'm quiet with nothing to say. Still I've hung out with a few of these friends since everything has happened.. So they know what to expect when around me. I continue on and the night goes on. I get a few beers in me and it doesn't do much these days.. just acts as a depressant mostly. As the time goes one I continue to be quiet and it bothers me, but I'm learning to deal. Then new people show up that I don't know. (I'm already feeling awkward with the people I haven't seen since my psychotic break) They show up and we all introduce. Fast forward towards the end of the night.

We're all at a table watching the rest of the Miami vs. San Antonio game. Then this dude turns to me while everyone is talking and asks me the ONE QUESTION YOU DON'T ASK ME! "Come on man, why aren't you being social?"

The I explode and tell him, "you don't know what I've gone through, you don't think that I wish I could be social, I use to be a different person you know, this haunts me every god damn day." Then of course everyone is apologetic and my friends get my back and say "he didn't know." I forgave him.

This is something that haunts me. I am starting to think that god did this to me on purpose. Giving me a difficult life because he wants me to notice the small things in life. I am starting to think about other things that I can do without being social... but there isn't much. There's books, games, TV, and playing sports.

Does anyone else have a social problem from a psychotic break? What should I try to to do since this doesn't seem to be getting much better? I see my doctor on Friday. I'm tired of feeling absent from social life. What is the answer? Thank you, good day, god bless your souls.

[middlepath]

I can tell you i had a VERY deep depression that ended up delusional when I hit the floor. Once I came out of it, it has taken me 6 months and meds to regain some of my previous functioning, social and otherwise. I feel like i am at the stage of attempting social interaction again. It feels awkward and forced and i have to fight every urge in my body to not run away and hide. I am doing the best I can and I am trying to give myself some credit for every time I put myself in an uncomfortable situation because it is freakin' hard. I am so sorry for what you are going through and for the fact that you have to answer questions about it when in social settings. I completely applaud you for putting yourself out there even though it was a hard thing to do. I am doing my very best to not withdraw and isolate (my m.o. when the going gets rough). Just know you are not the only one fighting the battle. I am sorry you are going through it too.

[Dylanzmama]

The only comfort I can give you is that it takes time. How long has it been? It's been 3 yrs for me and I'm only now getting glimpses of my old self.
My psychotic break shook me to the core in the faith dept., too. Since I got out of my 2 1/2 month stay at a hospital my son was diagnosed with autism, my mom died and I've been disowned by the rest of my family, so it might be taking me longer than it should.
Hang in there. If I am, you have to,too!

[Nessa213]

I've had social issues pretty much my whole life but it goes in and out episodically, really and not really from a particular psychotic break.

I'm sure part of you exploded like that because all you were thinking the WHOLE night was how frustrated you were with yourself, and you're mulling around in your head... repeating to yourself how much you wish you could just be like everyone else and have a great time. (At least... that's what goes through MY head when I'm in that situation.) So when the guy asked you "why you weren't being social", you were only verbalizing what you'd been thinking for HOURS to yourself. (Again... that's how it would have been if it would have been me.) Also, I'm really bad around new people too, even if I AM in a social mood. I can sympathize completely.

I wish I had an answer for you on how to be more social. If I knew I would most certainly tell you. But if I'm in that state I personally withdraw from everything until the feeling goes away because I really don't know how to force myself to be social. Sometimes I can fake my way through. At least to pretend to laugh when everyone else laughs. I'm also "lucky" that I have a nervous smile, so if I'm in an uncomfortable situation I'll smile or laugh even.

I'm sorry that you're having a hard time with it. I'm sure it's a million times worse since it's coming after a psychotic break.

[Sometimes psychotic]

First you went out...that's half the battle right there. I had a psychotic break but I wouldn't say I'm worse socially since then, it's more like I've always been poor socially. Cbt helped me overcome some of the negative thoughts I was having about myself so I'm a little bit better now but most of my socializing is typically one on one. I find it easier. Are you having any trouble reading social cues like emotions? One of the things that can happen is that you can't read people's eyes as well after psychosis it's similar to autism. I tested myself not long after my break and was performing at an average level but now two years later I'm well above average so I think you can recover what you had before.

Another interesting factor is the reward circuit. Again with the comparison to autism, apparently people with autism don't respond with the same pleasure level to the human voice so socialization is not as rewarding as for a typical person. I honestly wonder whether there is a similar deficiency in psychosis that blocks the reward circuit for social interaction. Hasn't been shown though. However there is a block to some reward circuits specifically anticipation. So people with psychosis are capable of having fun but they don't anticipate having fun at fun activities like going to the movies so their motivation is less.

Here's the thing...keep going out its the only way to keep your social detection pathways active...but make it easy on yourself...skip the bar which is fast paced and go out one to one with some people. I find activities easiest since there is something to focus on other than the conversation.

[Confusedinomicon]

I think Sometimes Psychotic suggestions are right.

I also want to tell you that you have to stop thinking so much about how you sound and just go with the flow and make with the jelly. ~____~ Maybe you are nervous you will sound stupid so you try to limit your interactions...? Speaking doesn't get easier that way.

I am pretty sure I'm dyslexic and I know for a fact that I have can't read body language in groups. I stumble over words and often forget what I'm talking about mid-sentence but it doesn't stop me from interacting with people around me. If I'm corrected, I just brush it off and move on. It is annoying and I wish it didn't happen but I don't have the capacity to worry about it all the time. (Especially if its what I'm dealt with)

*Maybe* you won't sound as eloquent as you did before your psychotic break but it won't get better by ruminating on it. Practice makes perfect. (AKA Think about it as learning how to ride a bike for the first time.)

[Mr. Radio]

Nessa* I think you hit the nail on the coffin with the way I was for the whole night.

Dylanzmama* It's been 5 and a half months since everything has happened. Sorry to hear about your situation.

middlepath* what you're explaining is exactly how I felt for the first month or two that I came out of my break. I felt the same way, like everyone knew and they were looking at me differently. It makes you not want to go out. You have to go out though, it's one step at a time and it does get better.

sometimes psychotic* I don't really have a difficult time reading peoples emotions. If anything, it's that I'm so concerned with mine. Also I have been going out one on one or in smaller groups of people. That's difficult to do because my friends like to drink (which doesn't do anything to me any more) so they get together with many people. This Saturday is this huge party I was invited to. I plan on going, and once more try and be social.

Confusedinomicon* I am communicating at a level that I feel is maxed out. Anything that I would say, I'll try and say it unless the conversation already drifts past that part. The thing is everything is just so fast paced and it's hard to follow and say anything. Again this is a problem that I've never had before.

[unaluna]

Should you be drinking, or that much? I just explain that I'm already flyin from all the drugs I'm on. That might leave you with a few more brain cells to work with.

[Mr. Radio]

Originally Posted by hankster

Should you be drinking, or that much? I just explain that I'm already flyin from all the drugs I'm on. That might leave you with a few more brain cells to work with.

I hardly drink. Maybe 5 times in 6 months, but I suppose you're right. Why even drink at all? Believe me I'd like to have all my brian cells back. I didn't choose to have a psychotic break....

[faerie_moon_x]

I don't know, I think you're still pretty new at all this. I think over time things will get easier for you. Right now that question triggers you, so you know that's a trigger you can work on, like just lessening your reaciton. It takes work. I think we all have triggers like this. I have them, for sure!

I have faith you'll get better. You may never go back to exactly where you were, but I think in time you'll start to even out. I mean, 5 months is not that long. Recovery is different for all of us.

[Mr. Radio]

Originally Posted by faerie_moon_x

I don't know, I think you're still pretty new at all this. I think over time things will get easier for you. Right now that question triggers you, so you know that's a trigger you can work on, like just lessening your reaciton. It takes work. I think we all have triggers like this. I have them, for sure!

I have faith you'll get better. You may never go back to exactly where you were, but I think in time you'll start to even out. I mean, 5 months is not that long. Recovery is different for all of us.

I agree with the getting better statement. I went to see my doctor today and she said this was just one slip up and that I'll get back to normal and can have the same goals as I had before the break. She went to on to say that being bipolar can be a good thing and can have it's advantages.

I am starting to believe/ been trying to believe that I've been normal for some time now and recovery is over. My parents, sister, brother, and now I'm starting to believe it. Thanks for all the support, I guess being social is just going to come in time and I should just focus on what I'm doing for the better right now.

[bluemountains]

Don't beat yourself up, Mr. Radio. Socializing is tough when you aren't in a comfort zone. I am sure that these friends and others have probably forgotten the whole outburst since alcohol was involved. It is typical that all of us have socializing problems, no matter what age, or what circumstances. I was just telling my husband that he needs to get the back of the house lights working so that we can invite people over. His comment was along the lines of who would I invite? I got peeved, but truthfully I am always looking for excuses not to socialize, but I really want friends!
Good luck, and with practice I think it will get easier.
Bluemountains

[Tom_X]

It's been 2 1/2 years since my first psychotic break. I used to ruminate A LOT about before and after the break: how I felt, how confident I was, how sociable I was, and so on. Truth is I never felt "normal" after the break, but I began to learn to deal with it, and it takes time.
Today, it's been almost 3 months since my second break (both drug-stress related), and I feel ALMOST the same way I felt after the first episode. I think I know how you feel, man. I relate to a lot of the things you describe. Booze doesn't hit me, conversations seem fast-paced, I sometimes think that people will "notice" what happened to me, but I've come to realise two things: (1) No matter how hard you ruminate about the former you, all you have now is your present, (2) as long as you keep yourself busy with stuff (work, books, close friends and family that won't judge you) you will start feeling better.
I know it's a hard path, and no one would ever choose to have a psychotic break and have to walk it, but the only fact is that we're here now. It's up to us what we do with what we have.
Cheers.