[Lillyleaf]

Hello all!

I've been thinking, the most I go to T the less she thinks I need it. However, I am falling apart faster then ever. Somehow every time I walk in the door this mask of perfection comes on. Maybe it's because I don't want to play to do an hour of crying? Or because I don't see her enough to open up...

The most likely answer though I think... is I really don't know how to use therapy.

If someone gave the world a medication that would solve all it's problems then that would be great! But, if not taken correctly the medication wouldn't work... well then that's stinks. It might take FOREVER to figure out how to take it.

That is hour T feels to me... I know that I need therapy, but I don't know how to use it. Or even to communicate I do.

I need a class, to know how to take therapy Maybe a pamphlet?

Hope you can relate,

Lillyleaf

[unaluna]

Yeah its like a bad swimming lesson - throw you in the deep end and sink or swim. But I think you end up doing therapy the same way you do anything else in your life.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by Lillyleaf

Hello all!

I've been thinking, the most I go to T the less she thinks I need it. However, I am falling apart faster then ever.

The simplest hypothesis states that your t is bad.

Look - you are falling apart but she is not seeing it.

It just might be that the T is bad.

It may not necessarily mean that you need to learn how to use T.

It could be that she is just plain bad.

[Dylanzmama]

It is just as hard to find a T as it is to find the right meds. Find a new one!

[bluemountains]

I can't say that it is always the t. In my case, being on t number 4, I believe I am like Lillyleaf in that I don't verbalize my real needs and therapy is very tough. I do not like to give in to my emotions either, another point Lilly mentioned.

In my case, I think I know how to use therapy, but my reasons for being there make it very difficult to verbalize these needs. A therapist can't read our minds, and in order to make the most of a session we must be honest and forthcoming.

I do have one concern, Lilly. Does your therapist say that you don't need to be there, or is this your thought? If your t does say this, then I would say that it is time to find a new therapist.

Bluemountains

[Secretum]

Lilly, I know exactly how you feel. Unless I'm really, really depressed, I look fine to my Ts. I also feel like I don't know how to use therapy. I mention some problem, and the therapist offers a solution...but I have no faith that the solution will actually work to fix my problem! I also believe that there aren't many good ts (or pdocs) out there. An example of some of the things my ts have done (I've seen several):

T #1: laughed at me when I said in desperation that I had eaten 12 cookies that day. I was depressed and my eating was out of control. I was so scared that I was going to turn into a blimp, and she had no sensitivity. She just laughed.

T#2: Said that I wasn't bipolar because if I was, I'd "spend one session crying and the next high-fiving him". Not everyone has the same symptoms! He really needs to educate himself.

T#3: No follow up. At all. One week I'd tell her my suicide plan in detail; the next, she wouldn't even ask if I was still in danger or if I was doing any better.

T#4: Talks about herself, all the time. She's leaving her husband to pursue a man 30 years her junior. Her parents were so abusive that they never should have had children. Sometimes I feel like her T!

So, 4 Ts and none of them decent. I think that there needs to be some standards for Ts. I hope to enter the mental health field, and I plan to make big changes. Most Ts should be more sensitive to their patients' needs, IMO.

[bluemountains]

Speaking of therapy, I just arrived at home from a session. I was in that mode of what to talk about. Today I asked my t if she believed I have a mental illness and I should be on drugs. Of course, she answered my questions with questions. I wanted to ask this because I know that she is really into treatments without drugs, only supplements and physical solutions. Her comment that I took away was that this is a decision for me and my pdoc, and she can't determine how I should be defined-or something along those lines.

The reason I asked this question is because I believe that sometimes her solutions are too easy. I feel this way at times about many of the CBT components, although it is CBT that is said to be one of the effective treatments for bp.

After so a couple of years of treatment, plus that received in early years, I am not sure what to expect from an effective t since they all seem to use similar treatments, even similar statements.

I have decided to pull out some verbal banter with my therapist when I don't have anything that is pressing. I am going to pick her brain about her own philosophies and background, hopefully gaining some insight into where her training has lead her. An ivy league education in psychology seems so far removed from my education experiences.

Sorry to rant, I just had your thread on my mind today during my session.

Bluemountains

[Victoria'smom]

Okay current T did not realize I was in such a bad place until I was severe to the point I was scared. After I was stable she had me do a mood/event/thought chart with a bit of changes daily. I have amount and time I slept, med changes, if I took my meds and notes added to it. My events have always been things like woke up, hate the world, computer making to much noise, and things like that and writing notes. T's able to see how I'm doing day by day while I'm not in there. I haven't done mood charts since April and currently she thinks I'm doing good but my husband isn't. I'm currently writing her a note about recently.

[Wham6429]

I get the feeling. I was there when I started T. But I got a different perspective from my regular doctor that made sense to me, not sure if it'll help you...

It's like having a 100 ulcers under your skin. The only way to heal them is to cut them open and drain every one of them. It hurts like hell but after a dozen or so you start to feel better. Therapy is the process of draining the ulcers.

If you feel like your T is not doing their job by asking the right questions, or making you feel secure/safe/earning your trust, then it might be time to seek someone new.

Good Luck, just know you're not alone!

[hamster-bamster]

My T runs a short mindfulness exercise in the beginning of each session, so that my most pressing issues and intention for the session would emerge during that exercise.