[LadyShadow]

Hey there everyone,

I was wondering, how do you live with your bipolar? I made another thread here: http://forums.psychcentral.com/books...out-there.html

I am just seeking information. I am having a hard time coping these days. I am in the low stages, the mania has passed for several years now. Not that I want to be manic, I know a lot of people miss the mania because it gives them insight and they feel they are unstoppable. I kind of miss that too, but I had no control over it.

So now here I am 7 years stable, and life is just well, dull and boring.

I have no desire to go anywhere or do anything. I just feel this overwhelming emptiness. Is that what bipolar is? Or is this just the REAL me.

I am curious to hear about your stories and how you live with your bipolar, and if you know of any good books about it, please tell me.

Thanks for listening.

[kaliope]

I have been stable a while as well, but I struggle a lot with anxiety so that keeps life interesting. but I had a t I really respect ask me once, and he did it with total disbelief so it made such an impact on me,,,have you never experienced joy? and I had to answer him no. he was so incredulous. I have never forgot that moment. it was so very sad. he was so filled with disbelief. I have made it my mission to find joy. I haven't been very successful, but my motto is choose joy so I try to do things that make me happy. I signed up for a paint class which makes me feel good with my creations. I work to make choices in my life that make me happy. I am content with my life. I cant say it is filled with joy, but I try to savor the joyful moments when they do come along.

[Phoenix_1]

Originally Posted by PlatinumHeart

I have no desire to go anywhere or do anything. I just feel this overwhelming emptiness. Is that what bipolar is? Or is this just the REAL me.

.

That's how I feel most of the time. I'm also interested to hear what others have to say.

[Phoenix_1]

Originally Posted by kaliope

have you never experienced joy? and I had to answer him no. he was so incredulous. I have never forgot that moment. it was so very sad. he was so filled with disbelief. I have made it my mission to find joy. I haven't been very successful, but my motto is choose joy so I try to do things that make me happy. I signed up for a paint class which makes me feel good with my creations. I work to make choices in my life that make me happy. I am content with my life. I cant say it is filled with joy, but I try to savor the joyful moments when they do come along.

I can say that probably the only times I experienced joy was when my daughters were born.
As for crafts, like pottery, and needlework like crochet, knitting, and sewing, I did find flow when doing them. Flow isn't joy, but it took me out of myself and allowed me to find a place where my problems were all forgotten. I found this in my accounting work also. Unfortunately I now have severe arthritis in both hands and can't do my crafts anymore. And I can't work and I'm on disability. It's really hard to find flow now. I've read all my life, but unless the book is really really good, it only holds my interest for 10 minutes before I put it down and try to find something else to so.
Moments with my grandkids bring me fleeting joy. They're 5, 7, 9 and 11. They don't live nearby, so I don't see them very much. We had a great camping trip in early August, and there was a lot of joy that weekend.
Moments, I live for moments now.

[~Christina]

7 years "stable" as in feeling how you are right now? no happiness or joy ... 7 years is a Looooooooong time to go without a mood swing of some sort .. If you are on medications is it possible your just way over medicated ????

7 years of blah isn't good either.It could be many reasons why you are not getting adequate relief. one of the things that I had trouble with was always feeling just below baseline, not quite depressed but not good either, that was my anxiety not being addressed for several years after working on the bp. My pdoc never offered anything for it, I was given klonopin in the hospital 4yrs after my dx and have had it since. I have learned that my mood states are very much influenced by my anxiety levels.

That statement about joy resonates with me. After my mania departed and I crashed into a 7 month depression, I felt I couldn't find my joy. It has taken a long time and even now I would say it is fleeting times, no sustained amounts. The most recent being my son's engagement party this summer. That was a joyful day and I was still happy a couple of days later but...it ends. Life keeps going on. I try to stay busy with things but its not easy being a retired stay at home mom.

[BipolaRNurse]

I can say that my life has had many, many moments of joy. That's probably the only reason why I never committed suicide, even though I've certainly been tempted. In fact, my whole life has been either really awesome or really awful, without much time spent in the middle where I am now.

[wiretwister]

I have only been medicated since last dec but feel the exact same way, very bland flat emotionless just empty , I do feel I am over medicated but my pdr feels differently...

[A Red Panda]

I live with bipolar just by knowing that I'm me and that it's a part of me.

I'd say if you have zero moments of happiness or enjoyment in life... then you aren't baseline. Or like others have said, maybe you are overmedicated and in a zombie-state. But baseline should have happiness at least some of the time.

For a while I felt like I was just existing, and there are days that I do still feel like that. To tell you the truth (and I do not condone or recommend this) weed made me feel like I was living again. It really really really helped me practice mindfulness and be comfortable in what I am doing. It helped me just enjoy the moment, enjoy the blue skies, the feel of my horses mane, the burn in my legs when I walk through the mud. Now I find mindfulness easier to practice sober too. When I truly live in the moment it is easier to go with the flow of life and enjoy it when the enjoyable comes along.

In saying that I do still feel like you some days. I have some goals that I have set but Im not too fussed if I dont reach them really, and I know that is "bad" but I cant seem to care all that much. And I was like that before I started smoking so its not that influencing me.

Some days I just believe that life will work out the way it is supposed to and I shouldnt fret if I feel like I am going nowhere with no life goals because something will come up when I am ready to embrace it.

[LadyShadow]

I want to thank everyone for their responses, and I am happy to say that I have some feeling back. Its weird, but by watching my favorite tv show (I know its small) I am in a better mood.

I feel like I'm a bit below baseline as you have said, so I am going to talk to my pdoc about it. Right now I have my Therapist appointment tomorrow, so I am looking forward to that. I am trying out some new things to try and get me out of my funk.

Bipolar is just another obstacle I have to learn to overcome as well.

[Amelie10]

I used to thrive on chaos, excitement, drama....when I got diagnosed and started meds, therapy and later recovery, I learned that serenity does indeed feel boring at first.

I understand the difference in serenity and feeling blah, but sometimes they feel the same.