[Samanthagreene]

I've read about mixed episodes online and gotten lists of symptoms, but the whole idea is sort of confusing. I'm asking because I would like to be able to identify if I ever go through that and I was wondering if anyone could share more personal stories than just lists.
Thanks,
Sam.

[IndieVisible]

Think Robin Williams

[A Red Panda]

Usually, if I'm in what I would consider a mixed state?

I'll be feeling miserable, depressed, lonely, worthless, etc..... yet be full of energy. I won't like anything that I'm doing, but I'll be able to keep myself very busy and I can't settle down and try to relax. I'm more likely to end up irritable and snappish, and I won't be sleeping much but I will be very tired. I may end up more panicky, and any healthy eating habits will go out the window. My brain will be overthinking about EVERYTHING and it's very rarely anything nice about myself, and I will have very little focus.

On the flip side, I can sometimes (although a loooot more rarely), be in a great mood but have no energy to do anything. I might be feeling super good about myself and loving life... but I can't make decisions on what to do, so I end up doing nothing at all. I won't even feel bad about it. I just won't get anything done, and when I go "hmmm I should do something... maybe this.. or this... or this..." I still won't come up with a suitable answer for myself. Usually this is when I'll end up getting bored, yet I'll still be happy as a clam. This reallllly doesn't happen very often in my life though.

Those tend to be how it would work for me.

[BipolaRNurse]

If you've ever sat on your bathroom floor at 2 AM, scrubbing the floorboards with a toothbrush and sobbing uncontrollably......that's a mixed episode.

It is like HELL.

Last year (in fact, this very time of year), I had a month/month and a half run of it and it was hands down the worst thing I've ever been through. It probably could've been shorter, but I was thousands of miles away from my psych when it happened.
Sorry to be so lazy, but having described it in a post a number of months ago, I'm cut and pasting it. Here goes:

It was gawdawful. Massively depressed, and utterly hopeless, but with lots of anger and tons of negative energy. All at once. Add in a couple of full-on melt-downs (not talking flip-outs, no idea how many of those there were) and mix till well-blended. O.M.G. Not sure if I've ever done such near-nonstop scathing rants and muttering at myself (and that's saying something, because that's something I do all the time). Self-loathing was through the roof and the extreme energy levels made it excruciating. I wanted to crawl out of my skin, rip my brain out and maybe slam myself into a wall at about 120mph. More than ideation and knowledge, you-know-what flashed visually through my mind on a regular basis. It.was.bad.

I'd had bursts of such a state many many times previously. But to have it go on and on? Indescribable.

I don't know how BF managed to not throw me in a cage.

I'd certainly have been safer in one.

[~Christina]

oIts bloody awful ! I have energy to scrub my entire house with a toothbrush ever single day for weeks now ... but I despise myself to death .. There is not one good quaility I have . I am a useless burden to the entire world .

I would rather be in the depths of hell depression that to mixed episode any day of the week !

[WrongEverything]

For me it was horrible. I ended up walking like 5 miles in the desert to a casino parking garage roof.

I had all this energy, staying up all night, but all i could think about was killing myself and self-harming. Everything happened so fast. Next thing I know I'm in an ambulance with three very sexy young techs telling them about how it was like a switch that flipped.

I think I have been having mixed episodes the last few weeks.

I get extremely agitated, its like my body is buzzing with energy but I have no outlet for it. Getting on the exercise bike and riding a million miles an hour doesnt help, my body starts to lock up but the energy is still there. My thoughts are all negative full of loathing and self hatred, random things go through my head and my brain tells me I need to slash because I am so stupid. My poor boyfriend cops it, I text and text and text him asking him to help me but there is nothing he can do.

Caffine makes it a million times worse. I have more to write but I need to go out so I will reply again later.

[Patsy Cline]

Wow. You've all described the past 3 weeks for me.

[Phoenix_1]

I had the first mixed episode (than I can recall) August 20. I got so depressed that I was suicidal, but at the same time I was agitated and very irritable.
My boyfriend broke up with me a month ago. On the 20th I got very drunk and called and called and called him on my cell phone. In the morning I looked at my cell phone and I had called 61 times. I only remember calling about 10 times. Fortunately his line was busy the whole time I tried to call him.
I passed out from the alcohol before I could commit suicide but I wrote a suicide note to my kids (and it made perfect sense when I read it in the morning). I passed out holding my high blood pressure pill bottle in my hand. I figured that they were the best bet, because I was almost out of my psych meds. And I passed out before I took my night time pills, so that was a good thing.
I woke up in the morning and said "What happened?" I couldn't believe what I did the night before and how I felt.

[nicole84]

The above statement "It's like HELL" sums it up perfectly. That's the best way I can describe it. I kind of wish I had these amazing episodes that some seem to have where everything is absolutely AWESOME.

Being depressed and manic at the same time just messes my head up so much. I'll be wanting to just curl up on the couch and hide away feeling paranoid but then have so much energy and agitation that I'll want to do things, leave the house then quickly regret it and start freaking out about everything around me. Then feel like it'll pass, all will be ok.. the next minute just want to die, think that no one will even notice that I'm gone within a few weeks or so. Man, I've been that mixed up lately I'm still in one I think >_<

[Phoenix_1]

Originally Posted by IndieVisible

Think Robin Williams

or Jim Carrey