Why can i handle the ups better than the downs?

The downs almost kill me. Not sure how many more i can take.

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[middlepath]

Same for me...the downs are REALLY down and REALLYYYY long. It makes me question every aspect of life. The aftermath is daunting and longwinded too. Whereas, the ups are manageable and the worst trouble I cause anymore is annoying people with my chatter and charging up random crap (proud owner of new bowling shoes and a bunch or hair dye I will never use, and a slew of beads...all courtesy of my last hypomania. Ps. I DON'T BOWL : ).

I just went to a meditation session where the mantra was (breath in) "Let", (breath out) "go". I did it and tried, but didn't connect. Then later I was mulling stuff over as I always do and the light bulb turned on for me. I felt what it meant rather than trying to logically process it and I think it may help me during my next down-turn. Not sure if that can help you now, but it is all i've got. ((HUGS))

[Victoria'smom]

A lot of times it's easier because we don't know we're up but we certainly know we are down.

You are so right MM. So right.

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[hamster-bamster]

ups are associated with high energy, so they might be easier to handle.

down - low energy. So you feel bad AND do not have enough energy to help yourself feel better. Of course that would be a drag. How else?

[wildflowerchild25]

the ups at least let me function. the downs cause me to hate myself and life so much that it's barely worth getting through them. i've been down for months now and i don't know how much more i can take.

it will pass though. it has to. we're all here with you.

Thank you wildflower. And my downs last for months too, but i'm tired of it. I want it all to go away.

[~Christina]

Jeffro, if your downs are lasting for months does your Pdoc actually address them and treat you for them ? Or are you just left to ride it out?

Christina, he believes that any ad's could be dangerous. I already have serious insomnia, and he is afraid that by giving me an ad, that it could make it worse. We discuss it just about every time I see him. He knows that I struggle w/ the depressive side, and that's why I'm seeing a T weekly.

[cool09]

Do you think you can stilll connect with people well when you are up? I would say my ups are unrealistic, hyperactive and connecting with others is just something I validate in my mind or are just illusions. (There's no realistic interaction going on there. But everyone is different.) The downs definitely are poor energy and not productive.

Are you trying to live with bipolar II without medications? Since your therapist won't
prescribe an antidepressant or a mood stabilizer, it's no wonder you have so much
difficulty with the depressions. I assume you're not seeing a psychiatrist for your
depression; if you are, I'd get another psychiatrist.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by jeffro1972

Christina, he believes that any ad's could be dangerous. I already have serious insomnia, and he is afraid that by giving me an ad, that it could make it worse. We discuss it just about every time I see him. He knows that I struggle w/ the depressive side, and that's why I'm seeing a T weekly.

Elavil is an old AD that promotes sleep. So that would be an obvious choice.

[~Christina]

Jeffro,

I think you would probably benefit from a second opinion. Yes, treating the depression side of Bipolar can be a very tricky thing, but not impossible. I just feel you need a new set of eyes to look at your symptoms and current meds. No need to get records from your current Pdoc. Just have a list of current meds, past meds and meds that failed and why, in your opinion.

Try and hang in there

Unfortunately, all my medical care is being provided by the VA. I can't afford insurance through work, and I make to much for any assistance. I'm seriously limited to my pdoc choice. I wen through one before, but he was too judgmental for me. We had a serious personality conflict.

I went almost 8 years w/o an episode, but the last 8 months have been hell. My current pdoc explained it is just like an earthquake. There are little tremors before the massive quake, than comes the quake, and than aftershocks. I'm in the aftershocks now. The pic I attached pretty much explains my cycles.

I am on a mood stabilizer. It takes care of the mania's. I don't hear the voices or want to put my hand through the wall, or bang my head against it. All of the above I've done in my rages. I just try to stay away from people as much as possible.

They say I'm high functioning, but I really hate those terms.

[hamster-bamster]

Jeff, but if you ARE on a MS, why can't the pdoc at the VA prescribe an AD? As long as AD's are being counteracted with an MS, they can at least be tried. It is kind of cruel of the pdoc not to try AD's.

Also, when they say you are high functioning, they are forgetting that you have to try to stay away from people as much as possible in order to function. That is too high of a price to pay. You need more help!

I saw my regular doc today. We have a very good relationship. I told her what was going on, and how I'm stuggling. She is trying to get me in to see another pdoc that is the closest which is about 1.5 hours away, but I think it might be worth it.

I don't know how much more of the lows I can take.

I love you all fro being here for me.

[middlepath]

I hope you get in to see the new pdoc. It is absolutely aweful to be locked in those aftershocks. Fortunately, you know you are toward the end of the cycle, but that doesn't help much right now. My fingers are crossed for you. I am sorry it has been so hard lately.

Thank you Middlepath. I know I will make it through this, but it is hard, oh so very hard. But like the government, it will take some time.