Stuck in a slump and rethinking

So it's been awhile since I've been on here but I am in a place that is strange. I am avoiding my ex from our last fight. As she told me that she would never date a bipolar person because they're just insane. Plus a few comments about how I can't give her what she needs and other hurtful comments. Even though now I'm debating about giving her a second chance and at the sametime dating a girl who seems stable and actually wants me ti better myself.
Besides all that though I went off my meds. Once again. The side effects are just bad plus the fact that men could produce liquid from their nipples and sexual problems scared me to death. So I decided I'm no longer going to chance that. So far I'm just in between really happy states and just really lows where I sometimes question if life is worth the struggle. I see a new therapist tomorrow and not sure if I want to come clean about not taking them anymore. I feel like I do better without them. I actually can feel emotions and I don't wake up feeling drunk or in a fog for must of the day. But the one thing I've noticed is I'm stuck. I can't decide what I want to do. I want to go to school but I'm also so **** of not working. Plus a few other things. I'm also getting the familiar urge to just ruin away. Go somewhere far away and never look back. I know that I'm destined for something but where and what it is I just don't know yet.

Don't you think it's always best to discuss the truth with your psychiatrist?
That way, you have something at least to face that is real and possibly
workable for a successful future. It's important that he/she knows the
symptoms you had as side effects of medications.

Probably you will come out of this situation much better all round.

(I'd forget about the girl who is so judgmental--and so wrong, at that, in
her opinions and judgments.)

Take care; I hope the friendship with the healthy girl works out for you.

Yep, I couldn't, and evidently wouldn't put up with ****** side effects either, so I get where you're coming from I found lactating atrocious, and I'm a woman, so can only imagine what you must have thought about that little addition to your body!

I'm with gen, forget the judgmental ex, don't waste your time, she'll only pull you down instead of lift you up.

Being stuck is no fun, make a list of pros and cons for the things you find yourself sitting on the fence. That way you make a logical non emotional decision.

I'm no fan of T's but I will say this, your T can't provide accurate help with misinformation. That's the one person you need to be really honest with, or you're wasting your time and money, and misleading the T simultaneously.

As for going med free, that's a personal decision, I know I do function better off of them, and have been doing so for almost 3 yrs now, so have decided to stay med free for as long as I deem possible.

Don't run, you can do this

My ex was basically my best friend. She is now saying that she is in denial about me having bipolar because it seems unfair for me to have that added ontop of everything else I'm going through. And is now trying to play a sympathy card so I come crawling back like I did every other time. Which makes me ferl like I'm a horrible person for even thinking about leaving her for good. I know that it's a bad relationship all around but I keep thinking about the good times. The other girl I'm more worried wouldn't know how to handle things when I go off in either direction or the impulsive actions.
As for the doctor she knew about the side effects and told me to keep taking them because she want going to switch me. I'm now on my way to a completely different clinic in a few hours. My main concern is it's the therapist not the prescriber. I'm just worried about then being as bad of a prescriber as she was. I don't feel like they listen they only hear what they want to hear. I've already been in a bad state today where I was playing with the thought of suicide just because it seemed easier then dealing with all of this and being a strain on my family. Still in the that low point but luckily it's just me feeling "blah" and not wanting to really do anything. I just wish there was a magic cure for everything that was a one time deal.
Sorry I'm being lazy and not wanting to add this into the top part. The ex I was with for 7 years. But sometimes I think that I don't deserve to be happy or think that she's right on how could anyone ever love someone who goes through things like bipolar. She claims to never have noticed my mood swings or anything else I did that wasn't "normal" behavior. My mother on the other hand believed I was bipolar since I was 18 along with every other member of my family that started seeing the similarities my father and I had. He was also bipolar.

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