[Speed3]

I am not sure if I should post this or not. I don't think I want people to tell me to go to the hospital.

It is just that I feel weird and Confused.

Late yesterday afternoon after I had been out for the first time since Monday, I overdosed on pills.

When I came home I felt like someone else, I found where my husband hides the Ativan. I took 30 mg. I took 5 of my high blood pressure pills clonidine.

My husband came home about a half hour after this. I told him because I had the urge to take more. The only med I don't have access to is the (Ativan).

He started yelling at me. Telling me I am selfish, on and on. I said should I go to the ER. He said no.

I pass out on the couch holding my IPad. At some point I went to bed. He woke me up and said see you are still a live.

I have no idea why I did it. I don't feel like doing anything like that today. I feel very spacey today, I guess a left over affect.

I feel very very depressed.

is this something I should tell my Therapist (my PDOC won't give a crap).

Is this a sign my moods are switching ?

I started Effexor last week against the advice of my PDOC. Could this be from the Effexor ?

[Muppy]

Speed, this could have been a totally different story if you had had access to the ativan. What jumps out at me are the dynamics between you and your husband. The loss of a child puts a terrible toll on a marriage. And I imagine that the way Jason died was especially horrific.

Do you think you and your husband are able to sit down and sort out emotions and how each of you feel? The myriad of emotions you felt when Jason died were your emotions. Your husband had his own emotions going.

Sometime couples therapy helps after a major loss. Do you think your husband my be willing to participate? You've already lost Jason, now I think you need to focus on your marriage. Jason is always with you so by changing focus you won't be forgetting Jason.

Do take care and be good to yourself. I do hope things get better for you.

[~Christina]

*****Possible Trigger Su talk*******



Where you actively suicidal? Did you intentionally take the medication with the intent to kill yourself? If so then you really need to talk to your T and or Pdoc ( I know he has been less than helpful)

Or did you randomly take your medications to just tune out the world for a while?

Either or you need to keep working towards feeling better.. As far as your medication go.. do you have someone other than your husband that can hold your pills for you and hand over X amount of days worth at a time. Even Pharmacies will only dispense X amount of days if you request ... Maybe that will take away the ability of you to overdose or unintentional over dose.

Why did you start taking Effexor ? and why on your own ?

Im sorry your husband is not being supportive and acting terrible towards you, Everyone handles loss like this differently .. Right now I think you both just need to focus on yourselves .. then hopfully you can reconnect and begin the work of rebuilding your life together.

Speed , Please stay safe

[Speed3]

Originally Posted by Muppy

Speed, this could have been a totally different story if you had had access to the ativan. What jumps out at me are the dynamics between you and your husband. The loss of a child puts a terrible toll on a marriage. And I imagine that the way Jason died was especially horrific.

Do you think you and your husband are able to sit down and sort out emotions and how each of you feel? The myriad of emotions you felt when Jason died were your emotions. Your husband had his own emotions going.

Sometime couples therapy helps after a major loss. Do you think your husband my be willing to participate? You've already lost Jason, now I think you need to focus on your marriage. Jason is always with you so by changing focus you won't be forgetting Jason.

Do take care and be good to yourself. I do hope things get better for you.

I did have access to the Ativan, I found it and took 30 mg. I gave it back to him before I took more.

[Speed3]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

*****Possible Trigger Su talk*******



Where you actively suicidal? Did you intentionally take the medication with the intent to kill yourself? If so then you really need to talk to your T and or Pdoc ( I know he has been less than helpful)

Or did you randomly take your medications to just tune out the world for a while?

Either or you need to keep working towards feeling better.. As far as your medication go.. do you have someone other than your husband that can hold your pills for you and hand over X amount of days worth at a time. Even Pharmacies will only dispense X amount of days if you request ... Maybe that will take away the ability of you to overdose or unintentional over

Why did you start taking Effexor ? and why on your own ?

Im sorry your husband is not being supportive and acting terrible towards you, Everyone handles loss like this differently .. Right now I think you both just need to focus on yourselves .. then hopfully you can reconnect and begin the work of rebuilding your life together.

Speed , Please stay safe

I was on the fence I think? Or I would have taken more. I think I wanted to feel oblivion not caring if I died or not. I don't have much to live for anymore.

Right after my son died PDOC prescribed the Effexor to help with the overwhelming depression. He didn't want me on it for long. When Jason's birthdate came I felt overwhelmingly depressed again. I refilled it and asked if I could take it again.He was hesitant afraid it would switch me in to Mania or Mixed moods.
He agreed I could take it for a little while.

In the past my husband has given me all my daily meds. Normally I only have a problem with taking too much Ativan.

I am not sure where my mood is right now. I think I am still feeling the affects of what I did yesterday. I feel kind of ill.

[~Christina]

The amount stuff you took is going to take days to clear your system so Yes feeling bad is par for the course . Since Ativan is a temptation for you ( numbing effect) why not make sure you have no way to get any besides your daily amount.

Benzios are a depressant so its kind of a catch 22 when taking then.. If your depressed and take them they are going to make you feel even worse.

But to go off them you need to be tapered off slowly.

You are in a pretty lousey situation all the way around , I so sorry .

Are you still seeing that T that seemed to be helpful?

[Speed3]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

The amount stuff you took is going to take days to clear your system so Yes feeling bad is par for the course . Since Ativan is a temptation for you ( numbing effect) why not make sure you have no way to get any besides your daily amount.

Benzios are a depressant so its kind of a catch 22 when taking then.. If your depressed and take them they are going to make you feel even worse.

But to go off them you need to be tapered off slowly.

You are in a pretty lousey situation all the way around , I so sorry .

Are you still seeing that T that seemed to be helpful?

Yes I see her mainly as a grief counselor. She gave me an assignment this week that I think contributed to the problem I had yesterday.

I have been on large daily dose of Ativan for years. Normally I don't have access to it. I just happened to find it yesterday. I don't normally try to find it either. It was like I was on a mission when I came home yesterday to find it. I don't know why I didn't down the whole bottle.

I was starting to wean off last December, then my son died and I went back up. I had also weaned totally off the Seroquel.

Right now I am trying o get back off the Seroquel again.

[~Christina]

I would imagine some of the work you do in therapy is going to trigger you on so many levels. Maybe you need to advise your grief counselor that things are too intense and need to slow down a bit or change what angle your working from.

I hope you can find a Pdoc that will work with you and reduce the amount of medications your taking .. I think you could be feeling so down due to the medications..

Hang in there .. Be kind to yourself

[Victoria'smom]

I would tell your T so she knows how triggered the assignment was for you.

I think you have been given some great advice on this thread and I have nothing to add, but my thoughts are with you. I hope that things can get back on track for you and your husband.