Am I lying?

I feel like I'm cheating on everybody around me.
I've been married for 8 years and even though my husband knows about my bipolar stuff, most of the time I really don't say anything about how I feel.
Neither to the rest of the people I see almost every day.
My boss has no idea, and did I mention he and his wife are good friends of us?!
The thing that hurt me the most is that becuase nobody knows what is going on, I can see their faces change wiht my behavior, and let me tell you, in those times I really think I'm going crazy.
Also, becuase of the way that I was raised, I don't show my emotions much, except to my husband and my daughter, it is even really hard for me to put them in words, so ussually people think I'm cold and distant, when in reality what I was trying to do was avoid "those escrutining faces"
Am I really lying to everybody? How do I explain that I have problems?

Hi there
have just registered with this place, and just read your post.
I know what you mean by "lying", though I don't think you are, you're just protecting yourself from others' reproachements & "pull yourself together" which generally comes with this disease.
I myself am unsure of what I have, it's either major depressive episodes or BP II (the latter, I reckon) but my (new) doctor gave me some Temazepam today, signed me off work for 3 weeks & told me to go back next weds. I felt very patronised by her, the GP I usually see was fully booked & I couldn't wait anymore. I'm just very tired at the mo, can't stop feeling low but can't face anyone at work anymore (& worry about going back as some will think I'm crazy & should just get on with it) or even my work load, or being at home with my 3 year-old girl who, thankfully, is at playschool until 5 pm... I'm just so tired of putting on a brave face!!!
I don't know you, Biplol, but I suspect it's the same as it's for me, you just don't want to burden anyone anymore, tired of apologising & you prob don't want people looking at you funny.

If only there wasn't such a great stigma attached to mental illness...

T x

Hi biplol,

Here is an article you might find helpful!

Click Here...

No, biplol, I don't think you're lying at all...there's no rule that says everyone needs to know everything about your business. With the stigma that is attached to bipolar it is really necessary to limit who you tell on a "need-to-know" basis.

I don't think the people you work with need to know unless you want them to...if your condition is having a serious impact on your job performance you might consider telling your employer, but probably not even then. According to privacy law, even if you're sick and out for a while, all they need to have is a doctor's note saying you're too sick to work. Now, if you can trust your employer and feel that they will stand with you, it can be really helpful for them to know...but only you can make that call. As for your co-workers, remember that when you are feeling bad may not be the best time to try and judge what they are thinking...I know that when I feel bad I'm not even clear about what I am thinking, much less anyone else. But if someone asks, just tell them you're not feeling well, and leave it at that.

Friends--if it's someone you trust and feel like sharing with, then do it...

As for your family, they already know, so it's a matter of whether you can talk to them rationally or not...and whether they can talk to you without trying to "fix" you rather than talking with you to hear your thoughts and feelings without judgement. If they can't do that, then it's probably best to go chill for a while if you can...

I know how difficult all this is...I've been through it as a patient as well as a spouse (talk about a PARTY )...I hope you can work things out...living with bipolar can be extremely difficult even with great support, so choose your support system carefully. speaking of which, if you are not in a bipolar support group, I would strongly encourage you to find one. Look at www.DBSAlliance.org and www.nami.org to find a group near you...I couldn't make it without my group!

Wishing you the best,
DJ

not lying, not alone Hi, Welcome to PC, where people undrstand. !!!.

(((Tana, Davey and Hillbunnyb))) thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and feeling on this, really helpful!

Petunia, excellent article, interesting and even funny at times, thank you so much!